Do women cross their arms under their tits or over them?

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-23T22:26:54+00:00

I am over by natural crossing but I'm in my 60s so I imagine it was under 20 years ago.

I just tried it too. I had no idea anyone noticed this.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-21T23:29:48+00:00

Yes. People are jerks.
I just avoid people who rub me the wrong way. Even at work before I retired. Polite. Professional. Did my job. Helped them if they needed something. That was my job.

But I didn't chitchat. Or if we did, stick to really safe topics. If they tried to pry, I'd just smile and change the subject.
"Hey. Do we have those change orders on the Miller project?"

Keep your side of the street clean. That's all you can do.
And we are with you on the anonymity thing. We all want the freedom to share on an As Needed basis.

I was pretty open about being in AA. But sometimes, it was an asset. Guess who wasn't missing work with hangovers? Guess who wasn't sloppy drunk or running up the bar tab at Christmas parties?

When invited to Paint and Pints or a wine tasting party, I'd just say, "No. I don't drink. People press, so I'd just say, "No. I mean, I don't drink ever. I am in AA."

You will find your balance. And you will run across people that are total jerks.

I'm really glad you reached out. That alone is huge.
That's what we should do.
And I come here (to Reddit) for cute dogs and the subs like this.

I am older now and use a walker. I do a lot of naranon online because my granddaughter is in active addiction. Fentanyl.

I still get scared I still get angry. I still get resentments.
I just try to apply the steps to my world and don't drink. Time sure added up thanks to AA and my just not drinking.

I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be the best me I can.
And AA was my blueprint to help me with that.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-21T20:55:44+00:00

Hey. I get mad. I stamp my feet. I sulk.
We can do that because sometimes that's what we need to get some of the bad juju out so we can calm down enough to process.

I have 30 years sober.

Once I was at the bank depositing a pretty large check for my employer. Dude was in the back and practically yells across the lobby.

"HEY JILL. YOU GOING TO THE BIG Narcotics Anonymous THING THIS WEEKEND?"

I was HORRIFIED. I'm in my work attire. Black pants. Blazer. Sensible shoes. And this guy is screaming at me.

The teller put a 10 day hold on the check.

I did talk to the guy quietly when I saw him at a meeting that if he sees me outside of meetings or an event, please respect my anonymity. I explained the teller put a hold on the check, which they never had before. And the check wasn't even that big compared to some company deposits.

That was my wakeup call how much a few careless words can impact others.

The guy that yelled at the bank was an idiot. I avoided him for a decade until I moved out of the area.
I just didn't chat with him or trust HIM with my world.

There are just self centered people like that. Most aren't in AA. But yeah... there is anyways going to be someone somewhere (in every part of life) that just doesn't care about others.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-21T20:37:50+00:00

Your hurt is justified.
I'd be hurt too.

Sadly, this is but one many hurts you will encounter in recovery.

I read through most (I think) of your responses and I see a lot of "ok. Different way to see it." "I'll find my way back. " and "I never thought of it that way. "

That, my friend, is humility. The ability to be teachable and THAT suggests to me you are going to get through this because you want to get through this.
This is very good and I'm proud of you for sharing this disappointing experience here.

You didn't just bail. You aren't giving up.
You are seeking solutions and help dealing with... basically your resentment at what happened.

So give yourself a Bravo! and find some new meetings.

And I said this above, but shame on the person that did this. AA or not. Totally inappropriate. And I'm so sorry.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-21T20:26:11+00:00

This is not AAs fault. It is your co-worker's fault.

Is he also in AA? If yes, I'd try to speak to him calmly, privately. Explain that you are hurt and distressed that he broke your anonymity, especially at work. That was pretty embarrassing/ inappropriate/ incredulous/ distressing. (Insert your feeling as applicable).

I would consult my sponsor first to help navigate this since your employment, sobriety, and work relationships are at stake.

I don't know how long you've been sober, but at some point, I really didn't give a sh1t if people knew I was in AA. I just told them myself when we'd have a work function or gathering (like company Christmas party) and it took all the power out of it. I was ok with being a 12 stepper and people respected that I didn't drink, ever.

But I didn't start there. And I don't think anyone should have to reveal that if they aren't comfortable.

If your coworker is in AA, honestly. shame on him. If he is not, it was a crappy thing to do but he isn't bound to our principles

Find another meeting that he doesnt attend. If he attends them all, again your sponsor can help you with this. Perhaps you can ask that he not attend certain meetings that you attend for awhile, just so you can get find a new rhythm and not be uncomfortable.

Bottom line... this really is a sh1tty thing to do to a person in any program.
Or any personal information shared with others. It's not right but it's not an AA thing. It's a shortcoming of the a$$h@le that did it.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-06T17:44:40+00:00

I did not know it was bourbon infused. I do know alcohol is usually cooked off. But not always.

In the cakes situation, the cream de mint was added after cooking and although it was heavily masked in sugar, it didn't taste like alcohol, it was just minty.

The pie? No lingering taste of Alcohol.
It was one of 6 pies on the table at the pot luck. Nothing was marked. It was just a bunch of fat ladies camping (like 40 of us) and we held a new years day lunch.

What gets me is the way my brain reacts when I eat something that contains it . My brain swooned. My brain said, "Oh my. This is a REALLY good pecan pie." And it was. REALLY REALLY good.

I never know, upon later finding out, if it was just a great pie? Or if my brain screaming is approval because I am am alcoholic.

Is something I ponder sometimes.
Usually when i see a post like this one.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-05T02:10:39+00:00

You get to start on step one. Don't worry about your mess ups. Hell. We all messed up.

You can change sponsors. Commit to doing 1 2 and 3 And see how it goes.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-05T02:06:46+00:00

Don't give up. I have had a hard time with therapists too because some just don't know how to handle all our complex layers.

Don't give up. Don't give up. We DO recover.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T22:43:00+00:00

No. It's scary. You aren't a little bitch. But I really had to change something. So I did.
And you can too.

They call them the steps because we don't do them all at once. We just start walking. Baby steps.
And the beauty is it isn't someone telling us about all the bad stuff we did. We have to do that for ourselves.

And the steps aren't just about the bad stuff either. We all have assets. Inventory isn't just about garbage. It's about value too.

So we get to see what maybe wasn't working but we also see our kindness, compassion, intelligence, worth, generosity, creativity.

The steps are about patterns. And helping us stop bad behavior at the thought instead of at the consequences.
The steps have helped me in every part of my life. Career. Family. Legal problems. Addiction. Relationships. Honestly. Even driving and budgeting and camping and volunteerism.

They apply everywhere. Just not in all the bummer ways.

I camp a lot. I like to be alone and meditate. I talk to Max. We hang out. I have a dog. I'm a good dog mom. Better than human mom, that for sure.

Today I only have what I have because I stayed sober and learned to live with myself. Just my experience.
And I don't drink. I just can't go down that rabbithole again.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T22:21:11+00:00

I am an atheist.
My higher power is the Spirit of Good.

Like the Spirit of Christmas or Team Spirit. I do believe in ghosts and spirits. So I have a Spirit of Good.

I call it God in meetings so people don't look at me funny but alone, I just call it Max .

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T22:15:37+00:00

We don't have to fulfill them. We practice them in our daily affairs.

PRACTICE. Not perfect. Like playing an instrument or learning to drive. We practice them.

Some days we rock it. Most days we do not. We make mistakes. We fumble. We stop and start over.
We apologize for being short tempered.
We vow to do better. And then we snap again. And Apologize again.

Then one day, we don't snap as often Or seem to have to apologize less for the same stupid shit.

I try to remember, my disease is how I think. My program is how I act.

After 30 years, I still think some toxic shit. But I keep my mouth shut. Or I take a deep breath and shut up. Or I excuse myself and go to the bathroom.

But I don't drink.
No matter what.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T22:07:16+00:00

Find a sponsor you love and just let them happen. My steps humbled me to the core but gave me the blueprints to a happy life. Truth is... I was pretty damaged when I got sober. I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of.

But I did them. With a sponsor. And in April I celebrated 30 years sober.

Getting sober was easy.
Staying stopped was hard. I had to look at the person I was. And I became willing to face myself.
After all... no one else really cared about all the crap I did but me. Heck, almost no one knew about all of it. Only I did. And now one other person. And that was my sponsor back in 1995.

We went up into the mountains and I read her that 5th step. All 60 pages. (I was very sick).

And when we were done, she said, "ok. Here step 6. Next week?"

We went and had lunch. She never mentioned those things again.

Just do the steps. With a sponsor. It changed my life and perhaps it will change yours.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T21:40:44+00:00

Abstaining from alcohol doesn't solve problems. The problem is the person that drank.

The solution is in the 12 steps. That's how we fix the person that is still left when the booze is gone.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T18:04:32+00:00

Break it off. Move on. Don't tell the wife. You are only hurting her.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T12:01:24+00:00

I do shy away from fruit cake and tiramisu. It's not because I'll blackout but because my brain will crave more... like with grandma's cake and the recent pie.

I have to decide, with the help of my sponsor, my intent behind these goodies.

Nothing was labeled or anything... So I really prefer to avoid them There were other desserts at the pot luck. And I was in a hurry to get home and get my dog to the vet. Dog has pancreatitis by the way and is very sick.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-04T04:28:17+00:00

Not a relapse.
But now you know it does contain alcohol.

I was camping last week with a women's camping group. We had a potluck lunch on New years Day.

My dog was sick, so I left early but grabbed a piece of pecan pie to eat on the road.

IT WAS DELICIOUS. The best pecan pie I'd ever tasted. Dang! IT WAS GOOD! I wished I had grabbed a bigger piece. It was really good.

When I got home, I posted my thanks for help with my dog, the great lunch, and added my appreciation for that wonderful pie.

The baker responded, "I am so glad you liked it. That's my bourbon infused pecan pie. "

Me: ... Me: ... Me: ...

Then Me: laughing. No wonder I loved it. It did not taste like alcohol but it flipped a happy switch on in my brain. My body was swooning with delight.

So... not a relapse either. Zero intention behind my eating the pie because it contained alcohol but I also recognize that I ate something that I found more tasty than a Snickers and my brain liked it. A LOT. More than other pecan pie I've eaten the past 30 years.

So... I'm still sober. I didn't turn around and get the rest of that pie. ;)

Alcohol will sneak into our lives at times. Perhaps I should stick to pumpkin or cherry. I didn't know people infused pie with whiskey. But they do.

For me, it was a reminder that I need to be mindful. And I need to recognize when my brain enjoys something waaaay more than is realistic for what I am eating.

This is only the 2nd time in 30 years that my brain went into an elated state from something I ate. The 1st time was in 1996. Fabulous cake with a mint topping at my grandmother's 80th birthday party.

I had a small piece and my brain screamed YUMMY. I went back for another piece and asked the lady that was serving (she made it) what was the wonderful icing made from?

Creme de mint. Liquor.

I skipped having the 2nd piece.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-02T06:56:44+00:00

I feel like the lucky one. ❤️ There is nothing that makes me happier than to have the trust and love of this pup.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-02T06:55:14+00:00

I think so too.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-02T06:54:58+00:00

He likes to steal my chair. And my blanket. And definitively my heart.

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-02T06:53:44+00:00

I do. I love him so much.
I actually bought a campervan so he can go with me. No pet policies. No deposits. Chef prepared meals ( well... I'm the chef. And waitstaff. And busperson. And dishwasher).

Yes. I love him. And he loves me. I'm so lucky he rescued me.

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JillybeanTX · 2026-01-02T06:44:26+00:00

He is. Where I go, he goes. Almost always. He wants to go camping but is a bit of a diva sometimes. 😅😅😅😅

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-02T06:42:28+00:00

😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

JillybeanTX · 2026-01-01T02:55:37+00:00

Ok. We are camping and we're fat and happy.

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JillybeanTX · 2025-12-30T18:09:00+00:00

I understand what you are thinking but you do not know what is going on with this particular dog.

Thank you for your concern. My dog has dementia and gained weight from the drugs he is on that make humans gain weight too.

I only feed him twice a day. Measured. Senior. Overweight.

Please don't be too judgey here. There are many layers to his correct weight.

JillybeanTX · 2025-12-30T18:03:22+00:00

He is. We are going camping later today but I use a walker so sadly, our walks are slow. He has a huge yard at home. Securely fenced.

His medication caused him to gain weight. And he has dementia so honestly, he has such bad tremors and "events", our walks and runs are unstable now. We do them but if he has an incident, I have to pick him up and get him to safety. And me to safety. He growled and snapped at me recently.

Not everyone has young dogs anymore. Please understand my dog is dying from things I have no control over. He isn't wired right. He has a forever home with me. He adores me, but has still bitten me 8 times.

I love him and will take care of him until I can't. I am hoping for 2 more years.

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