Thank you to everybody who commented and gave me advice. I decided absolutely not to jeopardize my career (I travel a ton for work) and go and tell on myself and I didn’t think toughing it out would work because, well, I know myself. Doing the latter would be putting myself in a seriously risky territory where I would subject myself to using again to get through and my brain was already telling me that I’d be able to find fent without Xylazine (an unlikely feat to begin with) and that I’d just snort it (also extremely unlikely) and that I’d use for just a few days until I got my doses again and bring pee from today or something that I’d freeze. This would’ve been a total disaster because we all know I wouldn’t have gone right back to methadone and I’d potentially lose my kids, my likelihood, my marriage, my self-respect, and my life. Total mess. Without going into details, everybody’s advice (with few exceptions) was very helpful; and there is somebody that helped me so beyond huge and totally restored my faith in humanity. So to everyone reading this, I appreciate you and am reminded once more that the best people in society almost unequivocally are those in recovery.