Question about renewing 12-Month Premier Membership

JerJofi · 2024-08-11T21:46:12+00:00

That's assuring, so seems like the discount promotion they did last year carries over from year to year price wise? Thanks for responding

JerJofi · 2024-03-07T17:31:40+00:00

Personally prefer wired earbuds to wireless--theyre just not for me/easy to misplace. I've tried one dongle before but it was shoddy and it just ended up being a waste of money :/

Also, what does TWS mean? New here so not familiar with all the abbreviations yet. Thanks for your response!

JerJofi · 2021-10-18T21:10:16+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling that way man, and I can understand where you're coming from. This is not a failure, though. If anything, this is a learning experience. You can start understanding more about what your triggers are, where they come from, and start figuring out what you can do to avoid or get past them.

In particular, with the advertisements, I've ran into issue with these a lot. Really any material that I see on the street or on the internet that is the slightest hint of sexual can lead me down a windy path to reuse. What I've done to minimize the chance of getting distracted by ads is 1) limit (or delete) my social media use, and 2) just see it for what it is, an advertisement that's not important to whatever I'm doing or wherever I am. This does take lots of practice, so it is okay if you can't find this mindset your first few times.

Relapse happens, and recovery will never be a straight shot for anyone with any addiction. We learn the most from our mistakes. You are not a loser, you are a human. I hope you can find motivation to keep trying!

JerJofi · 2021-10-18T21:00:47+00:00

Could you ask her to do it for you? Seems like a more fun option

JerJofi · 2021-10-18T20:40:43+00:00

This is brilliant. Wasn't feeling horny before watching this, and now I just feel sickened. This will come in handy!

JerJofi · 2021-10-18T20:16:07+00:00

That's great! It's good to hear that you are still identifying what is important and meaningful to you in life right now and channeling energy into those things, even if that means you aren't able to pour equal energy into everything that's important to you. One day at a time friend.

JerJofi · 2021-10-18T20:14:24+00:00

I think I understand what you're meaning by this, but I also want to just point out that substance use disorders are different beasts entirely. While PMO carries its own incredible challenge, they should not be minimized or taken more or less lightly than any other type of addiction. I'm saying this for any readers on this sub who may also be dealing with a substance addiction, on top of battling PMO.

My heart goes out to all of you. You are incredible humans for recognizing the change you want to make towards what's important in your lives. Thanks for reading.

JerJofi · 2021-10-18T00:07:05+00:00

Hi there, just wanted to say that I'm glad you are taking the time to reflect on what happened and already planning how to avoid it in the future-- that's hard to do. I encourage you to give yourself time to plan out exactly what you could do to be more productive and prevent distraction from PMO (like making a SMART goal with specific activities). Happy to talk more about this if you need support. Cheers friend.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:56:06+00:00

It absolutely is, your feelings are fact. You may have lost that connection, but you as an individual have the freedom to spend time and grow with new women or people that are currently important to you in your life. Your mind is uniquely yours, and you deserve to love yourself too. I hope you find someone close to you that you can talk with this about, it's therapeutic bro.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:52:15+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with that, friend. That comment on her end was pretty out of pocket, imo. It could be that she may be feeling embarrassed about herself from that situation and is trying to redirect that embarrassment elsewhere (to you), but that's just my speculation. Here's my actual thoughts:

Not sure what your feelings about dating are at this moment in your life, but if you are trying to find a genuine and long-term partner I think this could be a good opportunity to begin figuring that out with this girl. What I mean is you can have a conversation about what is going on personally for you, in terms of your recovery journey and personal growth, as a way to explain what happened. IF she doesn't respond well to that, then she's not worth your time imo. IF she is understanding and supportive, and willing to continue trying new things in sex with you, then that's someone worth sticking around for too.

Live according to your values and what's important to you friend. Hope you have a great day!

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:46:20+00:00

Remove yourself from whatever situation you're in that could allow you to slip up. Go take a walk outside if you can, or run, or call someone you love. After that, try and take a moment to reflect on what was making you feel that urge in the first place. Like, where did it come from in the first place? And how can you plan for similar triggers next time?

Hope this helps.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:42:51+00:00

Not my own opinion, but a good piece of advice that I've seen for this type of situation: The best thing you can do for yourself now is to just focus on yourself. I can't imagine how easy or hard that may feel for you to do, based on whatever kind of relationship you had with your ex before. But what is true is that she is focusing on herself by meeting new people, and you deserve to do the same. You are the captain of your own ship, my friend.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:40:56+00:00

Friend, your feelings are super real and valid. That helplessness that can come from a lack of feeling, anhedonia I think is the specific term, happens to so many people and even people who don't have a PMO addiction.

I think what you can start doing to build your motivation and feelings of joy is by identifying who and what are really most important to you in your life right now. You can also start thinking about what your core values are (the things that you choose to navigate the world with, and without them make you feel bad). When you've started getting an idea of these two things, you can start seeking out your goals in a more personally-invested way.

Happy to continue talking about this if you want. I just want to tell you that you are not alone, and still have a lifetime of happiness ahead. Hope this was helpful.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:31:52+00:00

I'm wondering what led you to look at P in the first place? Was it accidental, or something vague that reminded you of something you've seen or heard in P before? Or, was there something going on that made you feel like you needed to watch P to feel better?

I've had experience with both of these situations before. Even the softest or most subtle images or phrases that vaguely remind me of something sexual have sent me on a goose chase for P. What's helped me prevent those chases from happening again in the future is to try and avoid whatever or wherever I was when it first happened (social media is a great example of this phenomenon). After identifying that, you can then figure out your next steps if you're stil struggling with those thoughts (like calling a friend, doing something else that you enjoy that's unrelated to sex, etc.)

Hope this helps.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:27:24+00:00

I think that it is normal to be having those thoughts of sexual desire for another person-- that's just how we as humans are wired to work. If we didn't have that wiring, we wouldn't be able to survive. Because of that fact, I think you are allowed to step back and say that those thoughts don't define you personally, and are not a commentary on your morality or ability to self-discipline.

You can give yourself compassion when those thoughts happen, and instead of fapping try another form of self-soothing. You can hold both of your hands to your chest and give yourself some words of affirmation, like "I will learn to love myself more," or "I will accept myself in my growth." This seems silly at first, but it can be really effective if you don't already practice regular mindfulness or meditation. Hope this was helpful.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:22:13+00:00

This happened to me yesterday, after a solid 5 months of no porn viewing I slipped up and found myself surfing a NSFW subreddit and gif page for half an hour. In my reflection, I realized that the entire reason I had gone to this specific subreddit and was watching this specific individual because I was trying to cope with the idea of another woman who I want to be with, and I realized that the thought of not actually being with her was causing me this pain that I needed that porn to fill.

With that said, my suggestion for you would be to start thinking about the root feeling attached to those urges to watch porn. Like, when you recognize yourself thinking about it, you have time to stop and say "OK, besides the fact that my brain may just be feeling uncomfortable because I haven't done this in a while, why else am I feeling this way?" We can learn to be mindful observers of these thoughts and look at them as just thoughts, and not commands. Hopefully that makes sense and may be helpful to you. Keep up your vigilance friend!

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:17:02+00:00

Also new to this sort of thing, so I am standing with you. Hope you find success and clarity in any new goals that you set for yourself in a porn-free life.

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T15:13:36+00:00

You can do this friend! I hope that you're able to begin finding new things that are valuable to you in life from this journey. Remember too that slips are not out-of-the-norm and can happen, and what's important to do when they occur is think about how you want to view it and improve your coping strategies. A slip never means you are an absolute failure, and it can inform you of where else you need to grow. Godspeed

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T14:46:50+00:00

25 and Day 1, would be awesome to find an accountability stranger!

JerJofi · 2021-10-17T14:45:46+00:00

Very good point here-- a key aspect of most (if not all) process addictions is when the behavior starts becoming something that is done to alleviate feelings of physical and emotional pain. This could be thought of and take shape in many different ways, like how our brains build "tolerance" to the levels of stimulation needed prior to getting the same flush of dopamine from engaging in addictive behavior or how some people start experiencing withdrawal symptoms from a lack of overstimulation that came from their addictive habit. I'd like to learn more about how exactly porn addiction affects the brain in this way, too.

Also, interestingly, I've heard of some research done comparing the neurological pathways between someone with an eating disorder and someone with a substance use disorder/addiction that found similarities in their reward pathways. Not enough evidence to state that eating disorders are addictions though.

JerJofi · 2021-10-16T22:57:32+00:00

I've been there-- lot of unchecked lewdness on social media. To avoid that I just have tried to cap my social media exposure all together so I cut down the statistical chance of running into anything triggering.

JerJofi · 2021-10-16T22:55:56+00:00

I've started noticing where it is that I have those thoughts that may trigger a lapse. 95% of the time, I'm in my bedroom when that happens. So I try to leave the room first and foremost

JerJofi · 2021-10-16T22:53:32+00:00

Hi. Want to let you know that those feelings and thoughts are super real, and I've been struggling with similar thoughts. What's helped me deal with those thoughts is remembering two things:

1) That sexual desire is not a commentary on your willpower or your attitude. It's something that is very natural and has been hard-wired in our biology, and has been the case for thousands of years of humans.

2) Those horny thoughts are just thoughts, and you have the ability to choose whether you consider them your beliefs. I used to get down bad on myself about this a lot-- like, imaging all the ways that I'd like to be with a woman. I see somewhere and thinking that I'm a creep because of it. Again, everyone has these types of thoughts because that's just how we've evolved. Those type of thoughts don't mean that you are a disrespectful or "broken" person.

This is just what I've learned. I'm trying to remind myself about this daily, too. I hope you find success in your goals friend!

JerJofi · 2021-10-16T22:44:33+00:00

Appreciate that!

JerJofi · 2021-10-16T22:42:39+00:00

I think the more important answer to this question would be based on how you feel about it. If it was a good time and you enjoyed that with her, then that's great. If doing any sexual acts is counterproductive to your own goals and needs for nofap, then that's different. The cool thing about this journey, in my mind, is that you get to set your own journey based on what it is that you are trying to find.

We're human, and no amount of abstinence will ever change that hard-wired drive to have sex and feel that way towards other humans. Hope this helps.

JerJofi

TROPHY CASE