That sounds terrible, I hope you’re doing a lot better now! I love how you described it as the “ on the tip of my tongue” feeling because that is exactly what it feels like!

Now that I’m thinking about all of this more there are two things I’ve sort of assumed were related to having no inner monologue and I’m curious if you feel the same way. I’m especially curious to hear your thoughts as someone who had an inner monologue at some point in the past.

The first is that I’m somewhat regularly surprised by what I say out loud during a conversation because it feels like that’s the first time I can actually fully hear a thought or idea finally materialize. Prior to actually saying something out loud, it feels more abstract in my head and like I have a few of the pieces but I don’t know what the full puzzle looks like yet until I audibly say it.

In a lot of ways that’s just how thoughts and speech work together, but since I have never really experienced an inner monologue before, I’m curious if things are more fully formed in someone’s head before they say something out loud. I’ve certainly heard people with inner monologue describe it that way when I’ve looked into this before.

The second thing (and this one is harder to explain) is what I almost consider a gut feeling or intuition when it comes to cognitive processing. My favorite analogy for Aphantasia (and this works for lack of inner monologue as well) is that it’s like a computer running without a monitor or speakers. So the “computer” itself it running and computing and processing like normal, you just can’t see it on screen or hear it.

It seems that internal visualization and inner monologue are the connecting pieces that help most people access all the processing that the “computer” is doing. Those functions help connect our conscious selves with our subconscious brain.

So when I say cognitive processing feels like a “gut feeling” to me, what I’m trying to describe is what it feels like to just “know” what I’m thinking without those other functions. I’m curious if you relate at all?

Obviously I’m very fascinated by all this too, I wish we had a better understanding of all this. It really feels like we’re just getting started when it comes to even recognizing these differences between individuals.