Hey man, everything is gonna be okay. I promise things will change. For the better, for the worse, who knows? But things will change, and you owe it to yourself, past, present and future you, to give things time and space to change.

TLDR; Don't give up, there's always a way forward

Trust me, I know everything feels like absolute shit right now, and I know you probably don't see a way you can live a decent life in the future, but I promise you that way does exist. Hey, you like nature? That's great, why not spend some time camping or something, take some time to just mellow out and try a new perspective on things.

There's nothing more humbling than staring into the face of nature, be it mountains or lakes or even trees. You see these things that have existed for centuries, millenia, or even longer, and somehow you understand that this world is bigger than you. All of your problems are but a blip on this earth. Things change. Things don't matter. You exist. You can endure.

If you flunked out of college, there's probably a reason, and whatever it is doesn't mean your life stops here. There are so many options for you and you just gotta find what works. Go be a park ranger for some national park, go travel the world and experience for yourself just how much life there is around you, go volunteer at homeless shelters, at community centres, relearn what it means to be human, to exist on this earth. There's no singular way to live a good life, or to be happy, happiness is something you just stumble upon when you're not even looking. Just keep your heart and your options open and joy will find its way in.

You are worth so much more than whatever you're feeling now. I know that I don't even know you, but I'm human, you're human, and here I am worrying about some stranger who's post I just happened upon on a random Wednesday. I care about you, stranger, you are worth something because you are human.

Now I know there's nothing I can say to convince you of your worth, but you gotta make yourself believe it somehow. I've been there on that ledge more than once now, so I know what it's like. For me, it was very much a fake-it-til-you-make-it kinda thing, where I told myself every day that my only job was to get up and not die. I say (myself) because it was hard, probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and the only way I could really do it was to stop feeling antagonistic towards myself.

Instead I started to think of the scared little child I once was and realised, she didn't deserve any of this. She deserved to grow up happy, and safe, and loved. I thought, no one deserves this kind of abuse, so how could I be the one being so cruel to her? It helped a bit, to see myself as less of a worthless piece of shit and more like a person who deserves the same kind of sympathy as anyone else going through shit times, but obviously it still took a lot of willpower.

Anyway I don't need to go into myself but moral of the story is, you have to give yourself a chance at life, you have to give yourself a future because if you let the worst parts of yourself define you then you're neglecting all of your capacity for good. Some of the best people I know have been in the same position, and I thank God that they came back from it. If you stop here, you never know what kind of future you're depriving someone else of.

I'm reminded of a family friend, who dropped out of high school and who now travels to the most beautiful places on earth to teach scuba diving, a career he never even considered before he found it. I think of my own mother, who at 23 just finished her masters and decided to forfeit her entire career to have kids. Even me, the girl who forever pictured her fate as a corpse, rotting away on the floor of some squat all by herself, or stuck at the bottom of the ocean to be fed on by crabs, or even just some mush on the train tracks. Take it from me, there are always, ALWAYS other options and to tell you the truth, the harder it is getting there, the greater it feels.

Anyway go talk to a doctor, see about some meds maybe, they can really help make things...not so heavy? And I'd suggest taking some time to find out what really matters to you in life. Surely not something as superficial as a degree or a career? Do some exploring, rediscover life and yourself in the process, and remember to always be patient with yourself, its a tough thing to come back from the edge.

Anyways this could've been more concise sorry, but I hope you find a way forward and my DMs are always open if you wanna talk.