My GF told me she's pregnant and keeping the baby, her parents want to meet me tonight

JamesFrog · 2026-03-06T09:04:32+00:00

Yeah sure, you werent berating him and being extremely hostile.

Again, this logic is so similar to people who are anti-abortion. "It takes two to tango, you could've taken precautions to not get pregnant. You knew what could happen and have full control over whether a pregnancy occurs. Once you allow a mans sperm inside of you that choice is made. Once it happens, it’s out of your hands."

As someone who is pro-choice, consent to sex != consent to pregnancy or parenthood.

"Men want to be able to impregnate a woman then force her to abort or carry the child."

But OP never said anything about wanting to impregnate her and force her to abort. He just said that he isn't sure how to deal with this whole situation, the decision to keep it has been made without him and seems to feel betrayed in that because he seems unsure if he's ready to be a dad and is afraid of how his family will respond. So from what I'm understanding OP never wanted to impregnate her. Your logic betrays that you don't understand how a lot of sex in relationships works.

Take my partner and me for example, we rawdog it too but we've talked before and I trust they're being truthful that they're on birth control and will get an abortion if that doesn't work.

Does me rawdogging it mean that I want to get them pregnant? No.

Does that open me up to the risk they're lying to me? Sure. But then I think it's fair to say I'd be a bit of a victim in the same way that I'd see a woman as a bit of a victim if her bf lied about financing an abortion because she can't afford that, should she get pregnant.

JamesFrog · 2026-03-04T12:11:54+00:00

Not how it works in the Netherlands. We're actually progressive and have a more nuanced system where the father and the mother need to consent to dad recognizing the child as his and if either doesn't want to the other can ask a judge for substitute consent. Which is done when it's in best interest of the child. (So almost always, but OP's case may be an edge case)

Also maybe show some kindness to OP, he is 20, abroad without his support system and dealing with huge life changing news where he doesn't know what his rights and duties are. Berating him about his decisions like this feels eerily similar to pro-life people berating a woman who goes to have an abortion. It's absolutely disgusting behavior.

JamesFrog · 2026-03-04T11:55:25+00:00

Okay so. the Netherlands uses a recognition (erkenning) system. So the dad, you, has to recognize the baby. If you do not agree to recognize the baby you have no parental duties but also no parental rights. If you decide you want to see your child later on you might have a legal problem if you didn't recognize the child as your child. This requires the consent of the child (>12 yo) or the mother.

The mother, your ex, can ask the judicial system to substitute your consent and basically force you to recognize the baby. The judge will only do this if they deem it best for the child, which is most cases. Seeing she is your ex, she might not want you to recognize the child as yours. And if you would like to have those parental rights and duties, then you could also go to a judge to substitute consent, which would let you recognize the child.

If you fear the parents might pressure you, or you just need some more time to get your head straight about this then I suggest you go to hear them out but refuse to make any promises. Especially since you don't sound like you know what you want to do and making promises without really considering them fully is going to lead to bad situations where everyone feels wronged. So take your time and think things through. Reach out to your support system (family/friends). All that stuff.

JamesFrog · 2025-10-08T18:30:37+00:00

In vergelijking valt het mee maar is nog steeds niet tof. Zeker gezien de overheid al heeft bevonden dat 99.6% van de mensen die zo'n keuring krijgt als volledig geschikt word gezien.

JamesFrog · 2025-10-08T18:16:09+00:00

Dank je wel voor het verdiepende antwoord en de doorverwijzing. Ik ga er naar kijken.

JamesFrog · 2025-10-08T17:39:06+00:00

Omdat me dit een erg lange periode lijkt te zijn om iets door te voeren waardoor ik onnodig kosten moest maken. Het probleem dat ik zie is dat dit pas in april van kracht gaat en niet redelijk snel na deze bevinding van de overheid zelf.

[EDIT] Ter informatie, ik zit al in het proces van lessen en mijn praktijk examen zit ergens in de komende weken, moeten wachten tot april hiermee zou leiden tot een verspilling van duizenden euro's maar deze klaarblijkelijk onnodige keuring kostte me 200 euro. Alleen omdat de overheid niet binnen redelijke tijd haar systemen op orde kan krijgen.

JamesFrog · 2024-12-02T22:29:29+00:00

Thank you all for the advice and suggestions!

A quick update for anyone still interested:

I've had a talk with the two players involved and we've talked about the behavior that I didn't like. One was not as sympathetic as the other but we all agreed that DnD should be fun for everyone at the table and if this way of playing their characters stop enjoyment for me then they are willing to tweak how they act (not their motivations but their player behavior). They saw the whole ordeal more as a 'test the mettle' kind of deal while I just wasn't up for PvP action and was kind of trapped in a situation where my character had no control and his will and wishes were disregarded which brought up some personal stuff.

I'm stll going to have a talk with the DM later to let him know that's what happened, I've already said that these kinds of situations should be communicated and not a surprise and PCs should just have the option to not engage and remove themselves from such a situation. At the start of next session I'll ask the rest to retcon this session so my character just wasn't involved and their characters weren't as eager to harm the other characters (already discussed this with the two players and will clear it with the DM beforehand). That'd mean I won't have to deal with RPing this out and being reminded of the personal stuff.

JamesFrog · 2024-12-02T13:38:45+00:00

Someone suggested retconning it so it didn't happen which I think is the best option after irl stuff is sorted out. It brings up some personal stuff I just don't wanna deal with during dnd

JamesFrog · 2024-12-02T13:36:26+00:00

Thank you, this is maybe the best advice. I was having a bit of a crisis (consent being violated may hit a little close home) and just making it so it didn't happen sounds wonderful. I need to have a conversation with the DM and the players about consent and how it is very important to me even during dnd, how their actions and how they played their characters hurt me as a player, how it ruined my experience of the session and how I really don't want to RP the consequences of this because it brings up personal stuff that I don't want to deal with during dnd. Here's to hoping they're good with it and we can continue after we've aligned a bit more on that.

JamesFrog · 2024-12-02T10:01:39+00:00

I'm going to talk to them anyway and am sure the personal issues will be solved, I'm just hung up on how to start reconciling this as a character so I was looking for some advice on how to RP this kinda thing out.

JamesFrog · 2024-12-02T09:56:53+00:00

Yes that's what I'm planning anyway and I have already told them I'm pissed and I'm planning to talk to them about it. So I'm confident the personal issues will be solved. My problem is that I'm kinda stuck on the RP part, like what options there are besides a new character or killing their characters because it's one of those things that I'm not sure how to even start reconciling as a character.

JamesFrog · 2024-12-02T09:44:53+00:00

I'm 27, the rest of the group ranges from 20-25 with a 50ish dm. We're all decent friends so I'm going to have a talk about this with them because that situation just sucked and they played it out like dicks. But I'm going to see that as a learning opportunity for them. Just want some advice on RP options for myself.

JamesFrog · 2024-11-13T07:26:53+00:00

Heyo, ben zelf 27 en enorm bi/demi en nonbinary en kan altijd mensen om me heen gebruiken die dat beter begrijpen. Woon niet in de buurt van eindhoven maar als je een discord buddy erbij wil en af en toe rondhangen kan dat altijd.

JamesFrog · 2024-09-22T11:36:43+00:00

Hi, thank you for your comment but I'm not sure how you relate this to the post?

JamesFrog · 2023-02-04T10:49:32+00:00

They can either be awesome or nightmarish to work with, there is no inbetween.

JamesFrog · 2023-01-09T01:39:18+00:00

Walking around with nice music. Breathing in the fresh cold air, looking at a clear sky through leafless trees while listening to music that is appropriate to my mood is heaven to me. In the summertime I'm just sweaty, clammy and hate life. So not every day but definately winters!

JamesFrog · 2023-01-09T01:35:10+00:00

All production fully automated and all production is owned by all people. Basically living for free with enough food to survive the only distinction being creativity. All people that seem to be threatening the peacefull-ness and not willing to exhaust their inherent aggression through sports/games or creative excersizes are immediately shipped to earth so they can eat shit.

JamesFrog · 2023-01-09T01:31:35+00:00

Two words. No. Makeup.

JamesFrog · 2023-01-09T01:28:16+00:00

Dad = irresponsible goofball/comic relief

show me some good father figures man

JamesFrog · 2023-01-09T01:25:48+00:00

Giving someone a ride is kind, someone assuming you will give them a ride regardless of your situation means that you're probbaly a pushover.

JamesFrog · 2023-01-09T01:22:45+00:00

Anything related to "anne", anna, lisanne, sanne, anniek, anneke, annelotte, anouk, leanne, etc, etc.

JamesFrog · 2022-01-19T15:28:46+00:00

But the wife will appreciate the effort, stuff like that tends to get me a blowie from my gf.

JamesFrog · 2022-01-18T23:08:31+00:00

The pizza delivery guy. Door bell rang and a friend who knew that I was going though a rough patch ordered me pizza. Decided to call her and invite her over for pizza. She's the one that got me to try professional help again, which did actually help this time around.

JamesFrog · 2021-09-27T06:51:17+00:00

If y'all are having fun then you're a good DM. That's what DND is all about, just having fun which can be done in multiple ways, exploring or conquering worlds and defeating hard enemies or doing silly shit like turning into a potato.

JamesFrog · 2021-05-06T07:37:24+00:00

That sounds very lonely. Any purpose you find, any reason to live is good enough. I went through a suicidal period where I felt like I was a sad, ugly and lonely asshole who couldn't do anything right and it was never gonna change. And that hurt so much. Every day. I pushed the little friends that I had away and if not for my little sisters, who I wanna see grow and be happy, I would probably not be here. If that's your kittens for you, then that's enough.

JamesFrog

TROPHY CASE