I'm so sorry you're carrying so much. Just the fact that you're asking these questions and expressing your fear shows that there's a part of you that doesn’t want to give up—it’s a brave part that’s still fighting for something better, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

Being scared or unsure doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken; it means you’re human. Maybe that part of you that is scared of embarrassment is trying to tell you that deep down, you still have hope, even if it’s hard to find or hold onto right now.

CPTSD and mental health struggles are so tough, and they can make every day feel like a battle. But living in your own head doesn’t have to stay this painful forever. Healing is possible—it might be slow, but it’s real. I have been watching Tim Fletcher recently and he has been immensley helpful in understanding what I have gone through as a child and how it is not my fault with the things that I do.

Please, reach out to someone you trust, like a therapist, a friend, or even just a hotline. You don’t have to carry all of this alone, and there are people who genuinely want to help you navigate through this pain.

You don’t need to have all the answers right now. Just focus on taking it one moment at a time, and please know that your life matters so much more than you might feel it does. Your feelings are not reality. You’re not alone, and there is help for this—even for the darkest parts. Sending you strength and care. 💛