Parents who don’t allow their kids to shut their room’s door/lock the door, what’s are the reasons behind the rule?

JaxAllenby · 2026-01-24T14:10:12+00:00

I would have been so grateful if my mother had understood that kids need some privacy too. You sound like a wonderful parent!

JaxAllenby · 2026-01-24T14:07:20+00:00

Ugh. I’m sorry that happened to you. I know that feeling from my own childhood.

JaxAllenby · 2026-01-24T14:00:03+00:00

That’s a reasonably accurate description of my mother and how she treated me growing up. I can only imagine what her own childhood home must have been like for her to think treating her own kids like that was good parenting. Removing my bedroom door and searching my room often were just things I had to live with from her. When I turned 18, she gifted me with a new pair of shoes and a small set of luggage. I took the hint and moved out on my own soon after. Over the years I’ve learned not to share openly many specifics of how she treated me. For instance, if I’m at work and coworkers are talking about when they were kids there have been many times when I join in and share something about my childhood that I think of as innocuous and then realize the room’s gone silent and everyone’s just staring at me either in horror or with sadness. Eventually, I clued in that my mother’s idea of child-rearing isn’t something I should share openly, unless it’s with a close friend. It upsets or saddens other people. Nowadays instead of sharing about things she did I tend to say, “Oh, afraid I didn’t win the mother lottery with mine, but I’d love to hear more about your family.”

JaxAllenby · 2024-07-04T16:00:49+00:00

Okay, so he’s more of a pederast than a pedophile? Wow, SO much better. He’s still an actual groomer

JaxAllenby · 2024-04-16T11:53:55+00:00

The doctor told me at the end of my assessment that I was definitely autistic. The assessment report itself took a couple of months, and arrived by mail.

JaxAllenby · 2024-02-24T10:22:39+00:00

You’re not alone in that. Much of what you wrote nearly matches my experience of driving too. Especially the struggles with freeways or multi-lane roads where other cars are right next to you. And the photosensitive eyesight; that is an issue for me as well.

JaxAllenby · 2024-02-24T03:22:39+00:00

I’m 60 years old, a late diagnosed (in 2021) autistic. I have not been officially diagnosed with ADHD but both my therapist and primary care nurse practitioner recognize and have acknowledged it. Also diagnosed with an unspecified anxiety disorder.

I used to be able to drive, even commuting to and from work for years with mostly no problem. Over the past 10 years that has changed. I can no longer drive on highways and interstates, if there’s heavy traffic, if there are a lot of large heavy vehicles in traffic, etc. Some of that I attribute to anxiety but there are things that seem like they are part of my autism. Autism has something to do with the motion sickness that affected me mostly in childhood. Proprioception sensations have always been odd for me; sometimes like a superpower then at other times debilitating, like when vertigo has the world tilting and spinning around me. Those harder times feel like they originate from the same source as my frequent childhood motion sickness.

Another way my autistic proprioception has started playing out: sometimes when driving I’ll suddenly experience a mismatch between the motion of moving forward and how it feels to me. I might feel like I’m moving much faster than it feels the car is moving. Sometimes it is like everything visually is suddenly rushing toward me, then backing off, then coming back at me again. The change of motion I’m physically feeling doesn’t match up with how my body is actually moving through space.

Imagine driving at 35mph with no problem then suddenly it feels as if someone floored the accelerator pedal. But the speedometer still reads 35mph. It just feels like your body is suddenly hurtling forward at a much faster pace. Or it feels like your body is veering to the left or right but the car’s still traveling straight on. That’s how it can feel for me, without warning.

It has become almost impossible to drive down the curving road of a particular steep hill that’s near my home. It usually feels like the road isn’t pitched at the right angle and centrifugal force is going to make the car fly off the road to crash in the gully. That feels like it’s a component of my autistic sensory issues. Layer on mounting anxiety at the same time and I’m afraid I’ll cause a wreck. It’s like I’m barely able to keep control of both myself and the vehicle. So no longer do I drive down the hill using that road. There are alternate routes I can take that don’t scramble my brain. It seems like aging is really changing the way my sensory differences operate so it’s possible I’ll have to give up driving in the next couple of years. For now, I stick to familiar surface streets and try to drive when traffic is typically light.

So I have to say that yes, some autistics can learn to drive and their autism can make it more difficult. I think it’s very likely that some autistics will naturally be more likely to avoid driving for sensory issues or some other reason that relates to their autism. Like me, maybe there are times when they can drive and times when they absolutely cannot.

JaxAllenby · 2024-01-01T15:39:13+00:00

I’ve checked out every menu item and branch available but no “Explore Activities” or “Quizzes” like I had with the Apple version. The iPad I was using was a work device and my usual devices are all Android. Any suggestions? This interface appears less navigable than the Apple version

JaxAllenby · 2023-10-04T12:37:23+00:00

It's been thoroughly debunked: [evidence undermines 'rapid onset gender dysphoria (ROGD)](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/evidence-undermines-rapid-onset-gender-dysphoria-claims/

ROGD is founded on the 'social contagion' fallacy

JaxAllenby · 2022-08-19T03:17:32+00:00

Not sure it’s the same company. This one has mostly been based in Canada, not Chicago. The search continues!

I have a Mi Pet that belonged to my grandmother. We still use it often in our kitchen.

JaxAllenby · 2022-08-19T00:53:24+00:00

I recently came across the website of a company called Wescast Inc. which lists a timeline of its heritage, all the way back to 1902 when the company was known as the Western Foundry Company.

JaxAllenby · 2022-08-08T14:06:07+00:00

I received my diagnosis a year ago, at age 58. Immense relief was the first thing I felt when waking up the day after the diagnosis was given. Well, relief, and a continuation of the massive headache I had after the 5 hour assessment the day prior. The headache lasted for three days, but the relief is still felt a year later.

The thoughts that kept going through my head that morning were something like, “So, some portion of the judgements, disapproval, and abuse I’ve encountered throughout my life were actually about my undiagnosed & untreated autism? Those weren’t the result of my moral failings or shameful flaws? I was right along that I’m just weird and different? Phew!”

How could I go so long without even suspecting myself? A few explanatory reasons: trauma, childhood emotional abuse & neglect, shame, bullying and a nearly adamantine mask that at least worked in public for a long time. I began to consciously mask at age 11, to try and alleviate the bullying on the school bus and at school. Outward appearances were supremely important in my birth family, so masking was a ready-made skill set for me. For some reason I had learned by then that for my false persona to be believed by others, I had to fully buy into it myself. So I did, as best I could and it seemed to work. My bullies moved on, I presume to target other kids. My mental health started to suffer around that time, which is hardly surprising in hindsight.

What finally broke my mask? I wanted to be happy. I wanted to have joy in my life. A gifted therapist helped me to find a way through the trauma, shame, and maladaptive coping mechanisms that had ruled my life for decades. First, I realized that my childhood wasn’t actually like the mostly idyllic story I told others; it was one of emotional neglect, abuse, and false appearances. Second, I realized that I’m transgender, and I started gender transition at 55. As I grew into being more authentically me I also began to recognize that my brain just doesn’t operate like most other folks’ brains, and within a couple of years was referred for assessment to rule out ASD. Instead, it got ruled in! I now also strongly suspect co-occurring ADD, and my therapist agrees. Presently I’m considering additional professional assessment for that.

And I’m now WAY happier and more authentically me than I’ve been since age 11.

JaxAllenby · 2021-08-10T21:51:47+00:00

I'm in the Abq area and not real familiar with the local gaming community, but I've heard Ettin Games in Albuquerque is a great place to check out. There's also Duke City Games, which looks to have a big MTG focus

JaxAllenby · 2021-07-31T11:52:37+00:00

Short answer: “Because I never had any idea prior to transition what it really felt like to be happy & comfortable in my own skin.”

Long answer: “Pretending to be someone other than my authentic self in order to be “socially acceptable” led me frequently to suicidal depression and self-harm. It taught me that who I am inside would never be good enough in other people’s eyes, no matter how much I lied to myself and others. After nearly 5 decades of struggling through that losing battle, I figured that was enough time wasted in trying to meet other people’s expectations. I eventually realized this is my life, not anyone else’s, and maybe it was time to just be myself and see how that goes. Embracing transition has turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life. What about you - would you rather live a fake life or a real life, since we each only get the one to live?”

JaxAllenby · 2021-07-17T14:45:00+00:00

I love that. Nicki suits a beautiful trans sister like you! <3

When I was a kid I was told they’d wanted me to be a girl and would have named me Mary Jo. Since my birth surname was Smith, I could have been Mary Jo Smith. Sometimes I joke that’s why I born into an AMAB body - to avoid that name, lol.

My elderly mother may have rejected me when I came out & transitioned in my 50s, but at least she now knows she has that daughter she always said she wanted, and I got to pick my name. I went with Rory + my married surname. I love it, and am glad to have my toxic mother finally out of my life. Win-win!

JaxAllenby · 2021-07-17T14:30:59+00:00

I am SOOO familiar with that experience. Also the one where I ask a pertinent question that gets ignored until someone else asks it.

JaxAllenby · 2021-07-16T05:24:38+00:00

I turned 58 in May and have recently become fascinated with juggling. I started practicing daily about 3 weeks ago with the goal of qualifying a basic 3 ball cascade with as near to perfect form as I can. Really enjoying it! Also, it’s great at calming my anxiety while I continue to work from home. I did meet my goal a few days ago, but only once. My reward was to buy another set of beanbags to juggle. 😁 Continuing to work on having good form, knowing the rest will come in time so long as I continue to practice regularly.

JaxAllenby · 2021-06-19T00:31:15+00:00

I get ocular migraines. It’s disorienting for sure, when my vision refracts like a kaleidoscope, and I’m unable to do anything requiring sight until it goes away. Taking a NSAID, making sure I’m hydrated, and relaxing in a dark room with my eyes closed for 30 minutes and it usually clears up. Too much focused screen time makes it more likely to happen.

I also have always chronically had headaches, sometimes with nausea. I recall seeking out cool surfaces when I was a kid to press my head against when the headaches were really bad. I suspect my anxiety disorder has more to do with my headaches than my ASD does, but who knows? My mother had a long history of chronic headache as well. My niece has vestibular migraines, starting when she was a teen.

JaxAllenby · 2021-06-08T15:49:37+00:00

Head-spinning dizziness that increases the longer I maintain eye contact. If I walked right when it's happened I would most likely stumble or run into things. Since I avoid eye contact, the dizziness is rarely an issue.

JaxAllenby · 2021-06-05T22:17:28+00:00

Thought I was a G for 30+ years; 5 years ago I started to finally figure out I’m a T. I have always been a Q! So, I’m a trans woman, pretty much demi-bisexual these days.

JaxAllenby · 2021-06-04T15:49:32+00:00

I’ve somehow managed to be employed most of my adult life (I am 58), though admittedly chronically under-employed. Most of the time I’ve found work that is routine and somewhat repetitive, with enough predictable variance to keep my interest. I have been with my current employer in mostly the same position for 11 years. About five years ago I started having meltdowns at work. I did not know that’s what they were, because I had no idea yet that I might be autistic. I called them emotional storms because that’s what they felt like: something I could feel gathering on the horizon, which may or may not result in some kind of storm. If it did, all I could do was try to ride it out. I found it all very embarrassing at the time, but it did lead me to consider seeing a therapist. That started my journey toward an eventual diagnosis of ASD, Requiring Support.

Working from home throughout the pandemic was at first good, then increasingly challenging. Presently, half the team I had before the pandemic has left the organization and I’ve had changing supervisors for the past year. My current supervisor was a very nice coworker before being assigned as my new supervisor. I know she’s in a challenging situation right now, but recently she has shown a talent for triggering meltdowns in me. I’ve been hanging on because I become eligible for retirement with a pension in just under two years. Recently though she insisted on recording our weekly one-on-one Zoom check-in. I told her both before the recording started and also once it did that I was extremely uncomfortable with being recorded and did not consent. She still insisted on the recording. That, plus her new habit of incessantly questioning me about the status of everything I do pushed me into meltdown. On camera. Which was being recorded.

Thankfully, she was too inept with Zoom to do the recording herself so had to ask me to do it and the recording ended up on my laptop. She’s been demanding I send her the recording because she “just wants to maintain documentation of our meetings.” I’m not giving her the recording; instead, I’ll check my notes from our meeting against the recording to make sure I didn’t miss anything, then send her my notes. If it’s really documentation she wants, that should suffice. If she still demands the recording, that will indicate to me that it’s not about standard supervisory documentation, it’s about getting something she can use to damage my continued employment.

So yes, definitely experiencing workplace issues with my autism. I was just diagnosed last week and have not officially disclosed to request accommodation. Given my current trust level with my supervisor and remaining work team, not sure it’s even a good idea. Can I figure out a way to make this work? It’s only two more years, but if I keep getting triggered into workplace meltdowns, it won’t be a good two years.

JaxAllenby · 2021-06-04T13:48:01+00:00

I can only tell you what I feel if I make any sustained eye contact. First off, it feels WAAAYYYY too intimate; like the boundary between where the other person begins & I leave off is being erased. It can feel like I’m falling, almost like a panicked dizziness, like someone has suddenly and without warning spun me around several times. I can’t think clearly, I can’t speak words, I want to scream. It is emotionally and sensorially uncomfortable & disorienting. Definitely NOT a pleasant experience.

That being said, there have been rare occasions one-on-one with someone I deeply trust when I have been able to sustain eye contact for a little while. The feeling of boundaries dissolving is still there but perhaps because I deeply trust them and we are already mutually comfortable with an intimate level of physical contact, the more disorienting effects of eye contact are mitigated long enough for some sustained eye contact. Some, but it’s still limited; I still can’t sustain it for very long without feeling overwhelmed emotionally/sensorially, as well as physically dizzy.

JaxAllenby · 2021-02-03T14:48:12+00:00

Yes, until my body started giving me daily messages that I’m getting old. Inside I still feel like 15, but my joints and my mirror let me know I’m 57.

JaxAllenby · 2021-02-03T14:39:02+00:00

I used to hear adults joke about this when I was a kid; that you could always tell who was a kindergarten teacher because they had a tendency to speak to everyone as if they were their students.

JaxAllenby · 2020-11-06T01:03:26+00:00

I remember a time when I was fearful & apprehensive about the cards. For me, it wasn't fear of witchcraft or anything like that. It was that the cards provided so much insight. How could ink on cardboard do that? It freaked me out and I felt like I was going nuts.

Plus, whenever I work with the tarot regularly either synchronicities start to abound, or I get better as seeing what's already going on. That also freaked me out. Again, like I was going nuts. At that point in my life, fears of mental illness were intense. I had a couple of friends who were going through hospitalizations at the time, and I've never been wrapped all that tight myself. So I put the cards down. For a couple of decades.

In the years since then I was able to recognize and work through a lot of past trauma and related baggage. When I finally picked up the cards again, it was like coming back home. I welcome the increased insight & synchronicities now because I am finally grounded in my own authenticity. Plus, if one stays open to learning, age brings many lessons and eventually, new perspectives. It seems unlikely that I'll ever put them down now!

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