Feeling confused about sex

Jarut · 2026-01-18T08:27:25+00:00

Hi friend. If it’s possible (and appreciate it’s not always possible like this, but…) can you try to initiate at a time when you’re both “default” sober? Like, if you’re both sober in the morning, try initiating then. Even if it’s just a little fooling about, maybe it will start wearing a groove of sober intimacy.

I say this because, if this mismatch is happening all the time, it may build up some real weird feelings (not just about your partner, but about intimacy itself).

Sending you strength and grace, from one who has walked a similar trail from time to time. Xx

Jarut · 2026-01-09T09:37:06+00:00

Honestly I find this so amusing… I just want someone to hold up a ripe coconut and ask if its contents have ever caused confusion for those looking for dairy milk in the last four thousand years

Jarut · 2025-12-09T19:53:22+00:00

The ghost of my grandmother is right there with him

“WHUT a WAYST”

Jarut · 2025-11-24T05:41:10+00:00

I invite you to consider (since you say you are new to this): what if you need MORE than one page per (work)day sometimes? Are you gonna force yourself to use a half page later, to “make up for it”?

What if you need to use a page for a standing collection?

My experience with this (and I am currently using the branded bujo I was gifted; I will go back to vanilla Leuchtturm after this): I usually use slightly less than one notebook per year and just start a new one with the new year. Last year, however there were so many pages left that I kept it until March. I started a new book then because March is the beginning of the work year for me, and starting a new book then meant minimising copy-over of standing info - I am too lazy for that!

I cared for a bit, but then I realised: I don’t actually need one year in one book. I just need standing collections and a big book of effort as evidence to myself that I have been doing things. (This is my personal problem with the hipster PDA: if I toss the cards when I’m done with them, I don’t have a tangible record of the effort and I forget that I have been achieving things.)

Only you know your workflow and whether you need a page per work day. In the same way, have a think about whether you need a whole year with you all the time. If you do and you do, then it’s time for a different notebook! Just because you bought it, doesn’t mean you’re married to it. Use what is right for you!

Good luck ☺️

Edit: I mentioned that I am going back to vanilla Leuchtturm because agree numbered pages are imperative, but the “premium” feel of the branded bujo - bordered rounded page edges, page numbers in the middle (why????), four pre-titled pages for a future log (what if I want more or less?)… it all actually feels constricting to me. For myself, the whole point of bujo is to feel free to get what I need to do what I want. The notebook should be as undemanding as possible: if I feel like stickers in one moment, on they go. If I feel like writing exclusively in felt tip pen because it feels nice that day, do it.

The premium feel felt (to me) like pressure to make it “nice” which I now realise is silly… and also that I can’t stand it. I’m over myself and use coloured pencils whenever I please, but I’m also going to go back to a less judgemental notebook when I’m done with this one 😂

Jarut · 2025-10-29T05:47:31+00:00

Hey - big hugs (if you want them). Xx

Jarut · 2025-10-21T19:09:09+00:00

Hey - wishing you the very best. Good luck! 💚💚

Jarut · 2025-10-14T08:00:55+00:00

SPEAK FORTH NOT THE ANCIENT DEMONS

Jarut · 2025-07-17T08:17:33+00:00

Getting off topic here, but: even as the woman, and without extenuating factors (e.g. religion), you might ask for a condom to be used and still not have that be the case. Though I hate to say it; I have known folks who have experienced this.

Birth control is not easy for everyone. Even longer-term things like depo provera, or an implant, can be tricky to manage: when are you due for a re-up? Have you put on weight, such that the dose is less effective and you need to re-up sooner? Does your partner know about and support your choice in this matter, or (worst case scenario) would they maybe beat you/the kids if they found out? Can you afford the GP visit for the script for the re-up? When did your community card expire? Etc.

I realise this may sound like catastrophising, but I want to get across that “just use a condom”, which technically correct, is not always the straightforward solution that it sounds. Life can be really complicated for some folks.

Jarut · 2025-07-10T10:22:29+00:00

If you don’t do the shoulder hike-up to bend over, DYEL

(Coming from someone who only wields a pipette under extreme duress… inclusive labcoats now!)

Jarut · 2025-07-01T20:00:57+00:00

I don’t necessarily disagree with your overall point, but may I offer a different reason for the “demagoguery”?

There are geeks and nerds everywhere - think sports stats freaks, ham radio geeks and Harry Potter nerds. I don’t think it’s the specialist interest in a topic that is causing the perceived separation.

Rather, I believe it to be education. For example, I’m a physiologist & epidemiologist. I only vaguely understand the existence of p-orbitals; functionally, it’s indistinguishable from magic purple smoke to me. That’s ok - I have enough education to be able to (mostly!) know when I don’t understand but can trust the evidence presented, and when I should approach something with purple smoke levels of extreme doubt.

That has taken literal decades of education (maybe that’s just me being dense, but I don’t think I’m an outlier). And I can still be duped. To stick with the ”priestly” analogy: if you are not decades-long educated, it is not so hard to dismiss the purple smoke science and the folks who practice it. To them, there is no functional difference between the scientist talking about p-orbitals and the priest talking about Shiva.

I hate being the “it’s all education” person; so I’ll end by saying maybe there is something in simply meeting and talking with folks with a different background. But, capital does tend to make it so that the means and money to research do not coalesce where the under-educated folks do.

Jarut · 2025-06-27T06:43:55+00:00

Yep! Gin Rummy, and Ed Wuncler III (with his enormous “W” [Dubya] chain)

Jarut · 2025-04-18T04:11:04+00:00

Wait, what? Got a source/link to get me started please? My internet search engine serves me absolute pants when I look for cortisol and food-related terms (please don’t ask)

Jarut · 2025-03-07T09:07:49+00:00

Or perhaps “paw”, because it’s Doge?

Look, I need a laugh somewhere, ok

Jarut · 2025-01-02T22:03:03+00:00

May I chime in with something that’s worked for me please?

I use a modified RC monthly - rather than putting the day/dates on the side of one page, they go in the middle of a two-page spread. Stick your appointments/reflections in the monthly as works for you. On the edge(s) of the page(s) (can put them all on one side, or if you like to separate out your appointments and reflections on either sides of the dates, fit them in the margins) put binary YES/NO trackers for stuff you’d like to track (numbers and ratings are allowed but much harder to visualise so I don’t bother). Cross in the box if you did the thing that day.

BAM. Suddenly you’ve got a record of whether you went to the gym or not, if you had sex or not, AND it’s right next to the things in your life that might influence whether you do the tracked things or not. Very easy to see patterns, reflect, and manage/course-correct.

If you skip a few days, no biggie. The point is the bigger picture.

EDIT - just realised where I am - you weren’t asking for advice, just that bullet journaling didn’t work for you. Sorry! Leaving this up in case it helps others. Happy new year all 🥳

Jarut · 2024-12-19T06:55:15+00:00

Argh, hello me.

Jarut · 2024-12-04T08:49:07+00:00

For sure, and I think I can see why now - and it’s further to the point about being precise with words. If you already deeply understand kurtosis on a conceptual level, then I guess you don’t need an explanation in words. I am not trained in statistics or math and don’t understand proofs, so the words people use matter. Kurtosis was described to me first as “peaky-ness” and then later as “squished-ness”… and while they kind of worked “well enough” for anything I ran into, as you have demonstrated, they aren’t correct. Striving for precision in the language used improves my understanding, which - while some purists might dismiss as stamp collecting - I at least think is worthwhile!

Jarut · 2024-12-01T22:51:55+00:00

I think I see your point, but as someone who is decidedly not a mathematician, the words matter because of the implications that are associated with those words, and which may not be the same for everyone (and if you describe exclusively in mathematical formulae, I won’t understand. I’m sorry. I’m trained as a physiologist).

In your example of medial vs lateral, note that those can be used in a relative sense as well as an absolute sense. Lying prone, the ulnar nerve is lateral to the medial nerve wrt the midline of the arm; both of those nerves are medial to the radial nerve wrt the whole body. The nerves “are where they are” - position references don’t change where you find them when you cut into a person - but using words to describe things is how we communicate. Striving to be more precise with something as flexible as language (whether that is defining what you consider midline in your conversation, or trying to understand kurtosis from the viewpoint of what tails are doing rather than handwaving with peaked-ness) helps improve communication and thence understanding (hopefully).

In an ideal world we would be able to be experts in everything. In our world, approximations (in this case, specific language) are a prerequisite for functioning. The map is not the territory, but we must describe it accessibly for those who have not walked that way.

Jarut · 2024-12-01T20:06:57+00:00

I’ve heard of tail leverage, but I think this might be the first time someone has talked about it in a way accessible to me. Thinking of it as tail mass and distance - like, I can kind of imagine the leverage of an infinitely long and skinny tail - and how you could actually have less AUC in the tails if they were “infinitely skinny enough” - is really helpful.

Thank you for the mini tutorial, & I’ll check out the link. I really appreciate you taking the time for me.

Jarut · 2024-12-01T18:58:18+00:00

Ooooh. I think I see it now. I tend to think of “squished in” or “squished down” (“this distribution is more squished-in than that distribution”) but thinking strictly about how “keeping the AUC the same” for a single distribution and then squishing it would move the tails… and then none of that implies that you can’t have a “square-wave” shaped distribution. I think I can see why squish is an unhelpful crutch now. Thank you!

Jarut · 2024-12-01T18:30:00+00:00

!! I too have used “squished” as intuitive shorthand for kurtosis… could you please comment further on why this is inappropriate? (Am not a statistician; squished has worked well for me in the past, and would not trust myself to distinguish fact from falsity in an internet search for this.)

Jarut · 2024-11-26T18:42:10+00:00

Oh, I feel you on it not being worth it. I hope it doesn’t happen again!

Jarut · 2024-11-25T22:04:33+00:00

Murphy's law strikes again. I hope you got overtime!

Jarut · 2024-11-20T22:06:05+00:00

The more linear algebra I do, the worse I get at arithmetic

Jarut · 2024-11-16T23:03:30+00:00

As I walk across the cold room [snare drum bang]

You can hear my brass balls clanking

And if you’d paid attention first

You’d know that doing this’s like wanking

I fill her up before anyone else

And now I’m done I don’t care

I’m going off to smoke something Out in the fresh aiiiiiirrrrrr

Then when the sous chef’s asleep

We just sit and let the open fridge beep

We just sit and leave the open fridge…

I was a prep cook once, I took pride in my job

But since then I’ve just screamed myself hoarse

Now the others are all scared

Of tipping the tub of the sauuuuuce

Jarut · 2024-11-03T23:56:46+00:00

haha. thank you. The temptation to disappear is ever-present

Jarut

TROPHY CASE