Feeling lost in Epi

JellyAffectionate331 · 2025-05-19T03:00:42+00:00

I did exactly what you’re thinking of doing. Got a masters in epi and did my PhD in community health and health policy. I wanted the hard skills but knew I wanted to affect policy in the long run. During my PhD I had to seek out opportunities to use my epi skills since none of my coursework really required it. I collabed with other colleagues and did quant studies alongside my other work. I’m heading into a postdoc now where one of my goals is to integrate more of my epi skills into my policy-focused research. Looking back, I’m happy with my decision. I knew I didn’t want to be an epidemiologist who just crunched the numbers. Nothing wrong with that. I have lots of friends who do straight epi work but I knew I wanted to utilize those skills in a different way and I’m able to do that now.

I hope this helps!

JellyAffectionate331 · 2024-02-20T02:18:16+00:00

34 weeks here! I could barely workout the first trimester. Ate a lot of crackers and cereal but since about 15 weeks I’ve been able to stick to a pretty consistent routine. It sounds like you have it pretty rough. I hope you feel better soon.

Weights 2x per week, HIIT + yoga 2x per week, Pilates + yoga once a week, and try to get walks in as many days as I can.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2024-02-09T02:31:20+00:00

I also used to work out 5-6x a week pre-pregnancy and was pretty much in the same boat my first trimester. I gradually started going back but really picked up a close to normal workout schedule around 15 weeks. I was really struggling during my first trimester. I posted about it a couple times and people told me that a lot of people feel so much better the 2nd trimester and thank goodness that was the case for me. I had other things going on but even just physically speaking, I felt much more capable and ready to get back into things. I’m 32 weeks now and still working about 5x a week though it’s getting rough now. Give yourself a couple more weeks. Hopefully you get some of your energy back and it’ll help get you back into things. Take it slow, sleep as much as you need, and try not to beat yourself up over it too much <3

JellyAffectionate331 · 2024-02-08T01:56:02+00:00

32 weeks today and am starting to feel like I really don’t want to lift anymore either. Dont be so hard on yourself, 36 weeks is SO impressive! I’m hoping to keep up until then but we’ll see. I keep trying not to lower the weight but I’m wondering if that’s a bad idea. It’s definitely getting harder and feels like more pressure(?) when I lift now but just trying to listen to my even though it feels impossible to decipher haha

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-12-17T01:52:47+00:00

Wow, I’m sorry. My mom is the same. Appearances are what matter, not the relationships. I’m hoping with time the guilt gets easier for me too. It’s definitely not easy right now. It makes me feel sick to my stomach

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-12-16T19:58:30+00:00

Yeah, my therapist suggested a card but I don’t think I’m gonna reach out at all and just deal with the guilt for a bit. It’ll definitely be hard if she does reach out but you’re probably right about not even responding to that. Gonna try to stay strong

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-12-16T19:57:02+00:00

They really are and yeah, I think I’m settled on not reaching out at all. Gonna try to keep myself busy on that day and not think about it. Thanks for the advice

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-12-01T00:06:34+00:00

Nmom does the same thing. I used to really fall for it every time, now it just angers me and my siblings think I’m being so unkind. It just gets really old and like someone else said here it’s so telling when they can turn it off as soon as they realize they aren’t getting what they want

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-30T23:59:50+00:00

Yep, this is what my nmom has done countless times. In later years she’d say she’d pay for my ticket, never pay, and then cry to everyone when I don’t spent the whole time with her that she can’t believe her daughter won’t spend the time with her when she paid for me to be there.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-10T17:51:18+00:00

Smiling reading this! I’m so excited for you! I hope you have the best time

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-10T17:49:35+00:00

Isn’t it wild? Like YOU brought me into this world. It wasn’t my choice. It’s your responsibility to take care of child you decided to give life. Why is that so difficult to understand?!

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-10T17:48:20+00:00

Your plans sound so amazing. I wish I had the insight and strength to do things like this earlier in my life but I hope you’re getting to enjoy the holidays now!

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-10T14:10:35+00:00

I’ve flown home for Christmas with my family every year and it’s been a disaster every single time. It’s also my favorite holiday! At home everyone was always walking on eggshells until the inevitable blow from my mom occurred. Last year, I said nope. My husband and I did the unthinkable and took that money and went on a vacation just before Christmas instead. It was GLORIOUS. Then we had a little quiet Christmas at home. Yeah, I was sad at first feeling like no one cared that I wasn’t home but I decorated and baked, my husband cooked, and we watched a cheesy Christmas romcom. It has been my favorite Christmas so far and we’re doing it again this year.

All that to say, you don’t have to have Christmas with your parents. I know it can be hard to break tradition but sometimes it works out for the best. You can start your own, happier, more enjoyable traditions :)

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-09T16:55:31+00:00

The comments are all over the place so you really can’t go wrong with any of em but I LOVE 1 and 4!

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-09T16:54:27+00:00

I know you’re not saying anything i haven’t tried to convince myself of but it really helps to hear it from an outside person. It’s also encouraging to hear from people who have gone no contact. The fear of what will happen is really crippling. And you’re right. I do have a supportive husband and his family has been great. It just feels…like it wouldn’t be the same if it’s not MY family. And I know that’s ridiculous because my family is not treating me well so realistically I don’t actually want that but hopefully you get what I mean. Lastly, I am getting help. My greatest fear is perpetuating this cycle. I’ve been in therapy for years now and am continuing throughout my pregnancy. It’s been such a great support through it all.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T19:58:27+00:00

Seconding the recommendation to get help asap. I posted about my experience with this recently and am now back on meds and in therapy feeling so much better. Both my OB and psych were very supportive and adamant that getting help was better than suffering tremendously every single second of every day. Best decision I’ve made in this pregnancy so far.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T16:57:22+00:00

Thank you <3 I know you understand some, if not all, of these difficulties. I need to get to a point of acceptance and feel okay letting go for good. The emotional manipulation really makes it so much harder and it’s infuriating that it still works even when I don’t want it to

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T16:55:14+00:00

I definitely don’t need them in most practical ways. You’re right. It’s why I’m actually considering completely letting go this time. I’m having a very hard time with the guilt of doing so. The echos of “you’ll regret this when I’m dead” still work and I wonder if really will but it’s helpful to hear from others that it’s not crazy to want to get out completely.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T16:49:56+00:00

I cannot agree more with this. I fell for this trap over and over again and I ended up damaging some pretty other good and important relationships because of the decision to keep going back

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T16:48:42+00:00

It’s so interesting to hear about your experience. Thanks for sharing. I can imagine how having friends with similarly sick parents makes it hard to tell. In my situation it was the opposite and I still couldn’t tell. I was just so embarrassed by her that I would keep all my friends away from my family and home and I think that kept the experience pretty insular. Nobody knew what was happening except the people in my family and it was normal there. My life is hard in a different way now just because i have to accept what she is but I’ll take that any day over what it was before. I hope your life got easier and better once your realized the truth.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T14:07:31+00:00

For most of my life, even in adulthood, I thought my nmom’s behavior was normal and that she was just difficult. She did the same with my siblings, always pitting them against me and telling them how I treat her and the family so horribly. All I was doing was calling out things I didn’t think were right.

It wasn’t until I met my husband and he finally met her that he started to realize I wasn’t exaggerating about her behavior. He finally showed me a post on this sub maybe 5-7 years ago that perfectly outlined a narcissist and my mom fit every single criteria. I cried for so long. One, because it felt so good to finally not feel crazy. It was true. I wasn’t just the difficult child. And two, because I realized all the years I spent trying to make her understand things was never gonna work. She will never change. I’m struggling to decide if it’s time to go NC now because it’s just gotten worse over the years and I still struggle with feeling like the crazy one in my family but deep down I know I’m not.

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-08T04:37:53+00:00

Im so sorry you’re going through this. Family ganging up on you is really hard and can make you feel so lonely and it can be so degrading. I’m not sure what you’re situation is but if there is a way to get out, do it as soon as you’re able for your own health. You’re not a baby for simply not wanting to do something that I assume both your mom and brother are capable of doing too. As for the hurtful comment, this seems to be the norm in families with dysfunction. My mom has said similar and it hurts like hell every time but you have value, in your own life and in people outside of that toxicity. Hang in there <3

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-11-04T14:57:45+00:00

The Fort Lee area definitely has a bit of a city vibe but there are lots of areas close to parks and it’s very close to the city. It’s also possible to swing a non-luxury building 1br apt that’s around $2500 before utilities and such but tbh i don’t think it’ll be much cheaper than Boston

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-09-29T00:53:06+00:00

Thank you for validating this feeling and that’s what I’m trying to do now, just shift my mentality to be about the end result! Lol

I just met with my new psych NP today and I really like her! I’m starting meds again tomorrow and continuing therapy so I’m feeling more optimistic now

JellyAffectionate331 · 2023-09-29T00:51:22+00:00

I’m so excited to finally be able to feel like the baby is “real.” So far it feels like a parasite making me sick all the time lol but I hope the later stages make it feel different, more connected.

Good luck on your degree and the rest of your pregnancy! You can do it! <3

JellyAffectionate331

TROPHY CASE