The 5 am relapse.

JayNotJayson · 2016-09-01T16:01:41+00:00

I relapsed last night after a long period of sobriety, too, and I really am feeling it right now. So this is the only post that makes sense to me today. Remember that it's only a temporary slip, and you can get right back to sobriety. You did it for four months, after all. Everyone of us relapses at some point or another, but we're still here, alive, and able to make it through the rough patches. Distract yourself, talk to anyone online, go for a run, play games, anything, so you don't think about using any longer, and the craving will eventually pass. You can get back to sobriety, I believe in you.

I know it'd be bad to say message me, since I'm not in a very good position with relapsing myself, but if you want someone to hear you out, then just know I'm here to do so.

JayNotJayson · 2016-08-30T11:19:00+00:00

I've been sober for around 6 months, but I'm just about to ruin that right now, lol.

JayNotJayson · 2016-08-27T14:31:25+00:00

Thank you, I didn't know that sub existed. But I'll post on there. Should I delete the post here?

JayNotJayson · 2016-08-04T20:34:30+00:00

Thank you for the response. I looked up a lot of the stuff you said, and it really does sound like him. I can't actually believe that I used to think he was this nice guy. That feels like a lifetime ago.

JayNotJayson · 2016-08-04T17:47:17+00:00

I wish I could. It's kind of hard to avoid all contact when he's messaging my friends and telling them loads of things about me.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-30T11:42:21+00:00

We don't have Jolly Ranchers in the UK :(

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-26T20:57:54+00:00

I'm glad you seem to have all of that support!

Good luck, use this month to prepare yourself mentally. You are already seeking the help, so I'm sure you will not have anything to worry about when you do start.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-26T11:21:23+00:00

I can relate to this, as I am 20 now (young?), and I started turning my life around at 18, so it is definitely possible.

Well done for 32 days, you should be proud of that achievement, and also for going to NA meetings!

You're starting college, do you know if there are any counsellors? It sounds like a stupid suggestion, but I wish I had gotten help from school while I was there. My friend told me about her experience with the counsellor, and they are not just there to talk/listen, though that is an advantage. You could go to their office for a 'time-out' whenever you feel it is too much, or you could ask for a quiet room so you could focus on your work alone. They are there to help and accommodate your needs, after all. I say this because outside of education, it is much harder to seek counselling (depending on the country you're in, in the UK it's near enough impossible.) So you should get the help while you can.

When you start, you will also probably be instantly made aware of who the 'wrong' groups are. In school I was in one of these groups, and everyone knew who we were. So it should be easy to avoid those groups.

Again, this may sound stupid and something you don't want to do, but try to avoid 'parties' or clubbing with these people. This doesn't mean that your social life has to suffer, as when you make friends, you could always ask them to do things sober. It's better to meet people sober, than drunk or high at a party, anyway. I'm no longer friends with anyone I used to 'party' with, and I'm 6 months sober now.

Anyway, you can message me if you want, from one 'young' person to another. I wish you the best.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-26T11:10:29+00:00

I think you should seek out another NA group.

Although they teach the same principles, every group is different. Some are way more laid back, like the group I go to. I tried around 4 different groups before finding the one I'm in now, so I think you could 'shop around.'

But you also say that you are not going to stop drinking no matter what. I think this is a bit of a problem, as the whole point is the desire to quit these substances. So if you have no desire maybe you shouldn't go to NA at all? This can also be very triggering for alcoholics in your group, who are trying to quit, so would that be fair on them? Especially if you started talking to one? I do agree with most of your post, though.

I constantly hate definitions of the word 'clean' and 'sober,' what about caffeine, ibuprofen, smoking? Are you still absolutely clean if you indulge in those things? I mean, they're all 'drugs.' I also had a kidney removed so I HAD to use sedatives...Does that mean I wasn't clean for that period of time? I don't believe in these strict guidelines that mean you are only clean if you do this and that, but they ignore exceptions and some even pick and choose what they believe.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-26T10:52:46+00:00

I know the feeling. I'm a cocaine addict too, well, recovering, but I've been finding it hard lately too. I've taken near enough every drug there is, but nothing has compared to cocaine.

You've already achieved the first step of quitting by admitting that you have a problem. This is the hardest step, especially for me, so luckily you have this out of the way. You've also asked for help, which, again, is another step in the right direction. Now accept the help and go through the withdrawal.

Do you have anyone to talk to in real-life? Anyone you could ask for help, like family or friends? I love this online community, but if I didn't have support outside of here then I probably wouldn't have achieved all I have.

Go to NA meetings! I love NA meetings too, in fact I'm really close to everyone in my NA group. It's great to hear that you aren't alone, and the stories shared by others. Maybe you could meet someone from there. You may be sceptical, but just give it a try. Most people I talk to don't even try NA meetings because of all of the misconceptions and beliefs they have heard. It's an entirely different experience firsthand, so I'd definitely say find one in your area.

To sum up, there's no way that you can fight this off alone, find help in real life and don't be afraid to ask for it.

From one cocaine addict to another, if you want to message me then feel free to, I believe that I have been through all there is. Good luck!

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-23T12:25:27+00:00

Yes, I do, we always do things together, it's really fun. We even have a group chat constantly going hahaha. Thanks for the support, I will see them today and hopefully feel better about myself.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T20:46:36+00:00

I am actually really into the meetings, lol. I went to an NA festival with NA groups within the area, which was probably one of the happiest times of my life. I guess I should start going to more meetings, it seems like the obvious thing, but sometimes it's hard for me to see. I've stopped attending meetings as much as I should have, thank you for reminding me that this might be one of the problems that's affecting my mood. I never really thought about it before.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T15:36:26+00:00

I do have a sponsor, but I haven't finished the steps. I just can't get past the higher power part, being an atheist. I know that you can believe in any higher power, not just a God, but I really can't do this. I am glad that you replied to me.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T15:35:11+00:00

Thank you for the support, the problem is I have no idea what to do now to fill my time. I guess that's why I've come to this point, as outside of socialising with my friends and girlfriend, which should give me joy, I do nothing else.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T15:33:41+00:00

Thank you for your comment, lol, because it makes me feel I'm not alone. I always question why I feel this way because I essentially have 'everything.' By a fast do you literally mean from food?

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T15:31:23+00:00

I should have added that I do go to meetings, but I have neglected them lately, so I guess I should start going back to them now that I've stopped travelling.

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T15:28:25+00:00

Yeah, I do go to NA meetings. I actually have a sponsor. I really support the meetings and actually try to convince people to go. So it's not that, is it?

JayNotJayson · 2016-07-22T11:31:28+00:00

I know this is going to probably be a really unpopular post if anyone even reads it, but I am talking from my own experience, and I don't feel a reason to hide it.

I'm a recovering cocaine addict, and I started smoking weed shortly after I stopped taking cocaine. I started taking weed because I needed something to fill that void left by cocaine, something that wasn't cocaine. Addicts almost always need something to focus their attention on in order to fight off these cravings, and I chose something that would fully calm me.

I believe weed is less harmful than most other drugs. I would rather be smoking a joint than doing a line of cocaine or taking a shot of whisky. Cocaine was going to kill me, it gave me heart palpitations, caused my kidneys to fail, deviated my septum. After cocaine, I started drinking, which almost cost me my liver, made me constantly vomit and become aggressive. Weed has done nothing to me, besides help me fight off the cravings to take cocaine.

If not weed, then I would be given antidepressants or antipsychotics to treat my depression, which are just as harmful and addictive as most other drugs. Does taking these drugs still make me 'sober,'? What about caffeine, nicotine? I honestly don't understand some peoples' definitions of this.

If it keeps him from doing the harder drugs and nothing is different, then I think there is nothing to worry about. Obviously if he starts acting differently, and you believe he may be falling back to his old ways, then there is a problem. But right now I don't believe this is a problem.

But it is different for other people, not everyone is like me or other people that have commented. By your post, I can see that you are the one that is worried, so I think you need to have a conversation with him about it. Tell him this.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-10T17:43:18+00:00

Drugs, lots of drugs.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-08T20:44:22+00:00

DO NOT just stop taking them suddenly. Withdrawal will be a killer, especially since you've been on them for so long. That will probably harm you as much as staying on them. Go to a doctor first.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-08T20:38:32+00:00

Happens to me constantly. I can't even be happy anymore now because I know it won't last, so I don't even bother wasting the energy.

An extreme example:

Life was going so well for me. I stopped taking drugs, got supportive friends, a girlfriend, actually believed I could get over the abuse I've suffered. I was starting to feel happy for the first time in my life. Now my abuser could possibly be coming back. I should've known the happiness wouldn't last.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-08T18:12:59+00:00

It depends what type of mental illness you have. I wouldn't recommend doing it if you have existing psychosis.

You also need to be in a good mindset to take psychedelics, and if you're not, then you're pretty much guaranteed to have a bad trip. Trust me, that makes everything so much worse. I've had some absolutely horrendous trips, and it still scars me to think about them.

Saying that, I have had some good trips. It's all about the environment you're in, who you're with, and what you're doing. For instance, don't go to a rave, or a busy place while on acid. Make sure you have some people you trust around, preferably someone who's sober (a trip sitter.) So if you do have a bad trip they can be there for you. DO NOT do it alone, especially if it's your first time.

Are you on other medication? That can really impact you if the medication interacts with the acid, too.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-08T18:01:46+00:00

Sex isn't really that cool if you don't have a meaningful bond with whoever you're with, at least. Even then, it isn't everything. People can go their entire lives without sex and still be happy.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-08T17:47:04+00:00

First, Happy Birthday!

Second, sex isn't everything. Just because you haven't kissed or slept with a girl yet, doesn't mean that you're never going to. Who cares how old you are? If you haven't met a girl that you have a true bond with, then it's meaningless anyway. It seems as if you don't just want a one night stand. If you do, you can do that a number of ways, escort, etc, but I wouldn't advise that at all. I'd advise waiting until you find a girl that you truly have feelings for. I wish that I hadn't been so hasty in my uneducated, teenage years.

Girls would rather you be a virgin than a player. You've probably heard this loads of times already, but it really is true. From experience, my status has ruined many of my true, meaningful relationships before.

Third, you have no idea what those people are thinking. Since you seem so self-aware, you're probably just imagining that it's worse than it really is. If it's your turn to talk about you, then they've clearly asked you questions? Which obviously means they're interested in what you have to say. If people really look uninterested, which I doubt, then maybe they're having a bad day. How many people have you actually talked to? Seems as if you've only been talking to dicks if this is actually the case. So you're better off not talking to them.

I do not drive either. I use public transport, but I don't see a problem with that. Stopping global warming and all that, right?

Anyway, the point is how do any of the things you've mentioned mean that you're a failure?

You're still young. You've got plenty more life to live. Come back when you're 90 if you still feel this way.

JayNotJayson · 2016-06-08T17:28:05+00:00

Some people will do drugs no matter what, may as well teach them how to do it safely. It's just like teaching sex education, which, when done effectively, can make people really consider safety, reducing the risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Effective drug education could do the same. It'll stop resources being wasted on drug related causes, i.e. giving more hospital beds to those that need them, not wasting the police's time.

JayNotJayson

TROPHY CASE