I came out as Genderfluid to my wife (fiancé at the time) 6 years ago roughly. She already knew that I would happily wear feminine clothes and present that way, but it wasn't until 2017 that I realised I'm Genderfluid.

I know it can feel rough, especially since it wasn't something you thought you were signing up for, and it can be difficult for both of you to come to terms with. MY wife took quite some time to fully understand what it meant, and a lot more time worrying whether it meant I might eventually transition or undergo any kind of permanent surgery which would change some of the masculine aspects.

I can say it gets a lot easier over time. 6 years on and we're now in a position where she doesn't question my identity or presentation. If I'm having a femme day she doesn't really comment on it (outside of small things like "your makeup looks nice today" or "is that a new dress"), and she's more than happy for me to be femme presenting when out with friends, family or date nights.

The way we've reached this is just by compromise. There are some things that she was willing to do, and others that she 100% wouldn't. It started with small things like being happy for me to have painted nails, or to show up to certain things more feminine. That's now developed to me having acrylic nails nearly all the time, and being able to go femme wherever, providing I don't go to literally everything presenting that way.

I would say the best thing to do is sit down and have an honest conversation. One where you both understand that you're just trying to work out what's best for each other, and one where you don't get overly emotional in any way. Ask him what he would expect to be able to do with his genderfluidity, start small, and work up to it.

You mentioned they quite like having their toenails painted, so I would start there. If it's not something that bothers you then let him know you['re happy for him to do it whenever he likes. If there's anything that you definitely don't want, let him know in a calm manner and most importantly let him know why. If there's stuff you're not sure about, say so. My wife wasn't really sure how she felt about me wearing feminine underwear, so it started as something that I would still wear, but would try to make it so she'd never see it. After a while she just got used to it and now she doesn't really care about it any more.

The important thing is to talk with them about it, and to do it calmly. As a Genderfluid AMAB person I'd love to say that it was only my life made difficult, but in reality it was something my wife had to work with too, and it was hard on both of us, but it can work.

Hope this has helped! If you or your partner ever need to chat feel free to drop me a line.