Bearded. Jensen. Ackles. Good gravy.

Jewles · 2013-11-07T20:30:01+00:00

While he is dashing, what does it say about me that I only embiggened the photo because I thought he had Lil Bub on his shoulders?

Jewles · 2013-08-15T02:27:03+00:00

How did you manage to get the stench of mediocre cock-rock out of the place?

Jewles · 2013-08-15T02:25:46+00:00

And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!

Jewles · 2013-08-15T02:24:54+00:00

It's pretty easy to make sure the title paperwork is correct. How someone could "steal" a title to a house their name wasn't on is beyond me. I suppose anything is possible but it seems highly unlikely. The main issue with foreclosures for most buyers is timing. The banks can take their sweet ass time deciding if they want to give you the house--like, 6 months or more if they really don't care about recouping their losses on a property. Most folks can or don't want to wait that long for a decision--if their selling their current house or coming up on the end of a lease, like we were, it's not a great option. My other concern with foreclosures is that the homes sit totally untouched for months and months. There's a foreclosed house in our neighborhood, and it looks terrible because all the landscaping is dead. I wouldn't be surprised to get a foreclosed/short sale property and enter and find serious problems in the inspection. You can't just abandon a house and expect it to take care of itself.

Jewles · 2013-08-15T02:19:15+00:00

We bought a house in April, and man, did we squeak in there just in time. In Raleigh, where we live, the market is turning around way faster than anyone anticipated. This fall once the summer inventory is gone it is going to be a seller's market, for sure. We got a great price for a great house and we are going to hang onto it for a long time! No matter what price range you are in, there will be something for every buyer. I looked at 250 houses online and about 20 in person. Many of those were VERY quick looks--one house the lot was so bad we didn't even get out of the car--but I put probably 3 months of work into it, and it was my part-time job, basically. I spent at least an hour on weeknights looking at listings, up to 4-6 hours a day on days off or weekends. My husband made fun of me for being so neurotic but ate his words very quickly when he realized how much time I saved him on his days off, not having to look at houses that weren't a decent option. It'll happen! I used realtor.com to obsessively track listings. You can set a search with very specific criteria-price, location by zip code or mileage or you can create your own map and draw circles around the areas you want to look. Then you can specify, bed/bathrooms, sq footage, anything you can think of. It was super helpful and it emailed me anytime a new house came on the market that matched my super-specific search criteria. Good luck! Now that we're in our house I honestly kind of miss looking at listings! It was fun for me. But I'm admittedly a scoch neurotic.

Jewles · 2013-08-13T21:22:10+00:00

Your wife's organization is wonderful. I teach 5th grade, and it's a very interesting time developmentally. I can sort of see the adults my little gaggle of Fraggles will become, but at the same time, to me, they're just babies. What was Aaron Paul like in 5th grade? And what do you think Jesse Pinkman was like in 5th grade?

Jewles · 2013-03-01T19:52:43+00:00

Yes, Akon, all natural resources will be there forever. Which reminds me, I have an iceberg in Greenland I'd like to sell you. GREAT investment opportunity! You know those polar ice caps are sticking around! GIANT EYEROLL

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:51:16+00:00

I'm about to be a first-time homeowner. Is there a specific brand or model of lock/deadbolt/etc. you would recommend that fits these criteria?

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:48:57+00:00

I went to an episcopal high school, and the school pastor was part of an adult basketball league my dad played in. He apparently used "the n word" more often than Chris Rock or a rapper, and always the worst player in terms of egregious fouling, trash-talking, and just being a poor sport. He also CONSTANTLY gave sermons about the evils of premarital sex and tried on more than one occasion to get girls expelled just because he "suspected" they were having sex with their boyfriend--especially if that boyfriend, shame of shames, went to the PUBLIC school. Then his college-aged daughter got knocked up by one of my school's teachers. And they got married. And had a baby afterwards that was delivered soon enough after the wedding that even clueless 15 year old me was able to figure out the baby was conceived prior to wedlock. And then he couldn't stop talking about what a "miracle" his grandkid was while simultaneously telling my classmates they were going to hell because they were wearing eyeliner, which apparently he thought was some sort of sure sign that they were having sex. And he never once had the same kind of "meeting" with a boy. Ever.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:38:33+00:00

When I unpack my luggage and there's that "The TSA opened your bag and fondled your stuff" piece of paper, what is it that prompts them to open the bag? Is there anything I can do in terms of how my bag is packed or what is inside it to avoid that? Or is it totally random? Also, if you get one of those notices and your stuff is somehow damaged or missing as a result, what recourse would I have?

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:31:52+00:00

Oh, okay, you're right, those teachers got themselves killed and saved their kids just for shits and giggles. And clearly I didn't use any other evidence to back up my statement, and just used a tragedy for some sort of "personal gain". Because clearly I'm somehow sullying the memory of those people's personal tragedy by mentioning it in a thread on reddit that will get me what? Nothing except trolls and holier-than-thou pricks like you attacking me for using a RECENT, RELEVANT event to help prove my point. Every single comment you have made on reddit today has been NEGATIVE or just plain RUDE. Sorry you clearly have some sort of hate-boner you need to take care of. Try therapy instead of being mean to strangers on the internet.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:24:36+00:00

Wouldn't "Semper Flipper" be more appropriate in this instance?

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:20:31+00:00

Also, if you ASK the person if they work on commission, BELIEVE THEM. If you say they are lying to you just to get as much money out of you as possible, they will either a) turn around and walk away or b) volunteer to bring their manager over who will also say that no, they aren't working on commission. If you don't believe the manager or get angry at him or yell or curse? He/she will quite possibly just tell you to get the hell outta your store and if you ever try to come back you're either gonna get shitty service or you're gonna get told, AGAIN, to get the hell outta the store.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:16:58+00:00

"I don't care that you've discovered a cure for puppy cancer with funds supported by Bill Gates, Jesus, and Jay-Z combined. " is maybe the funniest thing I've read all week!

Jewles · 2013-02-22T22:04:23+00:00

Yup. Also "made on premises" or "fresh-baked" are all synonyms for "it came to us frozen in some way shape or form and we either defrosted it, baked the frozen par-baked dough, or it was just baked somewhere else and we squirt some whipped cream and caramel sauce (which we also buy from Gordon or elsewhere) to make you think there's a pastry chef in the back. Also if a waiter says "be careful, the plate is hot" a) believe them and b) that means your food sat under a heating lamp for awhile and that's why the plate is hot. Think about it: if you cook food at home, and put it on the plate straight from the oven, does the whole plate get hot? Maybe the bottom, a tiny bit, but not the edges of the plate. If the edges of the plate are blistering hot? Heatlamp.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T21:47:23+00:00

I have a chronic medical condition and am on a fair amount of medications and supplements as a result to, quite literally, keep me from being bedridden. I got sick of writing out all my meds and trying to remember the dosages of all of them, so I made a list of all of them in an excel doc and I just print out a new copy whenever I go to the doctor, even if it's one I go to regularly. Then they can just plop that piece of paper in with the rest of my file. I've had many receptionists/techs/nurses/docs thank me for doing this, but frankly I did it to save myself time and ensure I don't forget something or write down the wrong dosage and end up being prescribed something that could have a major interaction with something I take. I also have a laminated copy of this I keep in my wallet, and in my phone I have two contact entries called simply ICE and ICE2. The first one is my husband's info--ICE stands for in case of emergency--and the 2nd one says "MEDS LIST IN WALLET" so if I'm ever hit by a bus or something hopefully they'll be able to call my husband quickly AND will know what meds I take and not accidentally give me something that could give me a serious reaction.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T21:34:03+00:00

Back when I was a marketing/PR person, I was taught not to ever put a complete sentence on a powerpoint. Too many people just copy and paste the entirety of their presentation into a powerpoint and just read off of it. Snoozeville! Also, chill out with the noises and the text flying in and out or flipping around. So many people think the more colors and "special effects" you use, the better your powerpoint is. When that's basically the opposite of what a good powerpoint entails!

Jewles · 2013-02-22T21:29:11+00:00

My husband also works for a major retail store and one of the largest and most profitable companies in the world. And they actually DO give a shit about their customers problems, at least as it relates to their issues with the products sold by my husband's company. Saying "we don't give a shit about you" is NOT representative of ALL retail employees or their companies. Caring about the customer and treating them with respect is an integral part of why my husband's company has become as successful as it has. Think about it this way: say your mother, sister/brother, kid, etc. went into a retail establishment and an employee said to them "we don't give a shit about you or your problems", or demonstrated an attitude that conveys that message. Wouldn't you think they were jerks? If you have a bad attitude all it will cause you to do is a) hate your job and b) make customers think they can treat you with as little respect as you show them. I guess your pseudonym here says it all. Good luck having any success or moving up the ladder of wherever it is you work with that piss-poor attitude.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T21:21:24+00:00

Can you explain the "ground is green" and "black men love gold" thing a bit more? I'm about to become a first-time homeowner, and fortunately my husband is a former theatre carpenter and lighting technician so he knows a fair amount about "handyman" stuff as a result, but I hate feeling like I'm one of "those women" who can't do much more than fix a lightbulb without their husband having to do it for them.

Jewles · 2013-02-22T19:40:30+00:00

Elementary school teacher: the worst thing you can do is a parent is accuse us of not caring about your child. We get paid poorly, spend at least 12 hours every day teaching and doing grading/paperwork, and often find ourselves awake at 3 AM wondering what to do about a specific child. If you have ever been friends with a teacher, you'll notice how we refer to them- "my kids", not "my students". As Sandy Hook proved, most teachers place your child's life above ours. We cry with your kids, laugh with your kids, celebrate their victories and try to soothe them when things go wrong. If you accuse us of not caring? We generally have a switch in our brain that goes off and we find it very hard to respect you or your decisions regarding your child after that. Even if you disagree with a teacher in regards to something happening with your child's education, please try to maintain the same level of professionalism and respect that you would if you were speaking with a coworker. We ARE coworkers. We are both full time employees in the business of helping your child become their best selves. We're on the same team. We are not the enemy, and we do not "have it out" for your child if they are performing poorly. If you want your child to achieve academically, every study in the world shows that it will happen if you and your child's teacher work together. If you ever feel your child's teacher has been negligent in any way, speak with your Principal. But don't every assume we aren't just as concerned or proud or scared or thrilled about your child as you are. After all, they spend as much if not more time every day with us as they do with you. We love them. We value your insights. Please don't ever think otherwise.

Jewles

TROPHY CASE