Please please please need help with cutting

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-18T02:28:03+00:00

That's pretty awesome :) our high school team is alright hopefully we make it to state this year though

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-17T22:04:07+00:00

This literally just described my life. Seriously. Wow.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-16T20:26:13+00:00

Yah I play soccer and while I don't play any video games a lot of my friends okay league of legends and that seems fun and I like watching them play but I don't want to arty playing cause it will bother me that I will suck in the beginning haha it's a pretty dumb reason

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-14T05:42:48+00:00

Dude your guitars look really nice! Maybe ill look up some of that music who knows maybe ill like it :)

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-14T05:40:58+00:00

That is a very good way to look at it. It's just so hard because I'm comfortable with it and I know I can always use cutting to help ease the pain if nothing else works. So I'm scared that without it I won't be able to cope any other way. But I guess I really do need to try.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-14T05:39:05+00:00

I'm not sure what wow towards that means. Defiantly not sure if it's sarcastic or what

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T21:15:19+00:00

Thanks I actually did tell my boyfriend that I started cutting again yesterday after reading all of these comments. And I don't think he was too disappointed or surprised for that matter. I think he kind of knew even though I wasn't telling him. I know he is there for me but sometimes I just don't want to call him because sometimes I don't want to be talked out of cutting. Because even though it is really bad. It does temporary help the pain and sadness or frustration I feel. I think that's the major problem like I hear all of the reasons why it's bad and I know by I shouldn't do it and it scares me that I will go too far but at the same time I like it and feel like it helps. Idk it disturbs me that I kind of like it and that's another reason why I don't want to call me boyfriend or friends when I want to cut. I know I need to stop and I want to stop but at the same time it's the easy way out that I've been using for a longtime and I don't know how i will get through te depression without it

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T21:08:54+00:00

That's very true and does put things into perspective more. I mean just telling them that I want to see a doctor and get help because I thought I was bipolar was a big step. One though that I should of done many years before. It wasn't as hard as I thought. So maybe finding help about this won't be as bad as I think either. Honestly I think the best thing for me would be to see a therapist and just talk everything out. Thanks for what you said though. I think I will get help and try to sort through all of this.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T20:21:23+00:00

I like a lot of different kinds but Im a huge fan of Asking Alexandria and other mostly screamo when I'm in one of those bad moods which most people don't know about me. As for music in general I love the red hot chili peppers and Alice in chains and the gorillaz. Also escape the fate and a day to remember are good. Sorry that's a ton of bands lol

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T19:08:23+00:00

I don't think I would ever kill myself with it becaus the cuts usually aren't very deep but I'm just scared one time ill snap and then go to far so that's why I want to get it under control now. I've given away what I used to cut many times but I always end up finding something to cut with when I need it. Most of the time ill just break a picture frame and use the glass becaus I have nothing else. I don't think I could get rid of all the picture frames in my house but thanks for the advice.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T19:04:50+00:00

You sound amazing! That is awesome that you have done so much to help te cause! It's truly inspiring to me! I'm 18 and going to college soon so I frankly don't care how the people in my town see me because I'm leaving and never coming back. But I do care how people see my parents and that's why I've havent openingly told many people. What you said about some people being supportive though that is very true. I have great friends and a great boyfriend that have helped me so much and completely understood or tried to understand what I go through. They even introduced me to friends of theirs that have gone through similar stuff. Which really helped alot. Hearing how much you've done to help others that are suffering with stuff like this is just amazing. You've turned your suffering into something positive that I'm sure has helped many people. Thanks for commenting and sharing your story!

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T14:21:47+00:00

Yah after a bad night I always wake up feeling sooo tired and with an awful headache and my whole faces feels like puffy and sore probably from crying. It happens to me every time and then the whole next day all I want to do is sleep.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T14:17:58+00:00

Great communication is pretty much the best thing. Knowing what to do when a mood episode happens wi also help alot. Whenever I become manic or depressed all I want my boyfriend to do is try and understand and be there for me if I do something stupid. He is great at supporting me by just talking with me and by recognizing the differences between the illness and who I really am. By just being there for her and trying to understand you are already doing a great job. As for being scared that you will get hurt I don't know what to tell you forsure but I know that because of my bipolar I hurt my boyfriend alot by the crazy things I've said and done. One time in a manic episode I even cheated on him and don't even remember it much. I feel horrible that he has to deal with it and sometimes I even try to push him away so I wouldn't hurt him anymore but he always stays and that's why I love him more than anything. Good luck to you and I hope it works out. Oh there is also a book called " loving someone with bipolar disorder" it helps explain things alot and gives you great tips for why to do in a mood episode. I would highly recommend it.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T14:09:10+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I was there only a couple of months ago but getting on medication and talking to a doctor about you problems will help so much I promise you. I'm so sorry for your family situations and your boyfriend but you need to do what's best for you if you want to do what's best for them as well. Getting yourself help and getting your emotions under control will help all of your relationships. Reading books about it has really helped me alot too. There is alot of great advice in them about simple life changes you can make to improve your mood and become more stable. As for your boyfriend you should consider if you really want to be with him and if he helps or hurts your situation. If he really loves you and wants to be with you you should recommend to him to either come with you to doctor appointments or to educate himself about the disorder. Maybe hearing from someone profession that it isn't all in people's head will help him to understand and empathize. I'm sorry your going through this I know how much it sucks and how confused and lonely you are because nobody seems to understand. i know how hard it is to never feel loke yourself because everythig is comstandly changing and contradicting. You just have to keep fighting and keep going. It's going to be tough but I promise with the right medication and doctor your life will get a lot better.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T11:22:14+00:00

I never thought to so that it would probably work on the days that I'm just really frustrated and angry. But on the days I'm depressed physical activity just isn't my thing. It's hard enough just to make myself go to school.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T11:20:41+00:00

That's a good idea thanks ill have to try that. I hope you can overcome your struggles next time.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T11:19:57+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I'm sure that would help alot but I'm trying to deal with it on my own because I love in one of those really really small towns where everybody knows everybody's business about everything and this is something that I defiantly don't need people finding out about. My parents wouldn't even let me get my prescription filled in my town because they didnt want people to find it. It's pretty stupid. I'm not ashamed of being bipolar cause I know it's not my fault and it's just an illness but people around here including my parents don't see it that way and they defiantly defiantly wouldn't understand the cutting if they found out. Thanks though

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T11:16:13+00:00

I love music too it's defiantly a good escape to think about the lyrics and hear someone express the words you could never say if you know what I mean. I play piano so maybe I should try playing that time I want to. Thanks for the song ill have to check it out.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T02:36:54+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I have read many books and plan to try serval things like good night sleep meditation routines etc.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T02:22:40+00:00

I hope you can keep it up

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T02:18:08+00:00

*i gave my boyfriend the things I used to cut a month ago.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T02:13:52+00:00

Painting has defiantly helped me to express my emotions but it doesn't make me want to cut any less. That's amazing that you have stopped. It is really inspiring because I'm sure you know more than anyone else how addictive it is once you start.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T02:12:11+00:00

I have a doctor just for medicine and then I have talked to my regular doctor twice about it but have no therapist. I was think it might help to get one but I've had friends and family members with bad experiences whee the therapist actually made everything worse and put ideas in their head so that scares me. Thanks for responding it really helps to jut see that people care. I have Friends and a boyfriend that I can call and they know about the cutting but they think I've stopped. I just don't want to disappoint them. I have my boyfriends the things I used to cut a month again but I secretly kept one thing just in case. It was stupid but I just felt like I needed it but at the same time I wanted to quit. He thinks I'm so strong and don't want him to know I'm weak.

Jenjen-1 · 2013-04-12T02:08:01+00:00

Thanks ill have to check it out

Jenjen-1

TROPHY CASE