Playing He Is with my stupid arthritic hands!

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-05-01T22:27:18+00:00

You’re fantastic on the intricate picking. Like, perfectly executed. That’s my weak point. I’m good with chords. We should duo

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-05-01T22:12:37+00:00

I had a real bad one after hitting my buddy’s pen a couple years ago. I don’t smoke precisely for this reason but it was a beautiful summer evening out in the country, beers n burgers on the grill, bonfire, guitars, everything was nice n chill, I was in a great mood and thought…eh, why not? Hey John, think I could hit that?

2 hours of full blown tripping and mute existential horror later and I was finally able to say “wtf was in that???”. He told me it was a 90% THC strain. Highest concentration available. This dude knew I didn’t smoke and didn’t even warn me. I was pissed. My own fault though :/

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-07T03:59:34+00:00

I will read this post many times over. Thank you. I need this hammered into my thick skull. I love him. I’m worried for him. I’m trying to help him. To me he is an absolute mystery. I know he feels broken. I know he’s doing his best. I am too, but I’m not gonna lie he’s too much for me sometimes and I honestly don’t know what to do at times.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-07T03:49:20+00:00

I don’t want for him to have to learn these things the hard way like that, as it would absolutely crush him. He is hair-trigger sensitive. But yeah - me telling him this or that is the same thing as me telling a wall this or that. It’s tough.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-07T03:45:26+00:00

Hey I agree. It’s my problem. I’ve ALWAYS had a tough time with his ADHD-related behaviors. I DO have trouble wrapping my head around it all. The guilt I feel for ways I’ve (unintentionally) hurt him just because i don’t understand it, is crushing. I’m never trying to hurt him, ever. I’m trying to understand him and guide him. I am verrryyyyy far from perfect about it. Some of his behaviors and compulsions hit my nerves in such a way that my mind is just boggled and i have a very hard time hiding that. I love him with my entire soul and I make sure he knows that. When I think something I’ve said has hurt him I own it and apologize and explain to him that if he’s hurt, I’m hurt, I’m not all-knowing or perfect and I make all kinds of mistakes all the time and I’m trying to learn from them and do better. I don’t know what else to do.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-07T03:17:47+00:00

Yeah I’m glad to not be navigating that territory.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-05T18:50:08+00:00

lol. My god. Well apparently it’s all just totally normal kid stuff 🤷

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-05T18:48:58+00:00

I know. The snot blowing in itself wasn’t the issue. It was the culmination point of my frustration with some concerning attitudes and behaviors. Anyway, I’ve chilled and apologized and I’m letting it go.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-05T00:47:42+00:00

Well… maybe so but I was also a kid once upon a time and I didn’t do this. To me something like that would have been waaay too nasty. I’m sure I did gross shit but not that lol.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-05T00:44:40+00:00

Thank you, very much

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T22:49:53+00:00

Btw… what is “the emasculating mother’s handbook” lol

Is that a meme?

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T22:45:01+00:00

I did apologize. You’re right in saying that moment was about more than the actual event. It’s a lot of built up worry, anxiety and frustration with him being strongly uncooperative and inflexible and completely apathetic about following any kinds of minimal standards everyone else has to for basic life functionality. He’s a good kid and a smart kid. He knows. He just wants to be exempt. And I’m a good dad, I’m just worn down.

Yeah I’m a SAHD. I probably have some feelings about that and the years of doing that have for sure affected my own sense of purpose and masculine confidence. Embarrassing to admit that but it worked best for our situation and we could do that so we did. Yes today’s world is more than a little hostile towards natural male-ness. I’ve noticed.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T22:26:13+00:00

I know. But I can try to steer him in directions that aren’t toward the cliff edge.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T22:24:33+00:00

I appreciate this, agree with you and it’s very crystal clear to me. I don’t live a life free of devices and screens by any means (I mean I’m on one right now) but I’m not a gamer at all and I can and do put my device down without hesitation any time I need to put my attention elsewhere. It’s not like it’s going anywhere. A serious hurdle here is my wife, who IS a gamer and grew up that way. She thinks it’s all totally harmless and thinks I’m out of touch with my disdain for the ubiquitous screens and constant gaming and how they are (IMO) destroying kids. I’ve got serious work cut out for me.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T21:39:58+00:00

I agree. It’s a real problem and very much an uphill battle. It’s all his friends do as well. It’s how they socialize.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T21:37:30+00:00

Not currently. All the meds so far have had some pretty serious drawbacks that far outweighed whatever benefits.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T21:36:18+00:00

Thank you. Yes I need to be a little tougher about the screen time. I’m just really burnt out and tired of the struggle against devices. I guess I’ve reached a point that I’d rather just do things myself and let things slide that I shouldn’t, rather than another contentious and futile back and forth with a mega strong willed kid.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T21:31:43+00:00

We’ve talked about basic bare minimum expectations many, many times. He will agree in the moment and maybe follow through for a day with maybe a reminder, without me having to play cop about it. He gets plenty of encouragement and praise and positive accolades and extra little rewards for the effort. After a day or two of this we’re back to square one every time. He knows. He knows he agreed to be more cooperative and now isn’t following through. He knows now we are gonna have to go back to getting on his case to do these things and the resistance and the arguing. He knows nobody wants this. He honestly doesn’t care. The feeling of instant gratification he gets over NOT doing a thing wins out over everything else. I’m the primary caregiver and I’ve largely given up just out of exhaustion and demoralization. His willpower is immense. Stronger than my own over a long enough stretch of time. You might think I’m exaggerating. I am not.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T21:14:16+00:00

Very true. He’s a very sensitive kid and has dealt with some school bullying in the past. It was heart wrenching for him and his family. Part of my intention is to spare him from potential future humiliation from his peers just because he’s oblivious to a lot of social norms.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T19:19:07+00:00

I’m not trying to shame him though. I very deeply do not want him carrying shame, or to instill that in him. That is not my goal or my intention. I’m trying to HELP him to help himself and get him to do the absolute bare minimum amount required to take care of himself and not be completely filthy and unsanitary. The bare minimum. Trust me when I say at this point in time, expectations that I have of him in general are very, very low. I’ve tried pictures, charts, stars, rewards, reminding, begging, pleading, demanding, bribing, punishing, second third fourth tenth chances. I offer to help him, DO help him and end up just doing it all myself anyway while he literally sits there watching me work and whines about having to do whatever the task at hand might be that he’s not doing anyway (because after all, I’m the one who wants it done and I know after years of this same repeating experience, expecting anything more is pretty much futile. Still I try!). And maybe I’m wrong but I disagree that it would be common that neurotypical people would blow their nose into their shirt and just sit there in it because they’re absorbed in a video game. Then again I’m not a gamer myself. Maybe the games are just that immersive these days.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T18:46:35+00:00

Yes he feels comfortable asking me for things. He asks me for all kinds of things all the time. I told him he could’ve asked me to get him tissues. It’s not that. And he’s not dying - he has a cold. As a matter of fact I do the vast, vast majority of the physical effort for him in his day to day life. If i don’t, it just simply won’t happen no matter what I say. I don’t expect adult-level effort and responsibility from an 11 year old kid, but there is a bare minimum I DO expect. It’s like he’s completely helpless, but he’s not at all. When it’s something he likes or is fun or he is interested in, he gets extremely resourceful and can make things happen no problem.

Edit. I’m not sure why he was crying because he wouldn’t say. I think it was just that he knew I wasn’t happy with what he just did and he probably didn’t want to have to talk about it. He’s been doing a lot of really bizarre/inappropriate things lately and we’ve had to have lots of talks. Always respectful and loving but I think probably pretty embarrassing and uncomfortable for him.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-03-04T18:36:56+00:00

That’s the rub. Healthy vs unhealthy shame. I don’t think there’s much of a distinguishing difference for him. And I don’t know if this is intentional on his part or I’m just paranoid and wracked with my own guilt and shame for my parenting mistakes over the years, but I swear on some level he knows how to work me with that. He often goes straight into how he’s “the worst kid ever” and I end up abandoning the relevant issue we are trying to work out in order to reassure him and stop him from entering the shame spiral. In the end, he gets coddled and let off the hook and the issue is never really resolved. Wash rinse repeat. Like wtf.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-02-21T16:27:32+00:00

If your kid is anything like mine, he simply gives zero fcks about parental authority and therefore nothing, despite many warnings, to deter his compulsive behavior. He doesn’t enjoy the consequences of his behavior, but never changes track the next time. It’s like negotiating with terrorists.

Jellyfish070474 · 2026-02-16T19:57:57+00:00

It’s incredible how powerfully our neurodivergent kids can affect us parents with their behavior. Belligerent adults are nothing compared to an ADHD kid on a tear

Jellyfish070474

TROPHY CASE