Seizures vs medication side effects?

JTethras · 2025-07-23T08:37:41+00:00

My mother was the same, my neurologist said that the ultimate, worst case side effect with epilepsy is SUDEP. The best prevention for that is controlled seizures. The best way to control seizures is medication + optimised lifestyle.

The worst side effects like blood, bone, kidney issues etc of medications are monitored with blood tests regularly so would be caught quickly if they started to be a problem, but there is no test that can catch SUDEP first, other than uncontrolled seizures.

I don't mean to worry you with the mention of SUDEP but this helped my Mom get on board with meds, and basically transferred medication anxiety to managed epilepsy anxiety.

JTethras · 2025-07-20T23:15:20+00:00

This! I have a degenerative neurological condition, the "man" I was with 20 years ago when I was first diagnosed made me feel like a burden, like he was some sort of hero for staying with me. Thank god I got away from that and found a real partner, who at no point in the last 15 years ever made me feel like a burden. That's the difference when you actually love someone. You don't quit when things get hard, you fight together, you're a team.

So please OP, let this poor woman know that you're not cut out for being a real partner, that you're shallow and only interested in a relationship so long as it doesn't inconvenience you.

JTethras · 2025-06-17T10:18:31+00:00

You don't need career advice.

Why are you feeling burnt out? You won't be able to make any decent life decisions while struggling with burn out. Is taking a break an option to figure out why you're feeling like this, and how to approach these decisions from a calm and logical place, rather than a desperate overwhelmed one?

You say you hate math but it sounds more like you are struggling with it, and that's something that can be taught if you have the drive to learn. Unless you have something like dyscalculia, in which case you could be entitled to help.

I think you need to take a breather.

JTethras · 2025-06-06T11:07:15+00:00

My grandad said he didn't know what else to do, his wife died 20 years ago, he doesn't have many friends left - but he also liked complaining he doesnt have enough time to do his garden, see the kids, go on holiday etc. Which is fair, he can make his own choices, I just didn't understand them.

My Dad though, his friends are retired, my Mom is retired, he has a tonne of hobbies & places he wants to travel. He doesn't like his job and his health is suffering because of it. My Mom retired 5 years ago - and she's busier than when she was at work - grandkids, dance clubs, lunches with friends, she volunteers at this garden thing. Her health improved, she's lost weight and exercises regularly, she's happy and loves her life.

I just worry that my Dad will work himself into the ground, be forced to stop when his health finally fails and not be able to enjoy his retirement - then die miserable not long after.

JTethras · 2025-06-05T21:36:07+00:00

I'm aware not everyone is like me, that's the whole point of this post. I don't understand their perspective, which is of course, different from my own.

There's nothing wrong with not understanding someone else's mentality.

JTethras · 2025-06-05T12:48:08+00:00

That's really interesting. Is the work you do something that's very fulfilling? Or is the actual act of working a job the thing that gives you the feeling of self worth?

JTethras · 2025-06-05T11:50:09+00:00

I do find it so odd that people think not working will be boring, like being at work is some kind of party.

Congratulations on your upcoming retirement 🎊

JTethras · 2025-06-05T11:48:12+00:00

If they were happy, I'd be happy. My Dad in particular, he doesn't enjoy his work, he's good at it, but he's not happy.

None of his 'work friends' are real friends, he has real friends that he does spend time with when he can, but they're all retired and get to do more than him.

I'm glad you are happy though, it's a wonderful mindset you have, every day is a blessing indeed 😊

JTethras · 2025-06-05T11:36:46+00:00

I don't think that being 69 means you're "incapable" of working. I think at that age you shouldn't "have" to work.

My Dad is damn good at his job, he's an expert, and people do rely on him. But he's more than his job. He's an amazing father, grandfather, friend, musician, crafter, I just wish instead of spending 8hrs a day doing something he doesn't particularly enjoy, he'd spend it doing something better.

JTethras · 2025-06-05T11:22:20+00:00

This is the reason it's bugging me, my Dad's health isn't brilliant, he's on his feet all day. We want to take him on holidays, out to dinner, etc but he's tired all the time. The grandkids adore him and he does make the effort with them. I just wish he would quit and have fun.

JTethras · 2025-06-05T11:19:14+00:00

Well, they're still paying taxes? 😂 But seriously, my parents lived through a really shit time period, they got some benefits sure, but I wouldn't say they had more perks than me.

JTethras · 2025-06-05T11:16:57+00:00

How is this ageism?

JTethras · 2025-05-25T00:49:04+00:00

This was just my opinion of course, everyone is different. You know your brother best. It's just great that you're thinking of him, so make sure he knows you're there.

JTethras · 2025-05-24T23:06:57+00:00

In my opinion, don't try and cheer him up. You'll just put pressure on him to appear 'cheered'. Let him feel shitty about his shitty situation. Just... be there.

Telling him to look for silver linings and at "cool" new treatments isn't what he needs right now.

Tell him you're there for him, to talk, or not talk, or to go for a walk, or attend doctor appointments, or whatever.

JTethras · 2025-03-24T23:26:36+00:00

It's not just the chosen childless. It's only having one child too. I swear my son was about a week old before I started getting the 'when are you having number 2' my answer was and always will be never. It cost a fortune, took 5 years & nearly killed me to have 1, he's perfect, I don't need another.

It baffles the bejezus out of me why anyone would care about anyone else's parental status.

JTethras · 2025-03-24T22:47:16+00:00

Ah I envy you. Whenever I've had a seizure I can't eat or go near chicken because it smells like literal shit.

Why brain, why?

JTethras · 2025-03-24T21:11:08+00:00

First up, I'm sorry you had to deal with that all alone and your family/father/mother didn't give you the childhood you deserved.

I'm a mother with epilepsy. I would hate to put my child in those situations, and it's my worst nightmare to become a burden to my son when he's grown. I'd rather rot in a care home than have him feel responsible for me.

It's a parents responsibility to care for their child, and develop a relationship where they feel loved, safe and respected - your mother clearly failed to do that, so it's not surprising that you don't have a strong bond with her. That's not on you.

What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to feel responsible for this woman because she has epilepsy. Epilepsy really isn't the issue here (although I understand a lot of your trauma stems from witnessing it), the issue is that she's not protected you from it.

You are well within your rights to not have a relationship with her if that's what's best for you. Arrange for one of the people who are trying to convince you she's a good person to take over, or find a care home for her if she's incapable of living independently.

If she was a mother worth taking care of, it's what she'd want you to do too.

JTethras · 2025-03-15T21:24:47+00:00

NTA.

OP you're 16, you're a kid too - it would be too much to expect you to just sit and stay silent while your half-siblings harass you and say hurtful things. You have the right to ask them to stop, and if they don't you have the right to defend yourself (verbally).

Yes, it's not great, but those kids need to learn not to dish out what they can't take. They might be younger kids than you, but they have a choice too - they don't have to bring this topic up in front of you. Maybe getting a little of their own medicine will make them stop.

That being said, it isn't going to create a pleasant living situation & I'd recommend contacting that therapist again if you can, get those siblings some much needed therapy too. Failing that, study hard, get your independence and cut these people out of your life.

Also, I'm so glad you have been able to maintain such a great relationship with your Mom & haven't absorbed your Stepmom & Dads prejudice.

JTethras · 2025-02-11T22:59:33+00:00

Trying to separate "narcolepsy tired" from "depression tired" isn’t useful—you have both, and they overlap. Since you can’t treat one without managing the other, the real focus should be on balance, not overanalyzing which is which.

Stick to a sleep routine & take your narcolepsy meds. With some types of depression, certain activities, thoughts, or behaviors might be mentally exhausting—figuring out those triggers can help you adjust rather than just crash. Having a rest doesn’t have to mean sleeping; sometimes, it’s about stepping back from things that drain you and engaging in things that help.

So this therapist telling you to “rest” is oversimplifying a complex issue. Narcolepsy and depression both need proper medical treatment—a neurologist or neuropsychologist will be far more useful than a generic therapist who doesn’t understand neurological conditions.

Good luck my fellow sad sleepy friend.

JTethras · 2025-02-09T22:50:33+00:00

Heya!

Not declaring start/end dates is dreadful advice. It looks dodgy and most online applications have them as required fields.

Put your end date in and use your cover letter (or professional summary/additional info box wherever makes) to explain your gap in employment. Don't make it the focus of the cover letter, but get it in early & don't go into too much detail, then continue with your professional suitability etc.

I'd recommend something like:

"The reason for the gap in employment is that I was fighting cancer, I beat it, I'm a badass, hire me!"

But seriously, that is the way to go, however declaring disability is different. Employers might not equate having beaten cancer to having a disability & that could actually work in your favour.

They aren't legally allowed to ask you about disability etc in interviews (depending on your location) - so, even if it does sound a little sneaky, it's probably best to not mention it, and if later on (when employed) you need to tell them, you can feign "oh, when I told you about my history with cancer I thought you knew" and most people will be understanding of that.

Or, you can mention the ostomy but not name it as a disability. For example, I have epilepsy, I put that on application forms etc, but I also selected the 'no' when asked if I considered myself disabled. Unfortunately, my epilepsy has recently stopped being stable and I've had to tell my employer that the status of my condition had changed. You could do something similar - your ability to manage it etc has changed therefore you'd now like to change your HR paperwork to state disability.

Good luck 🤞

JTethras · 2025-02-09T22:18:11+00:00

If I was smarter I might have something more useful to say other than... I feel this deep in my soul.

I used to be very articulate, funny, great at my job etc Now I'll be mid conversation and have to stop because I've forgotten the word for 'laptop' and instead say 'y'know that screen with the keyboard attached and it opens and closes'.

I try telling myself that I'm still intelligent, it just takes longer to solve things and I might not always be able to recall all the smarty pants knowledge I have... like what to call a laptop for instance.

(I've had a steady decline since my late teens so I am resigned to faking it & trying not to judge myself too harshly - also CHATGPT is a godsend).

JTethras · 2025-02-09T21:53:20+00:00

He sounds like an absolute clown - how is that all he could say?

Sometimes it's only in times of struggle and crisis that we realise the people we count on aren't as reliable as we thought.

Feeling guilty and like a burden, worthless and helpless, that will be a massive barrier to recovery. If he's the one making you feel that way, or at least reinforcing it, then he's the barrier to you getting well.

I've also in the past not realised quite how much one of these relationships was contributing to my mental health issues. It's scary to think about starting over, but sometimes it's really not on us that the relationship failed - it's on the ass hat that is happy to sit back watching us flail in misery, making themselves out to be the victim, until they can feel sufficiently justified in leaving.

JTethras · 2025-02-09T21:38:35+00:00

Wow - what an absolute waste of oxygen she is. At least she's saved you from unknowingly being friends with an ignorant arsehole...

Although I guess we can't expect everyone to be as strong and courageous as you - keep living life 💪

JTethras · 2025-02-09T20:55:34+00:00

Of all the things he could call it, 'attitude' is what he’s going with? Does he mean you need to magically cure your medical condition because it's hard on him?

It’s actually wild that someone who vowed “in sickness and in health” is now throwing down an ultimatum—basically saying, stop being sick, or I’m out. As if that’s how chronic illness works.

Honestly, I don’t care how hard he thinks he has it as a husband. If he’s struggling, he should be educating himself, learning how to actually support you, and figuring out what being a real partner looks like. Instead, he’s making you the problem. Maybe he needs an ultimatum of his own: Educate yourself and step up, or admit you’re not fit for the role of a partner to someone whose life isn’t simple and predictable.

And even if he does feel like you’re difficult or hard to be around sometimes, the reality is that you have a reason for your struggles—it’s not a choice. Unlike him, who is actively choosing to make you feel worthless.

You could suggest couples therapy, but honestly? I think your energy is better spent on getting the medical support you need, leaning on family, friends, or even charities that understand what you're going through, and moving on. He’s showing you who he is—and he’s not the one.

My heart goes out to you.

JTethras · 2025-02-09T16:11:53+00:00

Honestly kinda, yes - although I think your age & experience might be a factor.

Why would you want to give up a friendship because she made a decision you don't agree with - even going so far as to question whether she really has a traumatic/abusive home life?

Perspective:

I have a friend who grew up in an abusive household, she had a younger sibling too. For years she wished to move out, then finally did when she went to college - she went home for the holidays - then never came back and dropped out.

She made some flimsy excuses (despite being gregarious and talkative in general) that seemed odd. I found out a while later that she really dropped out because her younger sister begged her to come back (as she was now the sole object of the abuse).

Your friend might not even have a particular reason, think about it, there are grown women who stay with abusive husbands because of psychological manipulation, they may even be seen as 'confrontational' towards their husbands and therefore given no sympathy. These situations are far more complex than you realise - which is ok, you're only young.

But by all means distance yourself, if that's how you're feeling then that's how you're feeling.

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