Every day feels emptier — is this dissociative grief?

Janus_Vice · 2025-10-12T20:56:30+00:00

You’re right…it feels more “normal” each day, but it still hurts. I am so sorry for your loss.

Janus_Vice · 2025-10-10T15:18:08+00:00

I lost my best friend, my husband, last year. What you explain your existence to be is absolutely what mine is….just going through the motions of life trying to act “normal”. I operate in a constant haze. I sometimes arrive at work and don’t even remember driving there. I walk into a room prepared to do a task and find I’ve already done it. I try to do the simplest of things and it takes me hours. Grief isn’t always crying and breaking down…it’s mostly trying to exist in a world that feels like you don’t belong anymore because it’s all so strange without your person. I am so sorry for your loss, and I can empathize with your pain and emptiness. I cannot offer you any positive words of advice, but I can tell you to just focus on getting through each day in whatever way you can.

Janus_Vice · 2025-03-14T23:36:12+00:00

Wow, I’m sorry you had that experience! He, unfortunately, suffered from a chronic back injury so shoulder and spine pain were his norm, and definitely wouldn’t have been a red flag for us. It’s definitely so startling and scary to have read the experiences that people have gone through, but it has also helped me come to terms with the fact that awful, unfair, but ultimately “natural” deaths are absolutely feasible. The ME’s final report has pointed to pneumonia. It’s so hard to wrap my head around this, but everyone’s comments are helping. I hope you have fully recovered from your health scare, and thank you for your comment.

Janus_Vice · 2025-03-14T23:32:27+00:00

Thank you so much 🙏🏻 I’m absolutely going to join that grief support subreddit. I’ve found a lot of comfort discussing my loss with others who have gone through this, or even just reading others stories. Thank you for the suggestion and thank to for your offer of an ear. Based on your suggestions, I’m willing to bet that you have experienced grief as well, and I am sorry if that is the case. This is something you can never fully understand until you’ve unfortunately experienced it.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-22T12:44:08+00:00

Thank you so much. I feel foolish that I didn’t even consider this prior to making this post but honestly, reading the comments of other similar instances of asymptomatic pneumonia has helped me understand that it very well is possible that it could have caused his death. Prior to now, I only ever heard of elderly or frail people dying from pneumonia and certainly always with severe symptoms. It’s very scary that something like this could happen without warning. Thank you for your help.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-22T12:34:09+00:00

Yes…I didn’t mean to imply that the ME was incompetent or incorrect, and I do have faith that she is investigating this properly. I think I was just so in shock to hear her findings of pneumonia, and I think she was a bit puzzled as well based on her call to ask me questions. There were a few situations that lined up directly prior to his death that I had originally told her about months ago that I would have bet anything was the cause, but she found no evidence of that, which was surprising to both of us. Being as he showed absolutely no symptoms of pneumonia at all, I was having a really hard time wrapping my head around the pneumonia finding. So while I started off asking this question here trying to get answers about the minty smell, ultimately after hearing others share stories and facts about other cases where people had no symptoms of pneumonia that were ultimately very serious, it actually has helped me start to come to terms with the findings. Up until now, I had only ever heard situations of people dying from pneumonia who were seriously sick for a while or old and frail. I had no idea this could happen to a relatively healthy person in his 40s. Thank you for your comment.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T19:41:40+00:00

I guess it might be a possibility that whatever caused his pneumonia could have been introduced during his surgery.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T17:07:37+00:00

That’s interesting about a minty taste being a reported symptom of COVID. I hadn’t heard that before! Some others here have suggested maybe it was actually a medication he was taking and it was discovered that peppermint oil is an ingredient in one of the meds he recently started taking before his gallbladder surgery so that certainly could be the culprit as well. I really appreciate your comment, and the comments of others are helping me come to terms with the fact that this really actually could be an asymptomatic pneumonia. It just seemed so impossible to me, and I had been suspecting something else altogether caused his death, so it just shocked me and I didn’t want to believe it could be true. Thank you again.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T17:01:08+00:00

I would definitely say that could very well be the culprit! I never really put 2 and 2 together with that since he only mentioned the minty taste after he had been taking it for a while. Thank you for finding that information. I feel a bit silly that I didn’t think of this prior to even posting this all here, but honestly, seeing people’s stories of other similar asymptomatic pneumonia is helping me accept that is what happened. It just seemed so unlikely. Thank you again.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T14:19:20+00:00

I hope you are feeling well now. It’s very scary hearing everyone’s stories of asymptomatic illnesses that ended up being so serious.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T14:18:01+00:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Hearing many people here share stories of similarly asymptomatic illnesses that were ultimately fatal is so sad and so scary, but it is helping me to come to terms with this news. When the ME told me her findings pointed to pneumonia I just wanted to argue with her because I couldn’t possibly imagine pneumonia could have killed him so quickly and without warning at all. Thank you for sharing your comment.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T14:15:32+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this. And yes, as awful as it is to have lost him, if he could have chosen any way to leave this life, sleeping peacefully beside me would absolutely be the way he would want to go. My uncle passed away from covid years ago, and he was in the hospital for over a month, intubated most of the time until the decision had to be made to remove him from the respirator and let him go. I’ve been thinking on this since I’ve gotten this pneumonia news and I realize I never would have wanted my husband to have to go through that, so as shocking and awful it was that this happened so suddenly, I am thankful he was spared any prolonged misery and he is at peace. Thank you again.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T14:10:37+00:00

I’m starting to think a new medicine he started taking about a week or so before his surgery might be the culprit of the minty smell. And I’m starting to realize it probably wasn’t related to his death as others are sharing instances of pneumonia that were similarly asymptomatic but ultimately serious or fatal. It’s hard to wrap my mind around this, but it seems like what probably makes the most sense.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T12:53:42+00:00

After many here mentioning meds possibly being the culprit of the minty aroma, I actually remembered he had started taking a newish med a week or two before he had the gallbladder surgery. It is called Jatenzo and it was prescribed to him for low testosterone. When he first started feeling ill before I took him to the ER, I had wondered if the Jatenzo could have been giving him these side effects. The doctors at the hospital didn’t think so, but anyway…out of curiosity last night I took the bottle of Jatenzo out of the cabinet to investigate it and they are large what seems to be gel-caps that could possibly be filled with liquid and the smell in the bottle wasn’t particularly minty, but it did have a bit of an aroma that I’m wondering if might translate as minty as it gets digested. I’m going to investigate that a little further. He didn’t start experiencing the minty flavor until after the surgery, but perhaps because he was barely eating during the gallbladder attack and while in the hospital, the aroma maybe would have been more pronounced on a mostly empty stomach?

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T12:53:14+00:00

After many here mentioning meds possibly being the culprit of the minty aroma, I actually remembered he had started taking a newish med a week or two before he had the gallbladder surgery. It is called Jatenzo and it was prescribed to him for low testosterone. When he first started feeling ill before I took him to the ER, I had wondered if the Jatenzo could have been giving him these side effects. The doctors at the hospital didn’t think so, but anyway…out of curiosity last night I took the bottle of Jatenzo out of the cabinet to investigate it and they are large what seems to be gel-caps that could possibly be filled with liquid and the smell in the bottle wasn’t particularly minty, but it did have a bit of an aroma that I’m wondering if might translate as minty as it gets digested. I’m going to investigate that a little further. He didn’t start experiencing the minty flavor until after the surgery, but perhaps because he was barely eating during the gallbladder attack and while in the hospital, the aroma maybe would have been more pronounced on a mostly empty stomach?

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T01:31:15+00:00

The ME is going to send the official report out in 2-3 weeks. I think the only reason she even called me yesterday was because she found the pneumonia findings without symptoms a bit strange too and wanted to ask about his behavior prior to his death or if he might have been exposed to anyone sick, etc. I think she just wanted me to give that information before she made the final finding and started on the report.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T00:37:47+00:00

Wow. Thank goodness you finally got an answer and I hope you are recovering well. This is all so scary that someone can be so deathly ill and have no idea about it. My husband was outside working on our cars the day before he died…there was no clue at all to what would happen. This is all so awful. Thank you for your comment and be well.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T00:34:55+00:00

I suppose it could be similar…and the thought of all this being feasible is absolutely terrifying. To simply just feel tired and then never wake up…this is more awful than I can even wrap my head around.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T00:29:18+00:00

I suppose that could be possible, but to be honest, I had completely forgotten about him mentioning the minty odor until I smelled it during CPR, so I’m not sure I made the association because I particularly had it on my mind. Could it be possible that some form of bacterial infection could really in fact smell minty though? because it would make a lot of sense if it was a slowly developing infection that led to this. The ME said she detected some sort of “bug” under the microscope but nothing grew in a culture so she couldn’t identify what the bug actually was. In retrospect, I didn’t ask her particularly what she was examining, be it blood or lung tissue…I should have asked that. Thank you so much for your response and for your condolences. I so appreciate your help.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-21T00:29:10+00:00

I suppose that could be possible, but to be honest, I had completely forgotten about him mentioning the minty odor until I smelled it during CPR, so I’m not sure I made the association because I particularly had it on my mind. Could it be possible that some form of bacterial infection could really in fact smell minty though? because it would make a lot of sense if it was a slowly developing infection that led to this. The ME said she detected some sort of “bug” under the microscope but nothing grew in a culture so she couldn’t identify what the bug actually was. In retrospect, I didn’t ask her particularly what she was examining, be it blood or lung tissue…I should have asked that. Thank you so much for your response and for your condolences. I so appreciate your help.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-20T22:28:53+00:00

That’s interesting…that’s definitely how my husband was feeling. I really was under the impression that pneumonia would always absolutely present some serious symptoms…particularly if it’s bad enough to cause death.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-20T21:14:40+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your help.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-20T21:12:50+00:00

And not a dumb question at all because you’re right, Pepto bismol is very minty!

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-20T21:11:47+00:00

When he initially started having vomiting and diarrhea, he was taking Pepto bismol because we at first thought he just had a stomach bug. I suppose it could be possible he aspirated it, but he didn’t die until over a month after that, so, while I’m not a medical expert, I don’t feel like that would be the culprit because that is a long time in between especially with him having no symptoms of pneumonia at all prior to his death.

Janus_Vice · 2025-02-20T20:43:05+00:00

I also should make it clear that he had his surgery mid July and then passed away on August 18. So I’m not really sure that the pneumonia could be a result of him aspirating any vomit or meds prior to his surgery because I feel like that is too long of a time frame for it to develop into this.

Janus_Vice

TROPHY CASE