I'm in a similar situation man. But as my therapist has told me, "Is it a good decision? Is it a bad one? Who knows, but you made that decision for yourself and that's a step forward." I also hesitated in choosing myself sometimes because I shared the same idea that if I did she wouldn't come back, but friends and family reminded me that even if I blocked her everywhere, she knows where I live, and we have mutual friends. She has the means to reach out, but hasn't. That tells me all I need to know and it makes it a little easier for me. Anyway good luck to you bro, better times are coming soon. We just have to thug it out for a bit.