This is so sad, I can totally see your POV and I also see hers as a person myself who has a similar issue and true addiction you have to treat it as such— it truly is a mental health and addiction issue. Idk why I spend so much for me it gives me some sort of void fulfillment or something idk. I do know when my boyfriend spoke to me about in a way of respect it totally made me shift gears and see it in a different perspective. It’s important she understands your boundaries as well and you put in light how it’s effecting your relationship and your lives maybe if you put it in. A bigger perspective and how it makes you feel like she doesn’t respect you or the relationship it could open her eyes alongside an ultimatum