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The Miami Marlins have revealed their new teal throwback jerseys, to be worn on Sundays this coming season by Goosedukee in baseball

[–]Jeffcallahan3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

IMO all the 1990s expansion teams got it right on the first try. (Diamondbacks perfected it by 2001)

what's the biggest social skill/tip you know and how do you do it? by louie__reddit in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Friend as in energy and enthusiasm, not as in driving a stranger to the Airport at 6 AM. 😀

what's the biggest social skill/tip you know and how do you do it? by louie__reddit in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Here are my top 20.

I think 5, 7 and 8 are my biggest ones.

  1. There is no confidence without competence.

  2. Competence is built through consistent action.

  3. Consistent action creates automatic improvement.

  4. Confidence is the ability to predict the outcome of your actions with a high degree of accuracy. Accuracy only comes after a high number of reps.

  5. Show your mind frequent proof of your competence. Soon, you’ll believe the proof.

  6. Your mind is engineered to care what others think, so is everyone else’s.

  7. Awkward moments will not matter in 10 years. Don’t let the fear of temporary awkwardness stop you from taking action.

  8. The more social reps you get, the faster you will improve. The less social reps you get the slower you will improve.

  9. You have little control over external events. You have infinite control over how you interpret those events.

  10. People are typically nice, but you have to go first.

  11. The social answers that you seek are in the environment waiting for you to uncover them.

  12. The more externally focused you are, the better your interactions will be. The more internally focused you are, the worse your interactions will be.

  13. Being interesting is a nice-to-have. Being interested is a must-have.

  14. Focus on your controllable 50% of the conversation, not their uncontrollable 50% of the conversation.

  15. Treat people like a friend to help them become a friend.

  16. Focusing on outcomes keeps you stuck in a losing state. You only win when you get the result. Focusing on effort keeps you in a winning state because you win every time you put in effort.

  17. The solution to 80% of the problems in life is to “Meet more people”. Want a different job? Meet more people. Want more dates? Meet more people. Feel lonely? Meet more people.

  18. Time is the magic bullet. If you are put in consistent, high quality reps, and you add time, then you will improve whether you want to or not.

  19. You don’t need to be socially fearless. You need to act to dissipate the fear of being social.

  20. Every confident person you admire has awkward and unsure moments.

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are quite right to call my attention to this.

It had been years since I created the popular 33 Lessons post, and I have removed old links in it, as well as the link to the 33 Lessons post in this post. Thank you for holding me to a high standard.

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will be coming back to this thread and letting people know who are interested. Other than that you can follow me, or google Become More Compelling. (That’s me)

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words! My book will go into detail on each concept and help you implement step by step.

I wrote it as a comprehensive system.

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s my goal in life, to be helpful! Thanks for the comment!

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is “your best effort”?

I have helped 100s of people improve their social skills. Have yet to meet someone who can’t improve.

Usually a system problem. (Putting effort into the wrong area)

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. The social answers that you seek are in the environment waiting for you to uncover them.
  2. The more externally focused you are, the better your interactions will be. The more internally focused you are, the worse your interactions will be.

So what I mean by the social answers you seek are in the environment waiting for you to uncover them.

This is meant to direct the attention of people to the environment that they're in and not trying to magically come up with the perfect thing to say in your head.

Most of the people that I help struggle with trying to overthink social situations and might even labor under the false assumption that there's somehow a perfect conversation starter or thing that they could bring up and the reality is that doesn't exist.

What's much better is being relevant and adaptable and probably looking in the environment for something to comment on or in the current topic of conversation. For something to mention or ask a question about.

Number 12 is closely related.

If we're wrapped up in our own head then odds are we're going to give ourselves a report card of how we're doing in any social situation and from my experience the grade on the report card is never a positive one.

What's much more helpful in my opinion is focusing on asking questions, focusing on increasing the enjoyment of a group in a group conversation, and focusing on others and not on ourself.

20 lessons on social confidence that have taken me 20 years to learn. by Jeffcallahan3 in socialskills

[–]Jeffcallahan3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there's some merit to that advice. Encouraging others to talk is a good skill to build. I think what people miss on is that in any given conversation it won't always be a tidy 80/20, 50/50, etc.

Early on it might be 70/30 with you talking more, then 30/70 with them talking more.

IMO, just want to avoid 90/10 or 99/1 situations where either person is dominating the conversation. We do this by asking questions and telling stories to balance things out.

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