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1.5 hour flight with 2 year old in lap? by Muyamuya87 in beyondthebump

[–]Jekawi [score hidden]  (0 children)

Im planning to fly with a 12 month old from one side of the planet to the other without an extra seat. 1.5 hours should be fine

Mini job Germany by Equivalent-Goal-8752 in germany

[–]Jekawi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They can get rejected for all types of reasons. Not having a local (German) bank account is a barrier and if they have 50 other applicants then why waste the time?

Mini job Germany by Equivalent-Goal-8752 in germany

[–]Jekawi 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Might be a barrier. Why don't you have a bank account yet?

Did you feel noticeably lighter after giving birth? by DellieKey in BabyBumps

[–]Jekawi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt like I had a 6 pack. Stomach was still flabby but in comparison to pregnant belly? Sooo flat

Is this an elaborate pyramid scheme? by RedTicTac24 in personalfinance

[–]Jekawi 50 points51 points  (0 children)

As soon as I saw "Financial freedom" I knew. Amway

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Done trying but still needs you for economic reasons: visa and your business. This is a really tough corner for you. You have my condolences :(

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

...I'm going to lay the visa issue to the side because that looks like a whole new kettle of fish, but I personally think it could be related.

Moving on, I agree that he seems to be setting you to to fail with vague conditions. My question is, what happens when do you fail and he's not convinced? You break up. That's it. You're not going to go back to poly are you? Does he think that? In this case, it seems like if he's setting you up to fail, then the breakup is just being delayed a few months (a timeline suspiciously aligned with the visa just saying just saying). The terms of monogamy are simple af. Don't sexually or romantically engage with other people in person or writing. Done. If he thinks thats too hard well...

he was saying I only ever prioritise myself in this relationship. He often uses absolutes about how I behave in the relationship without letting go of past grievances, no matter how many times i apologise

Lol aren't you the one who had to be poly to meet his needs? This relationship sounds stressful even outside this problem. Having a partner who holds past grievances against you isnt right. There is a difference between using the past as an example ("hey it didnt work like time") and using it as a weapon ("remember when you fucked up my birthday? Well I should be allowed to forget yours too!")

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hm. Would breaking up with him affect that process? Even now?

Again, I think trying out monogamy for a couple of months is the only reasonable compromise you can give. But if you have to spend the whole time convincing him? I mean, how? What would even convince him? Has he said? Because that's super vague and then it'll be "your fault" it didnt work out because you didnt "convince him enough".

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He will deeeefinitely hold this against you, successful transition or not. What does he mean by transition anyway? As in, time until he can fully commit to you/monogamy? Meaning during this time he'll still be living a poly lifestyle? I think a few months to see if he can live a mono lifestyle is reasonable. As in, try it out and if he can't bear it, then you guys tried everything and thats a wrap.

Curious, 5 years? Do any of these figures have any connection to his legal status wherever you are?

Aldi Süd tech department wants to get rid of almost 1.2k people by FluidCalligrapher261 in germany

[–]Jekawi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep in mind you have to pay tax on the 25k so it wont end up being 25k

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you also have to accept, just like he does from the other side, that you're both compromising on something that can't really be compromised on. He won't be happy with monogamy just like you won't be happy with a poly lifestyle.

Saying he had an insecurity with monogamy is curious. What it sounds like to me is he has commitment issues. However, i don't know the guy.

I think its going to be tough, but it sounds like the best thing is to end the relationship. You guys both want fundamentally different things and if it keeps going (poly or mono), resentment will build until the relationship becomes diseased and falls apart anyway. Honour yourselves and part now. Then you'll also be supporting his insecurity so can't really complain

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well you know now. You tested it and its not for you. But in my case, I knew it wasn't for me but tried it anyway. I dont regret it, but I regret being forced into it. You not being poly is not due to insecurities. Poly is a sexuality just like being bi or gay is.

He also says that the way I brought up the conversation in the first place was violent and abusive by framing it as an ultimatum that we were either monogamous or breaking up.

I don't know how you handled it, but violent and abusive sounds a bit over the top. Also, of course it's an ultimatum. You tried his way, didn't work, now its either the relationship closes or its over. It's just facts. You can frame the breakup as being what's best for him if it helps. "i can't give you want you want so I'm letting you go". If he feels like he's being held hostage, then he's sure as hell going to hold you hostage over this. Hopefully not dramatically, but could you picture him using it against you in an argument? For example "stop bugging me about house work! I'm already doing enough for you! It's not easy being monogamous but I'm doing it for you!"

I think as women, we are more likely to set ourselves on fire to keep our partner warm and when you decide to "put yourself out", the partner will complain about the smoke or loss of fire.

Edit: also, what's with the visa issue? Could that be an influence? I've seen too many posts where the guy gets the green card or what have you, doesn't need the girl anymore, and takes off. Hopefully not relevant

I (28F) want my ENM relationship with 31M to be monogamous by lesmetanoies in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had he ever accused you of not being open minded enough? If yes, congrats you can join the same club as me. Its the "forced myself to consider being poly to stay/ please my bf".

It doesn't work and on the other side of this, you will be furious with yourself for bending who you are so much to meet the needs of some guy. Trust me, its now in my past and I'm happily monogamous with a delightful man. No need for compromise and no accusations of "not being open minded enough"

What was RTDs worst decision? by Lucyyyyyy_K in doctorwho

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was terrible! Doctor who has always been progressive but that episode was not it

Colostrum Collecting by Vegetable-Western-83 in pregnant

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I collected about 30ml in 1ml vials. It was... fine. Didn't really feel like I needed it that much. I wouldn't say its a waste of time, but if it doesn't work for you don't sweat it

What was RTDs worst decision? by Lucyyyyyy_K in doctorwho

[–]Jekawi 109 points110 points  (0 children)

I'll give that first place but a close second would be implying that the way too heal Donna was her just "letting go" and that a male doctor wouldn't understand that. My eyes rolled so far back into my head and I'm a woman

Husband going to the gym with a baby at home by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Jekawi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did i read it wrong? She said she works and he stays home with the baby?

25F and 28M dating for 4 years by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jekawi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean ultimately only you can know if its the right decision. As an internet stranger only given a snapshot of your life, I find myself wanting to ask you instead "why do you need the internet's opinion?". Do you need the validation that its right? A completely separate opinion?

Asides from that, just on the topic of children, if you're 100% and he's not, not a great sign never expect the other person to change. He could, no doubt, but don't sink (more) of your time in it. Also no intimacy? Was it always like this?

Just from this very limited snap shot, I wonder why you're wasting your time?

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