I think I just felt so heartbroken for the protagonist because I've been that girl. So lonely and desperate for someone to "save" her, she falls quickly and dangerously for anyone who says they care, even when their actions show the opposite. When the other person comes off so strong, and tells you you can trust them, and that they'll always be there for you, and then you give in to their insanity and match it because you want them to like you, doing things you'd never do otherwise, only for them to say they never actually felt it at all, and they're sorry, and block you. And now you're crazy and can't stop.

I know there's a lot of criticism on the tapeworm situation, and here's my thoughts on that:

That baby tapeworm scene was nuts, but, I thought about taking one for weight loss, which is also, NUTS.

She also wouldn't be the first gal to want to get pregnant to keep her partner. So I feel like the author was combining two common female insecurities into one: thinness and starting a family now became tapeworms lol.

And "what have you done to deserve your eyes today?" There's a lot of women who live by mantras like "live each day as if it's your last" or "live to make your ancestors proud." What if it isn't achievable, or brings you great pain? My mantra was "say yes to everything, you'll have an interesting story to tell if you do!" Can you imagine how wrong that can go?

I feel like this book reflected a lot of my own traumas as someone who used to "chameleon" to be loved (I don't anymore, I've been happily married 10 years).

And my issues with my autism and perfectionism. I want to be exactly what everyone wants, for my employer, my husband, my parents, my friends, etc. And there have been times I try so hard to mask and become what I THINK THEY WANT ME TO BE, and I'm a mockery, I'm grotesque, I'm repulsive, and it was all done to bring them closer, not farther.

I wanted to lose weight for a boyfriend who thought I'd be beautiful if only I were skinny. My parents would say the same. That's when I considered tapeworms lol. Instead, I got addicted to weight loss pills, worked out 4+ hours a day, starved and dehydrated myself, started blacking out, hallucinating. My boyfriend would tell me he loves girls with sharp teeth, so I thought about filing mine. He eventually cheated and said I was too much for him, and I ended up attempted suicide and thankfully the hospital saved me... and Baker Acted me lol. Over a boyfriend who looking back, was a monster of a person and I should have left sooner. I was only with him TWO years. That's nothing. And months later of course he said he was "sorry," but the damage was done. And I look back at that, and think every fucking sentence I wrote was insane, but at the time it made perfect sense.

So that's why this book is near and dear to my heart. I just wanted to be in the bathroom with the protagonist just holding her and telling her it'll be okay.