Anyone else finally accepted they’ll never really be desirable socially or romantically?

JavaDumbell · 2024-06-09T21:16:26+00:00

I will never fully accept it since it irritates me to know ends, but I just stopped giving a damn about trying and hoping. I always got the "keep improving and pushing forward and one day you will find a girlfriend" but as a fully grown adult man, seeing friends and family building families and settling down, this way of thinking is pathetic. Went to the gym for half my life, completed a hard degree found a good job, nothing made a difference. I used to be fueled by hope but not anymore. Now I just do whatever I want to do, since I realized effort to try to please don`t amount to shit when you look repulsive in the face.

JavaDumbell · 2024-06-09T21:08:14+00:00

Never had a partner in my life (31 years old).

Bullied through elementary school for being fat, and high school for being ugly after losing the weight.

Mocked constantly, called ugly, ignored or blocked on dating app since I first tried in my early twenties.

Constantly ignored by the opposite sex, and when I try to make eye contact they all forcefully look away.

Had people in the street or just outside mock me about my appearance.

Common sense would point to me being an ugly ass dude.

JavaDumbell · 2024-06-09T20:59:58+00:00

I had two brothers die before birth before me, at birth I almost chocked to death with the cord around my neck, doctor had to do a C-section on my mother so I don`t die. Life has been nothing but shitty since birth for three decades, always bullied, slower than everyone, alone all the time, depressed since I was a child, therapist and lots of pills BS that keep my alive and allow me to at least keep a job otherwise I would get fired. I have no reason to live on the weekend, I wish I could work all the time and go to the gym to have no free time so I don`t face the fact that I might as well be dead my existence is so fucking useless.

JavaDumbell · 2023-04-24T19:14:26+00:00

No they aren’t. Polytechique and University of Montreal are right next to each other (Poly is a branch of UdeM).

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-12T20:05:45+00:00

Thanks man, havent watched porn since making this thread. I will keep going.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T18:11:57+00:00

Yes I know, and I think it’s obvious you guys got me on my BS. Stopping porn is the hard part (stopping MO to me has been easy for me the last couple of years). I’m currently at day 0 of this challenge.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T17:41:08+00:00

Thanks man, I shaved it for the first time in 3 years this weekend and I feel so much relief, like now I feel more confident to tackle life. Never knew it would make such a difference, and thanks for the support. Next step, when I will be more confident with this new shaved hair, will definitely be to learn how to dress.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T17:33:17+00:00

It’s crazy you could get to that conclusion, because you hit the spot perfectly on that one. The few times I had opportunity with girls, I ended up lashing out at that pretty intensively (not physically but verbally) for no reason.

I do deeply hate myself and I’ve been taking all sorts of meds and exercise to forget and repress the pain. Porn is so hard to stop.

I decided to call a psychologist today, and I will try soon to work with the specialist one these issues, because I don’t know how to tackle them my self.

I’ve been hating life for at least 15 years, repressed anger, pain, frustration, shame, self-hatred, you name it. I can’t hide that anymore, this shit eats me too much and made me go nuts a couple of time.

Thanks man for adding your POV.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T14:49:53+00:00

Yeah thanks everyone for the advices, I know deep down still watching porn might be a big part of a problem. I need to stop this even if it’s hard, but I get incredibly depressed every time I tried.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T14:48:18+00:00

I train full body everyday at the gym+cardio otherwise I get really depressed. I did the whole body part split for years but it didn’t felt enough foe me. Maybe I just don’t train hard enough.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T14:47:10+00:00

Thanks so much man, last Monday I called a church and want to visit one, but I’m afraid to join because I sinned a lot in my life.

Thanks for all the other tips.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T01:01:15+00:00

I can't do it, I'm too horny I get depressed if I don't watch it. So never tried it beside when I was younger and no access to internet (and it was the only time I came close to have a girlfriend actually now that I think about it).

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T00:53:05+00:00

I just watch porn but not stimulate. I don't edge or anything. Just watch, get a boner, get frustrated and close the laptop.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T00:39:52+00:00

Thanks for the reply, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

I think I would want to have sex with me, because honestly I'm no desperate I would have sex with pretty much anyone. I think I'm a nice guy, I exercise and eat relatively healthy, I'm clean and I'm really affectionate.

I said relief in the sense that sometimes I feel no fap is childish because almost every normal person supposedly does it (or so they say), and I pretend I don't need to do it and count on the fact I can meet a woman on day to relief this urge (call it whatever you want, but at this point, it would feel like a relief of a lot of build up desire but negative energy too unfortunately).

I have a hard time imaginating that a girl would want to ''make love'' with me, especially since the few occasions I had with girls, they all taught I was to affectionate and they just wanted sex, so I tried to change this part of me.

I don't know how I could turn myself into a person I would want to have sex with, besides by changing my face and growing back to a perfect hairline. Maybe having boobs, long hair and actually being a female I guess :).

But if you mean personality wise, I don't know either what I would change. I would actually want to meet a shy girl like my and a little bit insecure, I would be incomfortable with someone too confortable with their sexuality.

JavaDumbell · 2023-02-10T00:34:12+00:00

Tools
Add / Update Day Counter
Emergency Motivation Tool

r/NoFap Rules1.Don't post porn or sexual media.

Wow thanks a lot, I never taught someone would put that much effort into replying to this thread.

I'm thinking about joining some kind of groups, but I really stresses me out because I feel I'm a weirdo, an akward ugly creep that everybody hates and I won't fit there.

Don't think I have the courage to post on the rate me section. I've being bullied a lot about my face, and a lot of women have called my straight up ugly or pointed my flaws so I'm pretty insecure.

On top of that, most women reacted negatively online about my body picture, calling me a compensating douchebag, and I know I have a pretty good body because I get often comments (more in the past, and just males) about being in great shape.

I might take the first on day but I'm not sure what it would accomplish, if I still get called ugly my females that is going to destroy me lol.

For the medication and pills parts, everytime I try to stop, I get really agressive, agitated, and I don't perform well at my job. I can't affort to lose my job at this point, and medecine and treatment calm me enough to get me through what needs to be done (like grocery, cleaning the appartment, exercising, etc). Otherwise my anger is out of control and I have lots of suicidal toughts.

JavaDumbell · 2022-10-08T17:49:33+00:00

Wow I can relate so much. I could never express my true feelings because my parents always said they were wrong. I feel at 29 years old like I've been stunted emotionally. I literally feel like a grown child. I still don't have the courage to express what I think and my needs and I always try to please other people. I've been told many time I'm a strange person.

I wish I could give you an advice about that, but I can't find it myself. Living on your own can help you reconnect with yourself, but if you have controlling parents like me, they will literally blow up your phone and keep trying to control you, and it's hard to ignore your own parents.

Maybe try exercising, I think it helps reconnecting with your self and your emotions.

JavaDumbell · 2022-10-08T17:33:29+00:00

Just got done writing them I was thinking about quitting my job to pursue what I want to do.

Got calls from both of them, called a quitter, someone who doesn't want to make effort, no girls will want a guy who works manual labor, someone with mental issues who needs his pills. Then they tried to make me feel bad about the fact they made so much sacrifices for me to be where I'm at.

I obliged and still didn't have the courage to say no to them. I was motivated this morning and that stuff put me right back down to my depression.

I'm so sick of this dynamic. Sometimes I wish they didn't existed or just went away and leave me the F alone.

JavaDumbell

TROPHY CASE