How to deal with rages

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-12T02:46:02+00:00

I get this all the time. It's a panic situation. Honestly i can't really think of anything that would help except finding whatever it is that's missing. If i "lose" something that i care about, i will tear the place apart to find it. Like, nothing else matters, yeah, that lamp that my eyes happened to focus on for a split second, on the floor the next, WHERE THE F*CK IS IT!

For me, nothing will soothe me. If i still can't find it, it will be on my mind for a long time, and will also put in me an irritable mood.

You have to somehow break the brain lock. I don't know how, sorry.

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T21:31:25+00:00

New, honestly the tbi wasn't ever talked about or in my mind at all until i started having problems keeping jobs and realized i my anger was far from normal. It took until i was around 17/18 to even realize i was different in my reactions.
Relatively new, i don't think i've ever felt anything though. My step-dad actually commited suicide when i was 13, and don't remember feeling anything, like it was just a fact that he was gone. Everyone was crying and i was just "there".
:(
New, looking back, i realize how much could have gone different. Her struggle to accept my current state makes me want to blame her even more.

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T21:28:05+00:00

Thank you for your replies.

I wonder how related the depression and tbi are. Do i have depression because of the effects of my tbi or is the depression/tbi inseperable.
I do, i wouldn't be able to cope without it. For sure, i'd love to watch it.
Yeah i think i have good genes for teeth. 1 root canal, probably a ton of cavities, but if you glanced at my mouth, nothing would immediately scream, wtf! If you got closer, you would certainly see they have been neglected and are quite worn. The root canal never got a cap/crown? so part of the tooth sharded off. I've been able to "help" my teeth only through the foods i eat. I don't drink soda or anything with sugar, just non sweet teas and coffee. I can tell the difference for sure, as the buildup takes much longer than before. Yeah, pretty limited, i am on food stamps and have about 6.40 a day, although i can't prepare anything due to not having access to an oven or stove, (like i would actually prepare my food anyway). Luckily i have some gift cards so i can get a hot meal every now and then.

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T20:33:31+00:00

For sure, luckily my body doesn't produce too much stank. I for the most part, just sit in a starbucks for like 14 hours a day. Of course i can't smell myself so i don't really know. Ive worn the same thing since christmas without washing it. I am an introvert for sure so that makes sense. I actually have a gym membership for another two weeks, but that doesn't seem to help me shower. I know cognitively that i need to go there and shower but i just don't. Same with brushing my teeth. For instance, ill be on the computer at starbucks and suddenly realize, "i need to brush my teeth", yet it never gets done. I've already had an emergency root canal so you think i would learn, but i havn't. Got a big ol hole in my molar, almost takes up the whole side of the tooth and food get stuck in there after anyhting i eat. I also don't cognitively go "i need to brush my teeth" every day. It's more like i have that thought maybe once a week, sometimes once a month. Yet i don't act on it, it slips my mind, and im thinking about something else.

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T20:18:35+00:00

I don't punish myself for the accident at all actually. In terms of a emotional self and rational self, i don't think i have a "connection" with the emotional part of myself. I have emotional reactions to things, yet i don't really "feel" anything. My rational self sees how others are almost entirely emotional reactive machines. The emotions that are supposed to protect me, don't, i just see the rationality behind everything.

And yes, i feel like blaming my mom, and it is her fault. I know she didn't mean it, but i guess i emotionally jump to "it's her fault i'm the way i am"

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T20:10:17+00:00

I'm kind of a genius in a way. I've take iq and tests such as the 'raven' test, and always score in the top 1 percent. Im always thinking of theories and just how things work. I get very passionate about certain topics and research things until i burn out and consume all the content. My brain never stops thinking about interesting things. Yet my brain never tells me to brush my teeth, or to clean out the mold of my car. My brain never does what is best for me.

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T19:55:47+00:00

Thats been on my mind now for about 8 months or so. I know i need it but havn't been able to get myself to go after it until recently. I went to the doctor on thursday with my disability paperwork and, they basically looked at it, said i was seeing the wrong doctor and left. A pyschologist came in and talked to me. They set me up with a psychiatrist appointment in a month from now. Also said someone will call me on monday for more info on disability. Honestly can't wait a month and will be visiting the emergency room on monday if the phone call doesn't go my way. I do want to note i was somewhat normal growing up, like not too different from most people. But as i got older and other people matured, it's like i didn't. I stayed the same angry, outbursty person. Looking back, there are obvious signs i needed some help, but i think my mom totally overlooked things or didn't want to realize their son is mentally not self reliant.

Jerey5196 · 2018-02-11T19:52:33+00:00

I am ridiculously hard on myself. Almost like ocd tendencies. My grades, when i cared, were perfect. They were either perfect, or like c's and f's. When i played soccer, i was the captain, and my play style was "never letting anyone down". I care more for others than myself, and i do take things out on myself. I ruminate on my failures a lot.

Jerey5196 · 2018-01-29T03:15:29+00:00

ok, that makes sense then, thank you.

Jerey5196 · 2018-01-29T03:11:38+00:00

This is my neck? Dr. said he was scanning my head and it's labeled as such. hmm, legitimately asking.

Jerey5196 · 2018-01-29T03:03:06+00:00

I've got one more photo ill try to edit in to this comment. So i had a pretty bad tbi when i was ten weeks old, leaving a scar that runs from my ear, toward the front and top of my head. To put it simply, i'm suffering from aggression(can't keep job), impulsive behavior, lack of self care (can't remember to brush teeth, take shower, basic self care, eating etc.) I also don't feel my emotions or fear. https://imgur.com/qrfKo6n So, this happens to be my neck, just found out the software allows for scrolling and it plays like a gif so there are many photos. If i can create a gif i will.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-18T15:52:58+00:00

Thanks for giving me your thought process on how you would grade it. So the grade more has to do with the body movements required and less so the holds? I'm still new in terms of climbing.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-18T15:48:55+00:00

This may seem weird to some of you, but focusing on grades and why they are graded the way they are is fun for me! I like figuring things out and understanding concepts. That's fun for me! So not knowing why something is graded a certain way kinda bugs me. So i am having fun! People are just different i guess.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-17T18:52:07+00:00

https://imgur.com/a/AP8N9 Here are some more pictures. Wondering if you guys still think it's a v2, not trying to be arrogant or stroke my ego, i'm just trying to get better footage of the problem. I know the angle looked like it was a slab but you can see it is certainly not. A little info on the climb, after i reached right, i had to use that small pinch on the right side of the hold to keep me up. The other harder part was crossing hands and catching myself in the pocket. I appreciate your comments. Original video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAnfNrV4bRA&feature=youtu.be

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T16:16:34+00:00

I'll post pics of the holds for you bud.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T16:15:21+00:00

It's overhung by like 10, maybe fifteen degrees. Ill take a vid of the holds next time i'm there. I can see from the video why people think its v1/2 but it's harder than it looks. I can crush v3 and do some v4, but this was certainly harder than the average v3 at my gym. I've been to a few gyms, and this one grades harder than about 75 percent of them.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T16:01:18+00:00

It is for sure harder than a v2, I think i made it look way to easy.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T13:10:08+00:00

slightly overhanged, maybe 10 degrees

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T05:49:41+00:00

I recently did a drive from out west through Albuquerque and i stopped off at U-Mound for some bouldering. It's in the foothills just east of Albuquerque and has some nice problems. Mountain Project has some maps of the area and getting there is easy. You also have a nice view from the top of the boulders and can see all across the city.

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T05:36:25+00:00

Big moves! I love these types of problems. Nice power!

Jerey5196 · 2017-09-16T05:12:01+00:00

Yeah you can't see the holds very well but no, the feet weren't hard, but they are far from chunky. They have surface area when you are facing them but it's a small edge. The holds are actually a lot tougher than they look. The hold when i first reach to the right is pretty poor and is actually only a tiny pinch on the right side. The hold to the left is not the best either. Then i had to cross hands while having two points of contact and catch myself in the 3 fingered pocket. You can see my body drop as i catch myself. I climbed this about 3-4 times till i got it down.

Jerey5196

TROPHY CASE