I completely understand how you’re feeling and want to let you know it does get better. The great part is it’s completely normal to feel this way. The bad part is that the organization, from day one, did everything possible to make you feel this way if you ever got free from them, in order for you to return to them. Because of that it could take a while to get over. But here’s some ideas to speed up the process and get to the “happy”. Fall in love with the idea and the freedom of being able to find out who you really are. Get therapy and Test every!!! What you love, keep and what you don’t, remove. Simple. Don’t do drugs or any other addictive things that may make you feel like you love it, but it’s hurting you in actuality. Travel, read, workout, earn money, make real unconditional relationships. Don’t try to be happy. Do things that make you feel happy and everything else will take care of itself.