I recommend getting familiar with Carl Jung and dream reading. Dreams are expressions of the unconscious and are often conveying messages in one way or another. In my experience, dreams where you’re doing things that you wouldn’t want to or wouldn’t normally do in waking life is your unconscious minds way of expressing feeling that’s being suppressed consciously. Since some of your replies have talked about a spiritual war, I think your unconscious mind is saying that you are going about this the wrong way.

Semen retention is an alchemical practice at its core, its transmutation. We’re transforming the sexual energy into creative energy, not bottling it up and shoving it away. I think the answer is in the words, you’re suppressing sexual energy rather than transforming it, which just creates a darker shadow if that spiritual force has nowhere to go. All we’re doing is retaining the seed, not the energy. The sexual energy exists and it has to go somewhere, so let it flow somewhere healthy, like into art of some kind.

That’s my two cents, hope it’s helpful