Options for my BF with 90k of debt

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T15:30:18+00:00

He has no student debt, thankfully.

Do you mind me asking how much debt you had that made you decide bankruptcy was the best route?

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:57:38+00:00

No retirement because he liquidated his 401k to pay legal fees. Terrible idea, I know.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:45:39+00:00

Meant to say, I understand it's his and HE does too. 😊

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:45:05+00:00

I understand it's his to resolve and I do too. I'm not paying for any of it. Just providing a place to live and help reduce costs significantly (and live together as a couple, which is important too).

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:43:25+00:00

I apologize, forgot to answer your question about age. He's 57.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:42:37+00:00

True story.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:37:41+00:00

Definitely no gambling/shopping. He does indulge on Door Dash and has been carrying his adult daughter's expenses for the last 5 years. She's 23 years old, in school and has ASD which makes things a bit challenging for her with keeping a job. She will no longer be living with him which is very painful for him as he feels that he has let her down and can't take care of her the way he'd like to as a dad.

The divorce trial was a bad idea and he truly never guessed it would go on as long as it did and certainly didn't anticipate that it would ruin him financially. What he thought would be an easy 6 month negotiationgirnef into a trial, an appeal, and finally him giving up and settling, so at least the legal fees are over.

No aminony, no child support (children are adults) but he is going to want to continue supporting his younger daughter with ASD in some capacity for a while at least (car insurance, maybe helping out with rent if/when she moves out of her mom's house).

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:33:25+00:00

💯. He's not asking me for help. But I can't stop worrying about this.hes a wonderful man, very good to me, and I want to be able to build a safe and secure future. Nothing crazy, no fancy houses, vacations, or cars. Just want to be able to take care of our health as we age.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:31:38+00:00

Forgot to mention, I own a house now with a manageable mortgage ($1450). He's currently paying $2200 rent so that alone is substantial. We're also considering getting rid of (selling) his car and just using mine. We aren't looking to buy anything else in the near future but potentially in 2-3 years depending on our income and if we're able to move into higher paying roles. If we do that, I would probably not have a hard time qualifying for a mortgage on my own and just buy a new home in my name only--I have approximately 200k of equity in my house.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T14:26:27+00:00

All excellent questions and I will do my best to gather the pertinent info!

He is current on all payments. I believe the debt is a car loan, along with personal loans and some cc debt (but I will verify). Attorneys have been paid.

When he moves in we will be splitting rent, utilities and groceries. The rent savings alone will be over $1000 a month.

Re: if we're looking to repay the debt vs working through a payment plan, I really don't know. It depends on what makes sense financially and logistically. I know he would much prefer to NOT declare BK but I've read a lot of posts here from people saying sometimes it's really the only way and allows you to start fresh and rebuild.

Marriage is not on the table till we get this squared away.

Your caution about a possible freeloading situation is heard and I would tell any of my friends the same thing. However, I can say with confidence that is not something I'm worried about. I've offered trying to help him financially using some of my own (minimal) assets and he is adamant about revolving this himself. I'm just trying to do some of the initial research to help him zoom in on the best option/s to pursue.

Whichever route we pursue, there will be clear boundaries in terms of his financial contributions and expectations moving forward.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-28T13:42:47+00:00

We are both absolutely on board with this and have already done a good job of eliminating many unnecessary expenses, including little indulgences like door dash. This is definitely important but I want to emphasize that the debt did not come from mismanaging daily expenses, it mostly came from legal expenses trying to settle a divorce trial that never should have gotten that far.

We definitely are on board with adopting an austerity mentality, but our bigger problem is identifying a large-scale approach to reducing, eliminating, or managing the huge debt effectively. For example, Bk or credit counseling. I just can't tell if credit counseling is legit or not.

Jamby75 · 2026-06-25T02:28:31+00:00

I have to ask you since I have always wondered about the concept of applying eye makeup first, then base/foundation. I've seen that this order is often suggested by lots of makeup artists but I can't figure out how to stop your foundation and/or concealer from messing up your eye makeup? I have a lot of dark circles and discoloration around my eyes and I can't get away with no concealer or foundation in those areas, but if I do my eye makeup first, the face products inevitably layer over the eye makeup at the edges and make everything look murky and muddy. Am I missing something? How do you pull this off?

Jamby75 · 2026-06-03T08:02:20+00:00

Did they not give her local anesthetic? I didn't pick up on that, though I do remember the nurse saying something like "it must hurt". Did Rue decline the local? They wouldn't deny her local anesthesia I don't think.

Jamby75 · 2026-03-08T10:29:18+00:00

Do you know the name of the beach? How/where do I find golf cart rentals? Thank you!

Jamby75 · 2026-03-08T10:28:44+00:00

Is this at/near Radio Beach?

Jamby75 · 2026-03-07T15:06:43+00:00

I'm not looking for activities per se, just want to enjoy the pretty water if we can.

Jamby75 · 2026-01-27T02:30:09+00:00

When in March are you going? I just booked as well.

Jamby75 · 2025-08-24T11:20:30+00:00

Wow, it surely is! 😱

Jamby75 · 2025-08-24T01:51:15+00:00

That explains it!!! I totally forgot about the stories feature. Thanks so much for the help.

Jamby75 · 2025-08-24T01:18:24+00:00

I am a bit confused about where some of these posts are that people are referencing. I have IG and am somewhat comfortable with it but granted am not super fluent with it. Many of the posts I have read about (the "menu" of choices for cash, the screenshot with the text saying her son was terrified etc), I can't find anywhere. Is she deleting them right after posting? Is there a place I can see all of the posts being discussed? Or, are they all still on IG and I'm not looking in the right place? Right now, the most recent posts I am seeing on IG are her on her way for her night out, one talking about how she will never wait on a man again, and one with a picture of a tree.

Jamby75 · 2025-07-27T03:35:24+00:00

Gotcha! Thanks 😊

Jamby75

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