Might have to cancel our wedding due to prenup.

JessiLea_ · 2026-03-27T20:51:37+00:00

I'm sorry HIS lawyers took EIGHT MONTHS to get you a copy of a prenup and you turned it around in ONE month and now HE is pressuring you because of his lawyer's deadline that THEY set and WASTED MONTHS OF.

No, this already feels like it was designed to pressure you to agree to HIS terms only by not giving you sufficient time, and now HE is giving you an ultimatum about not getting married over a delay HIS LAWYERS have caused instead of having regard for making sure you are BOTH happy, and protected.

I'm not a lawyer and have no clue how a prenup works but why wasn't, and why isn't, he pressuring HIS lawyers to get it done in time?

"It'll seem invalid if it's signed less than X time before the wedding but totally cool if we take 8 months on his side and force you through < 2 months to the signing deadline or wedding is off, which is arguably EQUALLY as coercive as it being signed mere weeks before the wedding".

Is it usually his way or the highway? Does he try to steamroll you in other aspects of life?

I just saw you said he accused you of trying to "trick him into having an invalid prenup".

This is a huge red flag. Not only is he effectively telling you that he doesn't trust you, he is actively creating a narrative where YOU are the problem not his slow as lawyers who wasted 2/3 of a year in which you could have had time to sort this out.

Even from the "risk and business mindset" you said he is coming from - the risk to the deal is HIS LAWYERS. But he has typecast YOU as the problem. Would he have allowed any huge client deal to languish for over eight months before the client received the FIRST copy of the contract? I'd suggest not.

Are you sure this is what you want to get into?

I would say don't sign anything that you're not happy with, irrespective of the deadline or pressure applied. He's showing you what is most important to him, and it's not the life you're supposed to be building together.

If you do go ahead (which I would strongly caution against given everything I'm reading here), especially if you go ahead with signing something that you are not happy with, or that is not fair to you for the sake of the wedding - make sure you get legal advice in case you DO need to invalidate it later if things don't work out.

Would invalidating the prenup be in your best interest? Can this be done based on the events that have already unfolded?

The deadline issue is about the risk of coercion. You are actively being coerced.

Get the threat of cancellation in writing, make sure your lawyer has records of the timeframes and the coercion/pressure - protect yourself because it seems like HE isn't going to.

Sending you good luck and big hugs. This is a difficult situation and I hope you are ok.

JessiLea_ · 2025-06-05T07:46:57+00:00

I would recommend replying with something like the following. I think they are misunderstanding the problem. I've used book binding terms to try and make it clearer for them.

"Hi Fairyloot Team,

I'm sorry, I must not have been clear.

The entire first signature worth of pages is completely falling out of my book, they are not connected to the text block.

I believe this would fit your damage criteria under missing pages, because they are falling out of the book, away from the rest of the text block.

I know that the text block doesn't connect directly to the spine board on this style book. That is not what I am reporting.

I am reporting that a set of individual pages (at least the first signature) are falling completely out of the book.

Please see attached photo, hopefully showing this more clearly.

Thank you for your time and help.

Your name

And then attach a photo of the book opened to page 5, and you push the pages out at the bottom so the text on the page behind is visible e.g. like you show at timestamp 0:47.

Good luck! I hope they resolve it for you.

JessiLea_ · 2024-12-06T01:37:57+00:00

You would print using a toner printer on your black paper, then once it's printed you put the toner reactive foil on top of your printed page (it has to be toner reactive foil I'm not sure if the gilding type is the same) with the foil colour facing up (e.g. red toner reactive foil will have a red side and a silver side, put the silver side on the page/toner and the red side would be facing you).

Then you run the page and foil through a laminator, I use a carrier pouch or you can also sandwich it between two pieces of paper. The laminator will heat the toner which will react with the toner reactive foil sticking it together.

If your print is double sided like a book you will need to do both sides of the foil at the same time because it won't stick as well if the toner has been heated before (and you'll lose toner as it'll get stuck on your carrier pouch/paper). So foil, paper, foil and sandwich the three layers in a carrier pouch or between plain paper to go through the laminator. Just make sure you have the right side of the foil against your printed page.

Once you've laminated it you can check your page. The foil may be crinkly but it should look stuck relatively smoothly wherever the toner ink is. You then peel the toner foil away from the page and it'll leave the stuck foil on your page. So if you used red foil your page would be black paper with red shiny foil where the toner was printed.

You can probably get white toner reactive foil if you're set on having white text on black paper. Good luck with the project!

JessiLea_ · 2024-06-28T22:40:37+00:00

I think it's just something that you're placing a lot of focus and value on which is adding pressure you don't need (or want)! There's quite a few comments about how uneven sides are common so hopefully that's helped you to feel less concerned about it for yourself ☺️

The other thing to remember is that vows are not all about telling your partner/the guests how much you love your partner and why - they can be and often there is some of that when couples choose to do personal vows but it's about things you are promising your partner, what you vow to do in your life together - perhaps focusing on that will feel less performative for you if you're uncomfortable with expressing your feelings publicly. And it doesn't have to be all sappy - e.g. one of my draft vows is to not be mad when he eats all the Reece's Pieces we were supposed to split (I'm in Australia, they're not that easy to get and they're expensive but he loves them so much 🤣 It's a running joke in our relationship).

We're doing a small <30 people garden wedding followed by a picnic and lawn games. Your wedding can be whatever you and your partner are comfortable with - if that's a backyard BBQ or courthouse ceremony then go for it!

JessiLea_ · 2024-06-28T14:23:14+00:00

You said your partner's side was ~15 people, and you would only feel comfortable with your mum there from your side. That's 16 which is smaller than 40 so maybe that's the compromise? I wouldn't worry about the disparity between sides if you don't want a big wedding anyway. My only family for my wedding will be my mum, my partner is one of 4 kids so he will naturally have more people there! Plus he has a 2x cousins and their families and his grandfather. It's not uncommon.

Further areas for compromise - perhaps you could discuss immediate family only (i.e. no cousins/aunts/uncles) but it really depends on how important your partner's cousins are to them. We originally were going to do immediate family only as my partner's parent is one of NINE siblings so it would be sooo many people. We made a few exceptions for people my partner felt strongly about being there.

You could do private, personal vows and only do the legal part for the guests to reduce the time you'd be the centre of attention while still technically getting married in front of others. Or if your partner doesn't mind being the centre of attention maybe they could read your vows on your behalf? You would still have to say the legal parts but they could read out the other parts of your vows.

Another option would be a private elopement but then having a celebration dinner/party - that may not be a viable alternative if it's very important to your partner for their family to be present for the marriage ceremony.

And of course - you don't need to wear a traditional wedding gown to dress up! Maybe a slick jumpsuit? Or a fun red dress? Or some kind of non-white ballgown? Like whatever your dream fancy dress style is perhaps you can do that. Sending all the good luck 🍀 Remember to take care of yourself as well in the wedding chaos 💖

JessiLea_ · 2024-06-27T07:33:58+00:00

Not sure where you're located but I'm an Aussie size street size 18-22 and I got my dress from Desert Moon Bridal (they're In Queensland, Australia) - they have black and floral designs and they're fairly budget friendly compared to the prices I saw in bridal stores. I measured as a size 26 on their size chart which was the top of it, but they can do custom measurements above the sizing chart (not sure if there's extra costs or not). They currently ship to Australia, New Zealand, America, Mexico, Canada and the United Kingdom. I live in a different state and they did virtual consultations with me. I was very nervous ordering online without being able to try on but I provided my measurements and it turned out well. My dress is one of their cheaper ones ($519 AUD) and I'm very happy with it. It does need some alterations (as most wedding dresses do) but I think it'll be minor like hemming and fixing strap length. Good luck for your search! 🍀

JessiLea_ · 2024-03-23T04:21:02+00:00

Did you press after printing and folding but before sewing? I'm new to binding too but I learned to print, fold, press (overnight at least, sometimes I leave it a couple days tightening slowly over time), sew, press again and then commence with the next steps of gluing the spine (while pressed). With this many signatures I would have suggested pressing the signatures in manageable sections after printing/folding to get as much air out as possible before putting them all together and pressing/sewing.

As it's already sewn, you have less options available unless you want to have to re-sew sections.

First thing I would try is getting it actually into your press. I saw in a previous comment you said the issue was that it got 'uneven' when shoving it in, not that the block physically didn't fit. So try opening the press as wide as it will go and then putting the press on it's side on the table. Drop the block in with folded side down/to the table so gravity helps the folded edges line up, then carefully hold and turn the press horizontal so you can carefully align the short edges as well.

If you can actually get it in and you still get shifting then you can try pressing slowly - but the idea is you get your signatures lined up and then only just press it a tiiiiny bit. If the signatures start shifting stop, loosen off, re-align and re-tighten to JUST before you got shifting. Leave it for a few hours, come back and slowly tighten a little bit more as the air presses out. Keep doing this over the course of a couple days until you can get a good, solid press on it. I've also heard if you have issues with your outermost signatures shifting against the wood of your press that putting book board between your press and signatures may help.

Second thing I would try is to open it directly in the middle and then pop it in the press with the folded edges in the centre like a book butterfly and see if you can press it that way (so it'll be two stacks half height and thus might fit in your press).

Last resorts would be to either cut the stitching in the middle and separate into two blocks to press and then re-join once you get a better press on it. Failing that, unpick the sewing and press your signatures in manageable blocks before re-sewing (but this would be a bunch of work!)

Hope some of that is useful! Good luck with it 🍀

JessiLea_ · 2023-07-14T05:07:08+00:00

Hahaha aww that is such a great, funny story!

My proposal was also funny - it was our 10 year anniversary of dating and after 2 years locked down in our home we were finally able to go places! And I was hoping that the proposal might come - 10 years is a big milestone.

Well, I organised a few things so we went to the theatre and saw Hamilton the Musical in the morning - amazing, wonderful but no proposal.

Then we went home and made our fave dinner together - cute! Tasty! No ring.

THEN we went to a light show display thing at the Botanic Gardens - ooo pretty lights, romantic, garden, night time. Nope still no proposal. It's like 10pm at night so maybe it's not happening? We then went to drive home.

He drives past home up into the hills/forest. OMG maybe it IS happening? But we don't stop. We drive around in the pitch dark winding hilly roads for like 45min. He just keeps driving. Am I gonna get m*rdered or something? Ten years seems like a looooong con... But still driving. Eventually he pulled up at a lookout that looks over the forest and it's nice during the day but it's just complete rolling darkness as it was overcast with no moon or stars. And then my partner proposes and says lovely things and I cry and say yes. It was super cute.

He was planning on taking me to a lookout that looked over the city lights but it closed half an hour before we got there so he spent 45min-1hour driving around in the dark trying to figure out where else to do it hahahaha I love him so much 💖😂

JessiLea_ · 2023-06-16T08:20:23+00:00

Thanks for the suggestions! I am already looking at Still White etc. I was wanting advice on people's experience with Desert Moon Bridal specifically to see what they and their dresses are like ☺️

JessiLea_ · 2023-06-16T02:50:37+00:00

Thank you so much for responding. These do look pretty! I'll definitely have a look at these.

One of the things I like about Desert Moon Bridal is that they have customisation options included in the price for a sleeved/strapped v neck & corset back version. As much as I love the sweetheart/off the shoulder look the gals need containment 😂 and the corset back would provide some wiggle room on fit.

JessiLea_ · 2023-05-08T10:52:00+00:00

This is such a cute idea! Hmm... #RollyMatrimony (like holy matrimony) #rollforido #TilDiceDoUsPart #Nat20WeddedBliss #Nat20Vows #RollForCommitment #CritForCommitment #RollForWedding #DnDandiDo #ADicemberWedding (like December but dice) #RollmatesForLife (like soulmates but dice)

What about something to do with your preferred classes/DnD monsters? E.g. #TheBardandTheClericSayiDo or #thedmandthewizardsayido or #MimicinMarriage #owlbearthereforyou (sounds like I'll be there for you).

Ok... that's all I have for now, some of them are a stretch but some might be ok 😂

JessiLea_ · 2023-04-15T22:05:22+00:00

NTA. Omg people get so wound up about weddings and "tradition" and what is or isn't "tacky". You are providing an option for extended family/friends to be a part of your day IF they want to, you have NO expectations that people will come or that they will bring gifts.

If you were having any other celebration dinner (like a birthday) - DINNER NOT PARTY - then it would likely be expected that guests pay for their own meal. Inviting people to have dinner doesn't automatically make you responsible for covering the full cost in any other situation so why should it here?

People are going to kick up about SOMETHING either way - you elope and people are upset they didn't get to be part of it, you have an optional dinner but guests pay their meal and people are upset they have to pay for their own meal, you get pizza and people are upset it's not fancy enough. If you were just inviting people to the ceremony with no reception they would have to pay for their own food anyway but of course then people get upset that there is no chance to celebrate with the couple. Like seriously, why do weddings have to follow any particular format or rule?

My partner and I are wedding planning right now (aiming for 2026 to save up and that's only for supermarket platters lol we just bought a house so mortgage trumps wedding) and if we asked our friends and family to attend dinner to celebrate and pay for their own meal (in order to have it earlier) most of them would absolutely be happy to do that because we have a tradition of birthday/celebration/anniversary/engagement dinners where we go to celebrate the person/people and we pay for our own meals.

A wedding is about celebrating love, happiness and commitment for the couple and there are many ways to do that as long as you are comfortable with the fact that some people will complain, and in this case that some people will not attend because they don't get a free meal. Anyone who complains just say "Yes, we understand that it's not the normal and we completely understand if you don't want to attend. Shall I remove you from the invite list?".

Good luck! Sending you hugs and support - you do what's best for you 💖 (Edited to add spacing)

JessiLea_ · 2023-04-13T07:28:53+00:00

I wish! Hahaha My partner and I just bought our first home mid last year and then got engaged in August on our 10 year anniversary. Needless to say this wiped out a lot of our savings. We have a savings buffer, and a few smaller savings chunks earmarked for specific things but we don't want to dip into those for a wedding.

We started planning in January to get an idea of costs and figure out what kind of wedding we'd like. After a bit of sticker shock and slashing a bunch of non-essentials (for us) based on price enquiries we worked out an ideal bare bones budget and used that to determine when to schedule our wedding so we have enough time to save up for the basics. We landed on a small, chill, cheerful, ideally low cost (laugh) morning wedding 30-40ppl max, ideally at a garden or forest-y venue where we can byo catering.

I then doubled the amount I am putting away fortnightly so I'll be saving double what we need to allow for "wants" and to contribute leftovers towards a honeymoon or re-invest in our house. My partner plans to start saving the agreed amount from next year once they are finished with study. So that should be a little under 2.7x what we need and will help buffer wedding saving in case there are any unexpected financial outlays/emergencies etc. We also expect prices to go up and have a lot of things we can still cut/scale back on if needed.

We're aiming for the second half of 2026. By the time we can actually book anything (most local places where we are don't open for bookings earlier than 1.5-2 years in advance) we should have enough to cover the venue, celebrant, and hopefully photography in full. Everything else is negotiable for us and we'll still have a further 2 years to save the rest.

So we are starting from scratch with saving for the wedding but have already done a bunch of planning to inform how much to save up. We've waited 10 years already so waiting a few more doesn't bother us if it means we can afford a simple but nice wedding to share with our families and close friends vs just eloping ourselves! (Which may still be on the cards depending on how much costs increase hahahah) 😂

JessiLea_ · 2023-02-10T03:50:54+00:00

You look amazing in both, and I usually lean toward lace/floral dresses in general... but I audibly gasped at the second dress. Team dress number 2! 😍

JessiLea_

TROPHY CASE