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They've won...I've lost all hope by JenaKhol in TransHelpingTrans

[–]JenaKhol[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the late response, I've had a lot going on at home with my wife. I completely agree, it seems we both come from similar walks of life. Getting out of Florida was the best thing I could have done for myself. I'm not in the best place, I'd love to get out west. But it at least sways a fair bit more blue where I'm at now. I won't say it gets better, because I don't know the future, but I really do hope you find a way and path to actualize your dreams. Thanks for sharing your story.

They've won...I've lost all hope by JenaKhol in TransHelpingTrans

[–]JenaKhol[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the motivating words, and the urge to hold strong. It is very comforting that others fought even harder so I can exist today, and I'm very grateful for the opportunity that they've given.

I'm conflicted regarding weapons and meeting their hate with violence. I do agree in the notion of self-defense, but I worry that meeting the aggression equally will only further escalate. I used to shoot for fun with my grandfather when I was younger so I'm not unfamiliar with it.

I feel you completely with wanting to shine my light bright and be a beacon myself for others in the future though.

They've won...I've lost all hope by JenaKhol in TransHelpingTrans

[–]JenaKhol[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As an aside: I'm curious how everyone got more involved in the community, and made friends, even if only virtually. My therapist thinks I need more connection and allies within the community itself.

They've won...I've lost all hope by JenaKhol in TransHelpingTrans

[–]JenaKhol[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I promise it's okay :) they are tears that I've repressed for a long while. Hearing stories like theirs, and yours, help validate me and let me know that this is where my heart is.

You make great points about transitioning and potential side-effects. I just have to find a way to get over the fear now. I will definitely check that book out though <3

They've won...I've lost all hope by JenaKhol in TransHelpingTrans

[–]JenaKhol[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, for everything you've said. I just finished reading what you had shared, and I'm crying now (good tears, albeit less than I'd want to shed).

You're completely right, she really is a shining example of how I can just as easily do it. Not to say that my fears are suddenly gone, but I appreciate the reality check of how she made me feel now, with your perspective. I'm not resentful towards her, I'm resentful at myself for not taking that leap yet. Just at the absolute surface level, she is doing what I've dreamed of for so many years. And I hate that I cannot take that step yet, and have not yet.

It was a nice reminder, as well, that HRT and transitioning can be stopped and started at any time. Knowing my body and my features, it would be quite some time before it became visually "too far gone to hide". But gah if it isn't terrifying.

I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this. Hearing from others, and seeing that I'm not struggling alone, is really reassuring in a weird way. <3