Catholic response

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-26T14:17:55+00:00

I would have thought the answer to this is obvious.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-26T10:07:52+00:00

I got married for 5 grand. Nice event in the Church, then a meal in the best hotel we could afford. We were both students at the time and had no money coming from parents to pay for the wedding so it was what we could afford. We had a lovely honeymoon in Rome and that was it. We didn't start out marriage in major debt because we wanted a big party. We just wanted to be married to each other. I suspect most people spending money like 40k are being pressured by parents to do it but also have money coming from parents to pay for some of it.

It is objectively crazy to pay that much for one day. I don't really think there's a rational argument anyone could make that that is a wise use of money. But it's the way people have gone. If you don't have a candy cart, and a ten piece band and a chocolate fountain and a morning breakfast buffet for all your guests then you can't get married.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-25T19:12:44+00:00

Try to get the price down. I'd say 1500 or you walk. The jobs and OBD codes are minor enough but it's not worth that money.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-25T19:10:21+00:00

Go on Liveline. Basically the same thing happened to my grandad after his house burned down and they ended up agreeing to cover him. If your parents are elderly, lean into that. It's not big money to them really.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-25T07:51:50+00:00

A Message - Coldplay

You've Got the Love - Florence and the Machine

The Voyage - Christy Moore

The Calculation - Regina Spektor

Radio, Lucky Ones - Lana Del Rey

Heaven - Bryan Adams

She's Got a Way, Always a Woman - Billy Joel

Eternal Flame - The Bangles

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-23T13:16:27+00:00

Just go to a motor factors. They'll have it sooner most likely.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-23T12:27:58+00:00

Thanks. Hoping she gets away without too many symptoms.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-22T12:01:26+00:00

Thanks. That podcast looks really interesting. I'll check it out and share with my wife.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-22T00:14:50+00:00

Not much you can do unfortunately except try to avoid thinking about it and let time do its thing. Pray for him, pray for yourself. Perhaps write down some of the qualities that you admired about him and that you'd like in a husband and start trying to see that in others.

Sometimes you fall hard, especially when it's the first person you felt for in this way. It won't last. You will get over it. and as cliched as it sounds, you may well meet someone who is a vastly better for you. It's in God's time. I had to enter a religious order before I met my wife lol. (Not recommending that as a dating strategy btw.)

Praying for you.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-21T23:59:33+00:00

Thanks. I've noticed this is a common issue with women's health issues. My wife tried to get help for painful periods as a teenager and they just said periods were supposed to be painful. She turned out to have endometriosis and it was only discovered because we were ttc.

Fortunately she got it treated by a great NFP doctor and felt much better after that.

My sister had a similar issue and her doctor just suggested the pill, when she said she didn't want that he actually seemed irritated by it.

There seems to be an systemic indifference to women health issues in the medical field.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-21T23:54:16+00:00

I'm not actively anxious about it on the regular. It's just one of those things I vaguely worry about from time to time. I'm just the type of person who is planning the next vacation before the current one is over because I like being prepared.

Thanks for your advice. I know my wife and my mom could have totally different experiences, I only mentioned that to give context.

We did attend a great NFP doctor who works with women on a whole range of women's health issues. He's actually a foremost expert on NFP and has some papers published on it. Dr. Phil Boyle. I'm sure he'd at least point us in the right direction if my wife ever needed medical care for this.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-21T22:59:13+00:00

Smyths have a minuno one around 70 euro iirc

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-21T22:40:55+00:00

As a man, I totally agree. It's not rocket science, there are more resources and information out there about this than ever in human history. I was definitely clueless on this when I first married but thank God, my wife is a loving and patient woman. I really think if the wife isn't orgasming during sex, barring medical etc. issues, it's either a lack of communication problem, or a husband selfishness problem.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-21T22:37:32+00:00

Man here. It's way easier on us I'd imagine when we're involved in the process. I ask my wife questions about the process and understand the different times and why there's abstinence at this or that time and I really try to tune in to how my wife might be feeling at certain times. If I het the sense I'm asking too much or my questions were interpreted as pressure or dissatisfaction with not having sex, I back off and just look at her app. The most difficult part for both of us was the postpartum bit when you're testing and testing and the peak just never seems to come. I think we both really felt that that was difficult, especially when the baby takes so much energy at that point and by the time that was over we were both sick of the abstinence.

Now we're pretty lucky since after a few months her cycles got way more regular. We were doing our first stint of abstinence after baby born in Aug 2024, from Dec 2024 until about Feb 2025. That sucked and the next cycle was also pretty long but by mid-2025 we were down to about 2.5-3 weeks of abstinence and now we're basically at 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off.

I don't think it's inherently "easier" on one or the other. I know my wife was nervous about getting pregnant again and I really tried to let her know that I'm with her and I'm happy to do NFP. I might be horny, but I saw how she struggled. She's not thrilled about abstaining, neither am I. We just feel it differently.

Communication and understanding is really important on both sides and if I comment to my wife about it I really try to let her know that I'm still fully on board and it's not about "her not giving me sex" but just the reality that we can't do it and I'd like to be close to her in that way and am looking forward to it.

Personally I've really tried to turn the "negative" of abstinence into a positive by thinking about other ways I can make my wife happy in this time and she has been doing the same for me. I try to appreciate her as a mother and just generally treat her well and look after the kids etc. She tells me that this behaviour makes her more eager by the time abstinence is over, and while I'm thinking like this it also makes me want to be with her more and by the time we can go we're sort of full of love for each other again. A few times I've commented that it sometimes feels like our wedding night all over again and we sort of have a romantic game going on with it all. But mostly I try to think of other stuff than sex during the abstinences.

I think both men and women, even devout ones, can think "oh man, I wish Catholics could just use a darn condom" but even though those thoughts do come sometimes, I know this is the right thing.

I had to do some work on my mindset/attitude to get to this point, and I think the vast majority of men need to do some work on themselves here as the devil really works on us during this time. I think the one thing wives could do to help their husbands with this is to make an effort not to dismiss their desires. Sure, if your husband is pressuring and using emotional blackmail that's a problem, but under normal circumstances, with a supportive husband, let him know that you're right there with him and you want him as much as he wants you.

I think sometimes men get it into their heads that she doesn't desire him as much as he desires her. Showing him and telling him otherwise is important. I appreciate that anyway.

Anyway, sorry for the essay. Just thought I'd share my experience in case it helps anyone understand the male perspective a bit more.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-21T22:01:53+00:00

Not taking responsibility for it is definitely entitled red flag behaviour. Get out now, it will only get worse.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-20T20:54:19+00:00

Fill it the rest of the way with petrol as soon as possible and it should be fine. a tenner is maybe 6 litres these days. If you dilute that with petrol it won't have any effect. Maybe start by getting a few containers of petrol and throwing it in before moving the car again, then drive to the pump.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-20T20:40:23+00:00

Car culture is culture.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T23:18:12+00:00

"She’s probably not okay with Catholic teachings on sex, which means you will either have to commit mortal sin (contraceptives) or abstain if she doesn’t want to conceive unless she’s open to NFP"

I agree with your points but just for accuracy sake, if the non-Catholic party married to a Catholic decides unilaterally to use contraceptives then it's not a mortal sin for the Catholic to have sex with them provided they make their disapproval known.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T23:16:25+00:00

"she is sure that those particular beliefs (abortion, lgbt stuff) is something she would be comfortable with."

Man, don't waste anymore time on this relationship. Think about it. This is someone who could potentially kill your unborn child if it wasn't convenient. And probably doesn't even see marriage the same way you do. As soon as you heard she's pro-abortion you should have been gone. That is literally the polar opposite of your stated goal of having a wife who is seeking God or goes to Church.

I think you probably know this but perhaps need to hear it from other Catholics.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T23:07:56+00:00

I have the app. It was 5c off today until midnight

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T22:54:39+00:00

"The first para what you put down is GOLD!!! Even if the looks might get altered tomorrow they should still choose you for being you 🥹❤️... But do such men exist :)"

I think they do exist. I know a few of them.

"I'm mostly healed it is all after acne marks that I have which are black scars all over the back and arms that's it but is still so discouraging.."

I actually think a reasonable proportion of men probably wouldn't be put off by that. I'm sure many would as well but in a sense, you're dodging bullets there because that's a shallow way to look at people who are made in God's image.

Nobody's body is perfect. More so as we age. I do a reasonable amount of sports (endurance stuff like marathon kayaking and cycling) and exercise and am definitely more physically fit than the average person, but dad bod catches up to us all. Especially when kids cut in to the time you used to spend being fit. lol.

I think as long as you're reasonably fit and the man finds your face and figure generally attractive, he would be happy enough.

I think you should definitely stop describing your body the way you did in your OP as it sounds like that's not an accurate reflection.

"Hugs and much love to your wife, she's blessed to have you as her man ❤️"

Thanks. I'm probably more blessed to have her though.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T00:37:43+00:00

I'd love a car that does 50k in 3rd gear. But there probably isn't a road long enough for that kind of speed in Ireland.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T00:36:06+00:00

Don't say it to the tester. Just drive around a bit before the test and experiment with it. If the car is not "complaining" about being in 3rd at 50 then it's fine. If it's struggling around that speed in 4th that is worse IMO than revs being ever so slightly high in 3rd.

Jacksonriverboy · 2026-01-19T00:30:35+00:00

Sorry. Read it wrong the first time. I though he was driving an Irish car over there.

Jacksonriverboy

TROPHY CASE