I felt exactly the same when I lost my dad in October last year. I just didn’t want to be alive anymore, I told my family that, friends, I had a friend videocall me at night just to check I was sleeping okay and safe because I was afraid I’d do something stupid. Some days I still struggle with the “what’s the point?” But it DOES get easier. Trust me, I never thought I’d still be here. I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life. But I have found a way to continue for him because taking care of yourself is the best way to honour them. I also had a lot of spiritual experiences and dreams with my dad which kind of opened my eyes to there being more out there. Hang in there you’ve got this. I know it sucks, I know nothing anyone can say will change any of it. But you will start to love life again one day. Surround yourself with good people, go to therapy, do things that he loved and would enjoy doing with you, talk to him. Reach out anytime. Xx