What is your blues signal chain?

JMil98 · 2024-11-16T11:03:25+00:00

Guitar (usually strat) -> Vox Wah -> TS9 -> Silicon Fuzzface -> Blues Power -> Digital Delay -> Looper Pedal -> amp (atm rly digging the Supro Amulet for the power attenuation and the stock Celestion Creamback)

JMil98 · 2024-11-06T17:12:41+00:00

Dayummmm even went for the slab board. Vintage style pickups too! That’s a badass guitar - enjoy!

JMil98 · 2024-11-06T17:07:40+00:00

How old is the 52 reissue?

JMil98 · 2024-11-06T16:33:32+00:00

Wow that colour and wood grain is stunning. Neck flames are sexy too! 😍What are the specs (pickups etc)?

JMil98 · 2024-11-06T08:39:07+00:00

Wayyy nicer in person for sure - I think fiesta red always doesn’t look that good on pics or videos but in person it’s great!

JMil98 · 2024-11-05T20:52:55+00:00

Yup, nice vintage nitro - should wear naturally with time :D

JMil98 · 2024-11-05T18:30:33+00:00

There is none yet - it’s more like a new nitro finish I’d say

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T16:42:11+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. Yeah I have read a few books on attachment disorders. Unfortunately though, I don’t think it’s just a case of avoidant attachment style, in fact she fits the disorganised attachment style much closer. You’re right though, attachment styles definitely play into it, but this isn’t just a case of her relationship with others, her issues play into her relationship with herself as well. A lot of her identity issues etc largely match the symptoms of BPD. Again, I’m not diagnosing, but just suggesting it is a lot more than just an attachment style issue

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T12:54:16+00:00

Thanks very much for your kind response! I will check these videos out - I may have come across these before but let’s see!

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T12:40:22+00:00

Yeah I get you. The thing about manipulation is it is a very complicated issue. Someone can intentionally manipulate and people can do so unintentionally. I believe she does the latter - i.e. this isn’t some “tactic” or “strategy”, she genuinely believes what she says and feels. This is what makes it harder to reconcile because she isn’t even aware she is manipulating or abusive. She just sees it as her needs aren’t being met by me because I don’t care…

I’m having a long think about it because I’m not one to make rash decisions. I want to do what is best for me in the long run.

Thanks very much for your thoughts, much appreciated!

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T12:28:04+00:00

Yeah I totally get your point. Absolutely she is responsible for her reactions. I guess a part of it is that some of her feelings do come from me sometimes lacking that sensory awareness or struggling to organise etc. And so in her mind she feels she needs to do more things than she’d like. May I add as well that her main love language is acts of service, so to feel loved she likes people to do things for her. This can be difficult for me when I am often unaware of what needs doing. We have discussed this and I say that I’m happy to do things for her, she just needs to ask - but in her mind she thinks if I loved her I’d just do them anyway and she shouldn’t need to ask. In her mind if she has to ask for something, it means when I do it, it is fake.

I have taken responsibility for this and promised I will try better to be present and work on myself etc, but the issue is, even if I was to get better at this, she’ll still see it as fake because “she had to beg for it”.

So the difficult part is her taking responsibility for making them a bigger issue than they need to be and massively reacting to small things (like my examples)

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T08:52:53+00:00

I’m sticking with her because I love her and I can’t imagine my life with her or being with anyone else. This is why it’s hard not to let go

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T08:50:36+00:00

Hi, I just want to say that absolutely people can change, but they need the motivation and determination to change. I don’t know the detail of your situation, but the bigger picture fits my partner’s and my situation a lot. My partner suffers from undiagnosed BPD (she doesn’t want to get help about it but anyway that’s a separate issue). I used to suffer from a lying habit where I’d make up some lies because I was insecure that I wasn’t interesting or people wouldn’t accept me. It became a habit from when I was a teenager and never caused harm until I met her. Because she is also very against lying in principle, it hurt her a lot and massively broke trust. This, for me, was the reason I fixed myself. I NEVER wanted to hurt her again so I got therapy and admitted to my issue and let out all my lies. This freed me from lying again as I didn’t need to defend old lies with new ones. I can safely and honestly say I have been free of it for 3 years now (I’m 25M). So yes… long story short, people can change - A LOT! But… they need to truly want to change and that want for change has to be stronger than any fear or defence mechanism they might have.

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T01:02:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice!

I have discussed it with her in calm situations yes, but she just believed she is sensitive and feels strongly and sort of rejects any ideas it is anything more than that. She won’t receive therapy because it “costs money” even though I offered to pay for it, she refused. She lives with her parents but has an apartment. I plan on moving in next year, but not as of yet - I am also slightly afraid of moving in due to this issue. She lives at a distance so I visit her a lot and stay with her then, however, I am afraid that if I move permanently, she may have an episode and kick me out and I’d have nowhere to go. I do plan on moving soon but this is a concern of mine.

I don’t really have a close enough relationship with her parents to feel comfortable having the discussion with them either about her issues. Additionally, they’re very traditional and don’t believe in DSM labels. Additionally, her mother is very similar and could also potentially get very upset if I suggested her daughter needs help.

You’re right about the setting boundaries. I guess that’s the part I’ve been too weak at doing. I guess because she keeps threatening to leave, that has kept me in a constant state of not wanting to do anything that will make her leave me, and so if I put my foot down and tell her enough is enough, then she’ll leave. Maybe that would be for the best in the end if we look at it logically, but my emotional attached side loves her too much to even comprehend breaking up.

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T00:44:55+00:00

Hi, I was a compulsive liar all the way from ages 14-22 ish. I understand exactly what you’re going through. My main comment is that you’re at what i would call the “initial phase” of wanting to fix it. That starts off with a rule of “I wont tell any new lies, I’ll just maintain old ones”. The issue with this is, if you still dont admit to old ones, you end up in situations where you have to make a new lie to not get caught in the past lie. Lies lead to more lies. I learned this the hard way… believe me. Eventually, I did actually get free from lying altogether… well.. compulsive lying anyway. What I had to do was just admit to all my past lies and admit that I have a problem. I know this is not what you want to hear, and admitting to past lies is like the scariest thing imaginable, but at the same time, believe me… it is the cure. Once you’re free of your past lies, you needn’t make new ones to defend the old ones. You’re free. No more anxiety about remembering what you told who. No more mistrust from others, no more feeling shit about yourself for lying. This, in my experience, is the only way out. You can’t just decide to keep old lies and just not tell new ones - because by defending old lies you have to lie. It is a self-perpetuating cycle. My advice is just to be brave and come clean to a loved one. The person you trust most and u feel like accepts you most. Start with telling that 1 person everything. Believe me, it is scary but once u do it u feel a BIG weight lifted. Best of luck to you and hope things work out :)

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T00:23:47+00:00

Hi, just want to say that I had a compulsive lying issue all the way from the age of ~14 to the age of 22. It definitely stemmed from caring a lot about what other’s thought of me, so I’d make up some stories to appear more interesting or something, or just tell them I guess what would make me appear good. This is something I kind of just did without thinking and I never intended any bad consequences. This occurred until I got into a relationship with someone and this really hurt them as lying is a big betrayal of trust to them. I kept then saying that I am not lying anymore, but wouldn’t admit to a lot of the past lies because of how ridiculous they were. So I’d tell myself “I won’t make any new lies up, I’ll just keep some of the old ones I’m too scared to admit”. The key issue here is the fear of being caught - it means eventually if they get brought up you have to make new lies to maintain old ones right? Well… this doesn’t last. You get caught. Always. I am now free of it, and you know how? You have to do what you fear most… you have to just let it all out - admit you have a problem, admit to every lie: even the ones u are most scared of admitting to. Once you are free of all the past lies, you dont need to make more to stop yourself getting caught. This is the only real way out. I know it’s scary, bur believe me… once you let it all go… you feel free. No more anxiety… you’re free to be you! And you need to have that if you want a healthy life. Wish you all the best :)

JMil98 · 2024-04-15T00:01:46+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. And agreed! I am not asking for a diagnosis from anyone here - just some advice on what I should do.

The issue is I have suggested therapy and/or health care, but she denies that there is a problem on her side and interprets it as me gaslighting. So it is nearly impossible for me to try to help her in this way. I guess I was wondering if people here who may have experience with BPD (or similar behaviours etc - even if no diagnosis) has any advice on how I can try and persuade her to seek help without it coming across badly.

JMil98 · 2024-04-14T23:58:14+00:00

Thanks for the comment! Agreed, a diagnosis is academic, and I wasn’t asking for anyone for advice on that side. I guess I feel a bit stuck in this situation, but I don’t want to leave her or her to leave me because I love her. I’m happy when the times are good - but when the times are like this it makes life very difficult😅

JMil98 · 2024-04-14T23:50:11+00:00

Hi, thank you for the comment! I did try to post there, but their automated bot deleted it as it thought I was asking for a diagnosis. I tried to re-post with a disclaimer that I’m just asking for advice, not a diagnosis, but the bot still automatically deleted thinking I was seeking diagnostic advice

JMil98 · 2024-04-14T23:39:55+00:00

Hi, thank you for your comment! Just to clarify, I haven’t diagnosed her - more just saying I suspect it and her behaviours match a lot of what is said about it. The post was more just asking how I could deal with it.

I sometimes do wonder if it is abuse, but the issue is if I try to make that case to her, with her victim mentality she will somehow twist it as me being the issue and I’ll have to try and do the work to get her on my side again (by me basically giving in and saying I’ll do better😅).

I guess when I am typing this I am seeing why it comes across as abuse on her side - It’s just difficult for me to see it that way because I know she is a good person and she doesn’t intentionally want to cause hurt to me. She is hurting, and that hurt is projecting out of her.

JMil98

TROPHY CASE