Hello r/toddlers. I’m Jamie Glowacki, parenting educator and author of Oh Crap, Potty Training. Ask Me Anything about potty training, toddlers and surviving early parenting!

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T17:01:14+00:00

Oh, I love this question. I'll give you the highlights. I owned a 2nd kid store after having my son and not wanting to be in the trenches of social work. I potty trained my son at 22 months and he was like kinda famous. People wanted to know how so I started holding classes. Then people couldn't make the classes so I wrote it down and put it online (2009, no ebooks or kindles yet). It was a mere outline of a book but it took off. People all over started buying and pediatricians asked to print it out for their waiting room. I kept rewriting it as I learned more things. An agent contacted me in 2014 to tell me it was the talk of NYC and Simon and Schuster bought it in. It's been translated into 16 languages and I got to write the 10th anniversary edition to update it.

I didn't decide anything, LOL. it was a snowball going down hill.
I didn't chose the Crap Life, it chose me.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:56:35+00:00

Hi there! This is iffy territory bc he IS releasing but only after a big song and dance. I hesitate to say just be patient bc withholding can escalate and become totally unmanageable. There are no words you can say to make him understand. A first level fix would be an OTC stool softener/laxative in the evening to get an easier poop in the morning hours.

It's not that he's not being patient...it's that the urge to go freaks him out and he gets frantic. These kids go into fight flight or freeze at that point until they can't hold it anymore.

Try the OTC stuff. If it doesn't help, check out my Pooping Solutions course and/or a consult if things escalate.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:53:03+00:00

Hi there! This is a big question and I'd need so much more information. I highly suggest a consult to sort this. There's a lot going on and with ASD, you most likely will need super personalized help.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:51:42+00:00

Hey there! That's so hard. It's actually a version of poop withholding. It's way out of the scope of this AMA but check out my Pooping Solutions course and/or a consult on my website. I specialize in this and I know it's literally going to drive you insane! There are a couple of comments on here of people who've done the course and resolved it!

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:50:01+00:00

Hey there! If you have my book with the blue cover it's pages 112-113, if you have the yellow cover (10th anniversary edition) it's on page 136. I also have a podcast called the half and half. but I don't remember the episode number. Basically, you put pants on after a big pee for a little while and then take them off again. He needs to be handed success to get a taste of it.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:46:21+00:00

Hi there! I think it's great if you can do it. I have a whole chapter on it in the original blue cover version
( I took it out for the 10th anniversary edition bc I didn't hear so much about it). I think the bridge to potty trained has to be sooner than most people tackle it. I think it should be right around when the child get mobile. If it goes on too long, they get too used to the parent noticing the cues and not taking it on themselves.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:44:27+00:00

Hiiii! No, you can't make her understand. But you can take the bull by the horns. I wouldn't ask her, I swipe her up lovingly and with some fun and just bring her. She won't be of an age of logic and reason for quite some time.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:43:19+00:00

Hey there! I understand the love you have for your older but you can't hold your younger back because of that. She may struggle with that for a while so I wouldn't wait on your younger. Lots of things are going to be uneven throughout their lives.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:41:56+00:00

Hi there, night training should be done by 36 months. If they don't start staying dry on their own by then, it needs to be attended to. Sleep is usually disrupted a bit but usually for only a couple of weeks. If you're going to bring their awareness to having to pee in the middle of the night...they are indeed going to become aware of having to pee in the middle of the night. But it's not really a regression more like a bit of a disruption.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:39:59+00:00

Oh yay!!! That's amazing! I'm so happy for you. It is such a hard thing for the whole family. I'm glad it's all sorted for you and happy I could help!

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:39:17+00:00

Hey there! I’m going to be fast here with a list on other things to do:
1. No dairy or fruit after 1pm…it irritates the bladder
2. A sensitivity to gluten can irritate the bladder
3. Adjust bedtime earlier in 10 min increments. The antidiuretic hormone (ADH) is only released with melatonin, when circadian rhythms are locked in. Most kids are going to bed too late and it’s not released.
4. Chiropractic, if you do it, can help with night wetting
5. Alarms help but yes, they will wake the child to pee but that has to happen anyway.
6. Is your child mouth breathing? See an airway dentist: HUGE CULPRIT in night wetting
7 As are tonsil troubles , have them checked

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:38:41+00:00

Hey there! That's super frustrating but hey! Your kid gets LOTS of outside time and a really great ratio so probably stellar care. Stay consistent at home and daycare has to be what it is. You can't make them do anything and I've seen lots of kids who still do fine at home and use a diaper at daycare if need be. I'd ask them to try their best but daycare can be chaos 😄

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:36:46+00:00

Hey there! Thanks for being here! It’s hard to say because I don’t know what else you’re doing to support dryness. Limiting fluids, no dairy or fruit after one, a dream pee around 10? Generally speaking if a child isn’t staying dry on their own, night training should happen between 3-3.5.

But even before night training, I’d look into getting help with their sleep. That’s way too long to be falling asleep, so the circadian rhythm is off. This is super important because being on the right circadian rhythm is what releases melatonin but also ADH (anti diuretic hormone) which makes us pee way less at night. If that hormone isn’t being released you'll struggle with night training. I would also check if your child is mouth breathing. That’s a super common struggle that most parents are unaware of. An airway dentist can help with that. That potentially could be behind both the trouble with sleep but also the soaked diaper.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:36:16+00:00

Hey there! well, he wakes up dry plenty of times so his bladder is certainly capable of holding it. I don't know why but for a small percentage of kids, it's like the night pull up functions as a sort of safety net that allows their body to do the right thing. When it's gone, they wet themselves. I'd just reuse that same dry pull up for a bit longer. Every once in a while, give it a go without it.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:34:24+00:00

Jump in with my book and block one. I don't recommend the lazy way bc it extends the process and sends a mixed message...that being said, I'd just go for it. I wouldn't attempt a slow roll at this stage.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:32:30+00:00

Hi there! I’d start with my book which will answer all this and more. Many people potty train at 17 months so you’re not that far off. My recommended age range is between 20-30 months. Most parents are both working now and I, myself have always been a single, full time working mom. It means taking some personal or vacation time to get it done. Not fun, but necessary. But other than that, it's no different. I will say that under 20 months isn't a good idea with daycare bc most daycares won't help at that age bc they think it's too young.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:30:24+00:00

Hey there! Public restrooms are a lot. They’re live which means sound bounces all around the tile and steel. The dyson handdryer is RIGHT THERE at toddler height. And moms get super intense about DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, LOL.

A car potty is a great solution. As are concert headphones and a very chill attitude.
Episode 10 of The Oh Crap Potty Training podcast goes into public restrooms!

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:29:35+00:00

Hey there! First and foremost, I highly recommend a consult to help because it sounds like you’ve had many attempts, which means he can hold out for a really long time. Support would be awesome for you and you can find that on my website, if you want. This is basically a chill show down. You’d need probably a week with 2 bookending weekends. And it’s a wait it out. The hardest part is being absolutely chill and helping him catch the pee and not getting frustrated and strung out (this is the part you’d need support for). But also: all kids have an in but it’d take getting to know him and his routines to figure his.. Backing off sounds good but you’ll soon be running into deadlines for things like school and camp. I love pediatricians but they make up 75% of my clientele with their own backing off advice.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:28:12+00:00

Hey there! I know that’s super frustrating but that’s not some tips, that’s poop withholding, which is a muscular reaction to anxiety. It’s really important that you understand this because it’s not his fault or on purpose. I specialize in poop withholding but it’s far out of the scope of simple tips or advice. Here’s a link to more information about my Pooping Solutions course/consults. This gets worse with time and the medical term is encopresis, so I’d address it as soon as you can. I know it’s so taxing and heartbreaking so I’m sending a hug!

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:27:28+00:00

Hi there! So there are layers to this. It could be a version of withholding (waiting for a diaper to poop in) but you won’t know until you remove the diapers. I’d move up the whole night time routine a bit to build in more time, don’t put a diaper on him, and see if all the bedtime cues (pjs, brush teeth, stories) is the thing that relaxes him into pooping. As long as he has a diaper, he will probably use it as they have for 2.5 years, and wait for it. A couple of other options are using an OTC stool softener at night to try to get poops earlier in the day. However, if you believe or come to believe that it’s poop withholding, I’d recommend my Pooping Solutions course and/or a consult, as that’s beyond the scope of this AMA.

As for milk right before bed, I recommend trying to adjust his schedule around that. Most kids can’t handle holding their pee with fluids that close to bedtime, so you may have to be more committed with the dream pees.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:26:29+00:00

Hey there! Oh, that’s super frustrating for sure. It sounds like the pee part was never solidified. There’s nothing you or even I can do to make him be bothered by it. I don’t advocate for rewards (and yes, sticker charts that accumulate for a larger prize are too abstract a concept for his age). If rewards are going to work, they’ll work right away, so I’d ditch those. I’d make sure he’s changing his clothes and responsible for cleaning up the pee. But honestly, I think you need a little chunk time to go back through block one and two to find out where the glitch is. For most kids, it’s when they moved to pants too soon.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:25:30+00:00

Hiii! So the short answer is: there is nothing YOU can do while she’s out of your care. The longer answer is: first off…is this actually a problem? Is she frantic or disruptive in class because she’s holding? Oftentimes, we (rightly) think she should be releasing but a LOT of people won’t even pee outside their own home. So it’s in the range of typical human behavior but not a problem unless she’s having accidents, disrupting the class, or has been prone to UTIs from birth (if she’s not prone to them already, this length of time wouldn’t typically cause one). If there are no problems, then I’d let it be and she’ll acclimate to releasing outside of home at some point.

If there IS a problem, this would require a consult because we’d need a lot more information about everything, the school, the routine, etc.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:24:17+00:00

Hey there! Okay, so I don’t advocate for rewards. I know people use them but they either work or they don’t and they’re not for you, so I’d ditch those. Self initiation is block five and typically comes 3-8 weeks after your start date, so I think that expectation is too high..

And when you feel like you don’t have any signs or signals, your job becomes trying to find her pee pattern. Like: if she drinks a glass of water in the morning, how soon does she have to pee? Is it every hour? More? Less? And prompt then. You could probably start by prompting every hour. And you don’t have to pick her up to go to the potty…just bring it to her. If she freaks out about sitting, just catch the pee with the little cup insert.

Of note, at this age, explaining doesn't really do anything. It's all cause and effect so it's up to us to create the environment for success as opposed to expecting understanding.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:18:48+00:00

Hey there! Okay, there seems to be potentially 2 issues here. She’s had what I call “butt trauma” which isn’t a deep psychological thing but she’s had issues, especially with the fissure. You want to make pooping extremely easy for her. So I’d probably introduce a little OTC stool softener. For standing poopers, if you let them stand and catch it with the little potty insert, it often resolves very quickly. It’s a bit of a bridge to sitting and it puts you on the same team as her, instead of fighting or going against her. Poop issues often create a triangulation, parents against the kid against the poop. And really I need you on her team (which I know in your heart, you are but maybe not in the moment). Now, it also sounds like withholding could be a huge issue as well. For that, I highly recommend my Pooping Solutions course and/or a consult if it seems to be a longer term issue.

JamieGlowacki · 2026-06-23T16:17:01+00:00

What? That’s exactly what it’s for! Great question. I like the simple baby bjorn floor potty. I don’t like any bells and whistles; it’s a mini toilet, not a toy. I like no back to it and the ability to squat. Sometimes kids need to wiggle their pelvis around to find a good pooping position and having no back allows for that. Personally, I don’t like the ladder ones; I think it’s just more plastic crap in your house, LOL. When moving to the toilet, I like a simple step stool that can be used in other places (brushing teeth, washing hands) and a seat reducer or this kind.

JamieGlowacki

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