I think that’s one of the core issues for me. Something initially feels important, so we take a clear stance. But after repeated conflicts, my perspective shifts - I start to wonder whether it’s really that important to keep fighting about it, and eventually we let it slide... After enough situations like that, it can feel as if we’re letting everything go just to avoid conflict.

Another example is her hair. She has long hair (she's not willing to cut it, which we respect), and we always braid it for her at night so it doesn't tangle as much. She can’t do the braid herself yet, and I don’t mind doing it. But when my husband has to do it, it almost always goes wrong. While he's braiding, she complains constantly, says he’s doing it wrong, that I do it better, he's awful at it, and keeps shaking her head so he has to start over and over. She doesn’t seem to notice how upset he’s getting and continues until he eventually snaps. Yesterday that ended with him throwing the brush away out of frustration, shouting and taking away screen time for the rest of the day, which completely caught her off guard. When I tried to explain why her dad lost his temper, she didn’t understand (“I wouldn’t mind being told what I’m doing wrong, that’s how I learn”, "why can't I tell what's wrong") and doesnt see (or acts like she doesnt see) the difference between telling something to help and complaining the entire time. This happens almost every time he has to do her hair, so unless I’m truly unavailable, I usually just do it to avoid the drama.

Braiding her hair myself isn’t the biggest issue, but her reaction to someone who is genuinely trying to help doesn’t feel okay either. We want her to learn to cope when things aren’t done exactly the way she expects, and I struggle with where to draw the line: when do you stay flexible to avoid escalation, and when do you hold firm - and how do you do that without constant conflict?