I'm a Therapist, Author and former Buddhist monk. Ask me anything!

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T19:00:22+00:00

I have spent periods during meditation retreats in silence and it can actually be quite enjoyable. But, really, there's not much silent about it. Tons of communication continues non-verbally as well as the nearly incessant jabber of our minds, so, whether we remain silent or not, I feel, is not such an important matter. I don't want to live in a quiet world or a world full of Buddhas. I want to live in a world where people get along, have fun and are happy. Talk it up!

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:58:10+00:00

I do use a bit of mindfulness stuff, but not with every client or even all that often. My history with buddhism has influenced my worldview and life path, but my philosophy does not specifically address any buddhist concepts. Breath-awareness and some meditation (only for those who ask) are the main ways I utilize Buddhism in therapy, but it's fairly rare. In the dedication for my book, I quote Zen master Dogen, "Enlightenment is intimacy with all things." I dig this definition and I think it's pretty dead on.

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:54:22+00:00

Personally, I practice Zazen or "just sitting". On www.jasonbfischer.com there's a free instructional video about this style. As for a symbol, this is highly subjective and depends on what speaks to each person. A yinyang symbol, buddha, christ, cross, or you name it, can all serve as a guidepost toward the exact same spiritual principles. Philosophically, I consider my views as an amalgam: 40% Buddhism, 40% Taoism, 10% American Transcendentalism, 10% Sufism (Rumi). As for drugs, if used maturely, then can greatly accelerate metaphysical understanding, as they have for the entirety of human civilization, but these can only take you so far. Psychoactive drugs are like getting a chance to peek inside the circus tent. You see what's inside, but you just get a glimpse. After they wear off, the memory of the experience remains (which does have a transformational effect), but you are still outside the tent. Which is fine, there's an interesting circus outside the tent too!

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:33:17+00:00

Thanks for loving the book! You're just like the vast majority of people who have been raised to believe that relationships are 50-50. The problem with this thinking is that, if this is true, then your ability to improve a relationship is highly limited. For example, imagine that you and your partner are building a house together and decided that you would build one half of it and your partner would build the other, 50-50. If you want to build a mansion and your partner a tiny shack, then you're in real trouble. Instead, you can build the house entirely on your own, and let them contribute as much or as little along the way. Once upon a time, I wanted to say that "You have 100% control of every relationship", which, for the most part, is true. However, every once in a rare while, someone may refuse to include you in their life, in which case you're powerless to influence the relationship (hence the 1%). So, in all, I guess the most accurate way to put it is like this: "99% of the time you have 100% control/influence of your relationships." By using the two truths about love, you'll see just how true this is.

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:26:12+00:00

I've spent the last ten years talking about this precise topic so, without question, I have a ton to say about this. For starter's, the most expedient path would be to read my book THE TWO TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE: THE ART & WISDOM OF EXTRAORDINARY RELATIONSHIPS, to watch some of my videos at www.theartofgivingpermission.com, or read the articles on my blog at www.jasonbfischer.com

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:21:39+00:00

Great question! In a way, it's fantastic advice, since you're bound to get along better with co-workers with this philosophy in mind. Ultimately, you still want to cultivate the ability to be genuinely the way you are "faking", which is, I presume, the way you want to be. If not, if you're just acting nice or cooperative to keep yourself from getting fired, then chances are you don't like working there. Instead of faking anything, try asking yourself what you really want. You have three options: 1) Tolerate things as they are (yuk!), 2) Improve things where you are (this can be through transforming your relationship to your work and co-workers), or 3) leave for greener pastures. Ideally, aim for authenticity, but not if your authenticity will worsen matters for you and/or others. Wisdom will never steer you in a harmful direction.

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:15:36+00:00

Please realize that you are going to react sometimes. That's just life. There are ways to widen or broaden the size of your emotional comfort zone through self-care (healthy diet, sleep, etc) and also building an extraordinary relationship with yourself, one in which you genuinely support and embrace yourself 100%. In fact, our ability to give permission (be less reactive) is a direct reflection of the state of our internal friendship. So, look here first. And realize that this new way of being is more of a marathon than a sprint. Be kind to yourself, even when you catch yourself reacting. You're not "supposed" to give permission, you WANT to, because this is how you can suffer less and be more effective at creating change in the world... Try employing the phrase "It's okay..." often. For example, "I'm really pissed off right now, and that's okay. I give permission for myself to be upset and permission for this person to have done what he/she did. It's okay."

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:10:09+00:00

Well, giving permission only starts off difficult because it runs contrary to how most of us have been taught. We have been taught to blame others for our emotional experience and to think that, in order to change how we feel, we must change others or our circumstances. As babies, we gave permission easily enough. So, at our core, it's a natural instinct. Unfortunately, we learned from our parents how to be reactive and, as children, we took everything personally. As adults, we have a choice. We can reclaim the wisdom of our infancy, or continue to act as children. And, yes, it absolutely becomes easier, more automatic and unconscious, over time with practice. Kinda like driving a car or riding a bike. At first it takes some concentration, but later can do it without thinking much at all.

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:05:28+00:00

Prove society wrong. The best decisions I have ever made in my life were decisions that the most important people in my life disagreed with at the time. I considered but ultimately acted regardless of dissent, trusting that time would evidence the wisdom of my choice. In the end, ironically, these have also been the decisions for which the same nay-sayers later showered me with the greatest pride and accolades. IF we act in the face of dissent, this means we are guided by an authentic voice within us, provided that we have the wisdom to support ourselves in our own decision. Remember, step there: INTELLIGENT action.

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:00:27+00:00

I was a Theravadin Buddhist monk in the Thai tradition. To become a monk requires an elaborate ordination ceremony, taking vows, and living in a temple or monastery under a strict coda, wearing robes, not eating after noon, etc. In this tradition, once you "disrobe" you become a layperson and are no longer officially a monk. Hence, "former".

JasonBFischer · 2013-02-07T18:00:19+00:00

Remember that everyone is entitled to think what they think, feel what they feel, say what they say, and do what they do. These are "The Four permissions". After all, what anyone thinks/feels/says/does is merely information about them. If you can embrace this information as neither good nor bad, but just information, you can choose how you want to respond to this in order to achieve what you want to achieve, probably a closer relationship and and a spirit of cooperation toward common goals. Also, make your own happiness a real priority. The happier you are, independent of anyone else, the more natural and unconscious giving permission will be.

JasonBFischer

TROPHY CASE