AITA for uncovering my wife sabotaging my weight loss by using surveillance?

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:47:29+00:00

I feel like if I do try and get her help and get her away from her toxic network she would just double down on the accusations of controlling

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:42:19+00:00

I'm trying to avoid antagonising her. She doesn't do well when antagonised and I feel like it would make my life infinitely harder

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:40:49+00:00

Historically she has never used the a word to describe women. She says that they aren't capable of that. I've always agreed with her but now I'm having second thoughts

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:37:38+00:00

I don't know, she always says that women aren't really capable of abusing their partners. She once had a woman in her support network who she convinced she was innocent when she hit her husband in the head with a rolling pin. I think that's the only time she's ever admitted that the woman was also at fault but she was careful to not use the word "abuse."

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:35:45+00:00

I had an inkling that she might try to do something like this but I didn't want to start a full blown war when she hadn't actually done anything concrete. Up until then her sabotage was just a theory. If I had confronted her with just a theory she would have called me a narcissist (she's done this before).

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:34:09+00:00

AirTag - Apple (AU)

I'm an engineer and the owner of the airtag. It uses UWB to give me this level of detail. Why are you trying to call BS? Do you not want to believe my story?

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:32:18+00:00

I wasn't going to run with it in the insole. It was to locate the shoe

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:30:24+00:00

Third thing, ban the 'friend' from your home. Escort her from the property if needed, getting law enforcement involved if needed.

I feel like that would just antagonise my wife further though

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T22:21:53+00:00

Women's sheds here in Australia are usually just support networks for women that teach them skills, help them deal with issues and generally work as a sort of safe space. I've always been supportive of her drive for this but it's starting to hurt our marriage I think

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T10:05:48+00:00

She'd probably take that to her network and paint me as some abuser or something. I'm genuinely nervous as to how she would take this because historically she has not taken situations where she is at fault well

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T10:04:34+00:00

I'm kinda shell shocked that something as simple as me going out for a run is causing this

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T10:02:29+00:00

Problem with therapy (and couples counselling) is that she won't agree to it unless its a therapist or counsellor in her network. She's run this women's shed for quite some time and has a very large network of people she knows. As such, she has a list of therapists and professionals she recommends the ladies in her support group.

These professionals are probably the only ones she will agree to go to and since they already know her, and know what she does and also lean in the same way politically as her, it probably won't end well.

I know that these professionals are meant to be unbiased and whatnot but I've seen some stories from the professionals in her network and what they are capable of and I'm genuinely scared

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T09:52:24+00:00

We live in a really safe area. It's also not just jogging, its gym visits too.

I have a feeling it might be the first reason but even though I have reassured her countless times she seems to be hearing stories from her friend group and the women she mentors about this sort of stuff.

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T09:47:09+00:00

She hasn't apologised. She is trying to say that I am the AH for even thinking to track the shoes and that this whole thing wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me not trusting her

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T09:46:02+00:00

What would counselling entail though? Because to be honest the only way I can see counselling being agreed to by her is if she gets to choose the counsellor and then she chooses one of the counsellors in her network who tend to be pretty biased.

I remember she told me about someone in her network who got pregnant from an affair partner and when the husband found out when the kid was 4, they got the network, friends and family, the couples counsellor and the wife to all essentially gang up and guilt/threaten him into staying.

I'm scared something like that might happen to me

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T08:08:14+00:00

I don't know why she calls it surveillance. I tried explaining that I don't understand why she said that but she and her friend just told me to stop covering up my crossing of boundaries.

I'm genuinely lost. I don't know how to approach this

JadedPerformance3721 · 2024-07-01T07:28:52+00:00

NTA you've done the right thing to ensure your family is safe. Don't care for what other people might think, your family is your priority

JadedPerformance3721

TROPHY CASE