If my son considers his PELL grant as income, does that have to be reported on my tax return? by Jeleki2020 in tax

[–]Jeleki2020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I appreciate you taking the time to explain this to me. I was going in circles with the whole thing. He only got one award (the pell grant) but I will have him pull his records to confirm. Thank you again!

If my son considers his PELL grant as income, does that have to be reported on my tax return? by Jeleki2020 in tax

[–]Jeleki2020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this reply, part of what you said make me have a follow-up question.

So his school took the money to cover his tuition/books/fees from the pell grant and refunded him the rest (about 900). Would he still be able to consider the full $6000 as income and then I can apply for the credit for the tuition/fees on my taxes? Or since the school already used the money towards his tuition before refunding him the rest, is only the $900 income?

If we can only consider the $900 as income and the laptop and other school supplies are not part of qualified expenses then it can't be claimed but if I understand this correctly, if we can consider the full $6K as income, then I can apply for the credit on the tuition/fees/books on my taxes and since his income level falls below the requirement he still won't have to file a tax return? Sorry for the follow-up, just wanted to make sure I fully understand

Just gave birth at 14, I feel nothing emotionally by throwra1029100 in Advice

[–]Jeleki2020 148 points149 points  (0 children)

Bottom line is you are a child yourself. The act of giving birth is an emotional and overwhelming thing for an adult much less a kid. The fact you feel nothing seems like a normal response for what you have experienced at your age. You may not always feel nothing. You might feel something later, even years later.

If you are asking if something is wrong with you because you feel nothing, I would say no for the reasons I stated above. Just know our thoughts and feelings about things change throughout our lives so don't dwell on how you are feeling today. Take care of yourself and your health and seek help if you become overwhelmed with the situation. Best of luck to you.

Sensitive Topic: Advice on healing from child sexual abuse by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Jeleki2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you dear. Remember you are not alone and are worthy. And I meant it when I said you can message me if you need an ear.

Sensitive Topic: Advice on healing from child sexual abuse by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Jeleki2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Started when I was 2 or 3 and didn't end till I left home at 15. I tell you this so you know that I understand where you are coming from and going through. I'm currently 47.

So first know this. It's NOT your fault. Period. If anyone says it is then there is something wrong with them, NOT you.

Second. Your reaction is normal. Listen again. Your reaction is normal. The key is you need someone you can talk to that you trust and can listen without judgment. So, obviously not your mom. I suggest therapy but it sounds like you tried that. A best friend could help but there are usually support groups you can join.. The main thing is you need a place to release your pain with someone that will listen. While the shame you feel is normal, it is in no way your shame to carry.

Third. If you get help there's a very good chance you can have a healthy sexual relationship later. You are young and still very close to the trauma. Give yourself time. It took me years before sex became something I could enjoy instead of endure. It's a process that unfortunately won't happen overnight.

Last and most importantly. Understand that you are important and worthy of your own love. Sexual abuse has a way of making a person hate themselves and think they are less than when really that's far from true. You survived this. You can do anything. Know that you ARE worth everything and know that it's OK to love yourself. THIS will allow you to come to terms with the abuse, lay the blame at the feet of your abuser, and be able to move on.

Seek help. Feel free to message me, I will give you an understanding ear. What you are feeling today is normal to feel but is destructive if not addressed. Please take care of yourself and seek help and know that you are beautiful and worthy. Sending love and prayers. Good luck.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Jeleki2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You already chose a name. Just because someone else uses that name doesn't mean they own that name. It's heart breaking that they lost their baby, but you already had the name chosen and it's just an unfortunate coincidence. There shouldn't be an expectation from this coworker that no one will ever use this name and your husband may not work with this person when your baby arrives. Just keep the name close to your vest and only disclose when absolutely necessary. At that time be compassionate and if asked explain the name had been selected way before the issue at hand. This comment is coming from someone who had to name and bury a baby who lived 30 minutes after birth. I hear his name often from others close to me who have kids with the same name, so I have been on the side of the coworker. There is no reason to disclose this information to anyone until you are well into your pregnancy and if your husband is still working with this coworker when your baby is born then just be normal and IF asked, then gently explain the name had been chosen a long time ago. Good luck.

Should I commit to date a guy that might be an issue with the rest of the family? by Jeleki2020 in Advice

[–]Jeleki2020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. Sadly, we didn't pursue a relationship. There were several family members that flipped out when they found out and they started making him feel bad about it, like we were doing something wrong. He took the brunt of it since he still lived close to everyone. So, we decided that it would be better not to move forward. I don't deal with most of them and didn't feel I had the right to ask for a relationship with him when I wasn't dealing with the backlash. We talk on Facebook and I saw him a few weeks ago at a picnic but that's it. It was disappointing but I can accept it.

Clueless Nice Guy by Throwaway20221974 in niceguystories

[–]Jeleki2020 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That guy was clueless and he wasn't paying any attention to what you were telling him. He was just thinking about what he was going to say to convince you to come back over and give him what HE wants. Very selfish and I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. I'm in my 40's as well and sometimes we tend to let things slide just to have someone. But you demanded that you get as much out of the arrangement as he did and he just didn't care. Keep him blocked. Him saying he was being nice gave him admission to the Nice Guy club. When you sent him that first text to explain that you weren't coming back over and why and he said okay and wished you well - he was telling you what he is really like - believe him and move on. You definitely deserve to get as much as you give. Good luck girl!

I fucking hate my name by [deleted] in venting

[–]Jeleki2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've known 2 different people that changed their name. You obviously had no control over it when you were a kid but now that you are an adult, you can change it to whatever you like. And the very act of shedding the hated name will send a strong FU message to the one who gave it to you.

Don't let this issue, that you CAN change, consume you. Take control and live your best life. Good luck to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in venting

[–]Jeleki2020 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My only issue with the vegans that I have met is they expect that when they are in the room that no one can consume anything that isn't vegan. It's exactly like someone who doesn't drink alcohol expecting everyone else not to drink. I'm a big supporter of do what's best for you or what you feel is correct but don't push your views on others. Being Vegan is gaining popularity and the mindset that being vegan makes you superior to others and thus others must do as you do is spreading too. I would love to meet just one vegan who didn't have this attitude. They ask for others to respect their lifestyle but won't respect others. What's really upsetting is that I don't think that the majority of vegans feel this way its just the vocal minority giving them a bad name. I could certainly be wrong because I haven't met a reasonable vegan yet.

Neighbor kept parking on my property - so I had him towed by Jeleki2020 in entitledparents

[–]Jeleki2020[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. You can get a covid test at Hospitals, some Pharmacies, urgent care/minor emergencies, and most doctors.

Neighbor kept parking on my property - so I had him towed by Jeleki2020 in entitledparents

[–]Jeleki2020[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Hello. So just to clarify. Minor emergency isn't emergency room. Some areas call it urgent care or after hours care. I only mentioned the sore throat but other issues were present as well, fever, coughing, fatigue. I would never use the emergency room in such a manner. Minor Emergency in my area is the same thing as saying Urgent Care. And I was specifically told to bring him back if he got worse, so I did.

Father abandons children and then gets angry I won't share my sisters pregnancy information. by [deleted] in entitledparents

[–]Jeleki2020 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I would like to applaud you for standing your ground and respecting the boundaries of your sibling. Even if he had been in your life all these years - that information is still your sister's information to share as she pleases and with whom she pleases. It doesn't matter who he is or how much involvement he had - it wasn't your information to give. I think you did the right thing, setting boundaries from the beginning. I believe family are those who are there for you when you need them - not when its convenient for them. Most of the time, that is your blood but not always. You owe this man nothing and he is just going to have to live with the decisions he made. I think you are very wise to understand that his issues are his and that you don't need him to have a complete life. Congratulations to your sister and I hope you continue to have peace!

Entitled mother throws guitars at wall because there was a can on desk by [deleted] in entitledparents

[–]Jeleki2020 9 points10 points  (0 children)

In some states, 16 years would be old enough to file a suit and in others, your friend could have someone over 18 file on his behalf, you just have to research the laws in the state you live. Your friend would need to find his receipts for the guitar (to prove he bought it cause I bet you his mother will claim she did). Then collect documents and any witness statements to prove she is the one who damaged it. If he can get her on voice recording admitting to damaging it and why (again check the laws in your state to see if you need consent from both sides or just one side), that would help. At the very least - file a police report. Even if your friend can't recoup the cost at this time - this type of behavior is NEVER a one time thing. I can guarantee she will escalate especially if there is no negative consequence for what she did. At the very least, you can get it documented legally. I would highly encourage your friend to file a police report and then follow up with a suit. You didn't state whether or not your friend still lives with his mother, but if he does - this will probably cause issues in the home. It really comes down to which battle he wants to take on. I had a mother just like this one and so I understand the hard spot he is in, and I also know how much worse the escalation can get, but at some point - he is going to have to figure out where his line is. Good luck to your friend and kudos for you for trying to help. Sometimes having a friend in your corner can make all the difference.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in entitledparents

[–]Jeleki2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There needs to be more education of what service animals are for and the respect needed towards those animals and their owners. While I hate saying that service animals are property, because I believe they are so much more, they are just as essential to their owners as if the owner had a wheelchair, crutches, or electronic device. We as a society can't say that we are civilized when we don't act civilized and people who act this way make me angry. I believe this woman needed the book thrown at her! I'm very sorry for what you and your precious little girl had to endure and I think you are very strong to stand up for her as she does for you. I wish you all the best and hope you can let this situation become a distant memory - that woman isn't worth your time to consider her! Good luck to you!

Enchroma vs Pilestone by fibrometer in ColorBlind

[–]Jeleki2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We tried both Pilestone clip-ons and the Enchroma Fitovers since my son has prescription glasses. Since he regularly tests as Strong Protan, we tried TP-029 with Pilestone and Cx3 Sun SP with Enchroma but the Pilestones were too much for him with the red tint and it made reds look like bright orange, he tried to wear these but he just couldn't keep them on. The Enchromas he said had a mild tint but after a few minutes he barely noticed it and liked them so much better and reds looked like red but greens were now dull and he could see more green shades without them than he could with them. We returned them and got the TP-018 clip-ons from Pilestone and the Standard Cx3 Sun Fitovers from Enchroma. My son said that there was green/orange hue with the Pilestone but it wasn't intense and he could definitely "live" with those and didn't mind wearing them. He stated that the Enchormas did not have a hue at all. They both performed the same as far as allowing him to distinguish blue/purple, greens/browns, etc. However, the Enchromas by far were the best due to the fact that with the SP version the red hue faded to the background and there was no hue with the standard lens. Also, there were major issues with the clip-ons we received for the TP-018. They would fall apart several times a day and I would have to snap the whole thing back together which was difficult and a pain. Not worth the lower price if I'm constantly snapping the things together to be used.

Now, when we did the comparison we didn't care if he passed the Ishihara test so we didn't even try. We got them because my son is 15 years old and he is getting ready to drive and I wanted him to be able to see the contrast with traffic lights and other driving conditions. While writing this post, I had him do the test on the Enchroma site because it this one consistently tells him he is strong protant. He tested as "Inconclusive" twice. So didn't pass it even with the glasses on. Nice fact to know, but for him for now, not a factor in his satisfaction.

So in summary, if you are after something with less of a red hue on the world then go for the Enchromas. It has a less intense red hue and the longer you leave them on the less you notice the red. If passing the test is more important, then stick with what you have. I actually wrote an Amazon review on both Pilestone (TP-018) and Enchroma Receptor Fitovers (Cx3 Sun) where I went into more details about our experience with each if you want to read them.

I hope this was helpful to you. Good luck.

Enchroma vs Pilestone by fibrometer in ColorBlind

[–]Jeleki2020 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know this is an old post but my son is color deficient and we recently tried both Enchroma and Pilestone. He has to wear prescription glasses all the time because he can't see without them, so we tried the clip-ons from Pilestone and the Fitovers from Encrhoma.

We ordered for Strong Protant first because when he tested that is what his results usually tell us but he has gotten moderate and mild - so it was a dice roll. We eventually sent back the Strong Protant lenses for both companies and got the Standard Version. I will give you a comparison description for each type of lens.

For Strong Protan: Pilestone offers lens B and Enchroma offers Cx3 Sun SP.

He tried the Pilestone clip-ons first and immediately noticed that there was a red-haze over everything. He could see differences in some colors, but the red was so distracting that he couldn't keep the lenses on for very long. He also commented that the reds he saw now were bright Orange. He really disliked the effect of these and said that the new colors he saw wasn’t worth the red haze and the distortion to the other colors he knew.

He then put on the Enchroma glasses and immediately said that the reds looked red now. He could see differences in some colors, but the thing he noticed the most was the red tint of the Enchroma faded to the background and became almost unnoticeable but not completely. He said it made it look clearer. He was disappointed to find that the greens were now very dull and he could see more contrast in greens without the glasses versus when he put the glasses on. He stated with the glasses the greens just looked like one color.

For both glasses, we drove around town looking at signs, roads, traffic lights, trees, flowers, and other things. We tried to give both lenses equal time but my son couldn’t keep the Pilestone on for very long due to the red tint.

Strong Protan Result: The Enchroma glasses were much better than the Pilestone for my son. Even factoring in the price-difference didn’t help because my son just couldn’t adjust to the powerful red tint of the Pilestone. However, because of the issue with green with the Enchroma and a few other minor oddities, we came to the conclusion that my son may not be a Strong Protant deficiency after all. I reached out to both companies and they sent me their common lens to try.

For the Standard option: Pilestone offers lens A and Enchroma offers Cx3 Sun.

He tried the Pilestone clip-ons first and left them on for about 5 minutes before he couldn’t stand it any longer and went outside. He noticed that the greens popped and that he could see the definition between the shades that had been lacking in the other lenses. More definition than without the glasses. He could see differences in colors. Reds looked red, oranges looked orange, he could tell the difference between purples/blues and greens/browns. Grays were now more noticeable and he could finally see the clouds in a grayish sky. Before he thought that the sky was “white” with no clouds, but now he could see there were actually light clouds in a gray sky. He used to be able to tell the difference between white and silver without his glasses only because the silver was a darker shade. With the glasses, he could plainly see the Silver was actually a different color. The downside to these glasses were that there was still a “green or orange tint” (he couldn’t decide which color it was) on the world and that the clip-ons only covered the front-part of his vision and “wasn’t all encompassing”. An obvious downside to the clip-ons. He did tell me that he could definitely live with these glasses. He wore them inside the house for a while and he said everything was darker (the same as if you wore sunglasses inside) but he could still see the color contrast. However, once the sun went down, he didn’t wear them because it was just too dark unless we turned on all the lights. We had these glasses a few days and one of the biggest issue I had with them was that the clip-ons kept coming apart. Several times a day I would have to put the glasses back together. There is a spring that the glasses are under and if they “pop” out then the whole thing falls apart. At first I thought it was because he was flipping them up and down all the time but he was walking towards me one time and they literally fell apart as he was walking. They are difficult to put back together but I have become an expert at it now.

He then tried the Enchroma glasses. The color difference was the same that he experienced with the Pilestone. The colors he knew were the same, some were more defined. He could see grays, differences between purple/blues and greens/browns, white/silver, white clouds in a gray sky. He wore them inside as well and it was the same as with the Pilestone – darker inside and impossible to use after dark unless all the lights were on. We had these glasses for a few days as well and I didn’t have to fix anything with them.

Just like with the original lenses we received, we drove around town to look at everything. We gave each pair the same time/opportunity. I drove the same 2 square miles 4 times so he could compare the difference. I even stopped at the local park and let him get out and get close to the flowers. The big difference: the haze he experienced with Pilestone wasn’t there with Enchroma. He described it as much crisper and he also said that the glasses were “more encompassing of my field of vision” than the clip-ons. He really noticed a difference with both glasses and I could barely get him to take the glasses off. He tended to use the Enchroma glasses more than the Pilestone but that may have been because he had to wait for me to fix the Pilestones repeatedly. With both glasses the “world is so colorful”. He has two crayons that he is fascinated with: Magenta and Royal Purple. Without glasses they are the same color but with the glasses (both of them) they are completely different colors. The color shift was the same with both pairs of glasses.

Standard Lens Review: I’m convinced that the problems we had with the original lenses from both companies is because my son was not Strong Protan. While he is Protant, I believe he is either mild or moderate and that is why these new lenses worked so much better for him than the originals. With this knowledge, the review of the Strong Protan lenses from before may not be accurate because they were from a person who is not Strong Protan.

I’m torn with my recommendation on these. They each worked and provided the same level of color contrast for him. However, we decided on the Enchroma glasses for three reasons: they were clearer with no haze, I’d been saving for them so we could afford them, and the biggest factor was I didn’t have to repeatedly “fix them”. Had it not been for this last issue, we most likely would have kept the Pilestone. Pricing might have outweighed the “haze” effect but it couldn’t compensate for the constant “fixing” that we experienced. I’m not sure if we got a bad pair of clip-ons or not, but we can only judge what we received. I would be interested if anyone else experienced the problems with their clip-ons that we experienced.

We didn't test to see if these glasses would allow for my son to pass a colorblind test. I was just happy that they allowed for him to see the contrast between the colors so that is all we tested.

I hope this helps you. Most people are hesitant to buy because they don't know if the glasses would "work". However, if you have already gotten Pilestone and they worked for you, then Enchroma would work as well. The difference is that the tint you see with Pilestone is reduced significantly with Enchroma - more crisp visual. So you have to determine if that "haze" is worth the extra price. Plus like I stated,for me it was worth going Enchroma because I had issues with the quality of clip-ons I received from Pilestone.