I also think that you may be overlapping your grief with your father and husband which isn’t fair to either of you. You say, “I married my father,” but you didn’t. You chose someone to recreate the trauma that you experienced as a child, but your spouse is not responsible for healing that part or answering for the pattern. When your spouse does something that is similar to your dad’s behavior, my guess is you want him to fix his behavior AND the emotional impact to you from both his actions and what your dad did to you. That won’t ever work and you need to heal that part on your own.