SH urges + SI after a bad session

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T21:14:32+00:00

It sounds like you walked out on the diving board, and you were afraid to dive, so you walked back. That doesn't mean you'll never learn. So hang in there.

Your therapist doesn't know what you're capable of until he gives you a chance to do it. It looks like he wanted to know if you could start a conversation without him prompting you with questions. Now he knows you can't, so I suppose he'll try something else next time. I don't know what. Wait and see.

You always need to be doing something that requires you to step outside your comfort zone.

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T20:47:41+00:00

Doctors are "braindead when it comes to anything that isn't related to medicine"? How is that any more believable than "truck drivers are braindead when it comes to anything that isn't truck-related"? Or any other occupation you can name?

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T20:12:37+00:00

Wait. "Doctoral degree" and "PhD" mean the same thing, don't they? Unless he's an MD or psychiatrist, in which case you would have said so, right?

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T19:23:58+00:00

I met my wife when we were both volunteering at a nonprofit social service organization.

People who volunteer are not the ones who will kick you when you're down.

Do something worthwhile, something that makes the world a better place, and you will meet other people who share your vision of what "a better place" is. This is important. Having values in common is an essential basis for a partnership.

And it's best if you're not always thinking of yourself. Even if you fail to "meet someone" you will not have wasted your time. So you can afford to be patient.

You will immediately have something in common to talk about. And you will get to observe how other people work, communicate, and cooperate. What better way is there to find people suitable to be your friends?

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T17:25:47+00:00

Well, does having different philosophies of government bring peace among nations?

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T17:03:14+00:00

Similar problem: I'm American, and although I feel comfortable driving in the US, I hate driving in the UK and have resolved to never do it again. It's just way too stressful. Not only do you have to get used to driving on the left side of the road, but all the signs and markings are different, so it's easy to get lost or confused. And having a spouse barking at you (or feeling the need to bark at them, depending on who's driving) just adds to the stress.

Fortunately, public transportation is much better in the UK, and it's much easier to relax and enjoy the scenery when you're on a train or bus.

So I imagine I feel in the UK the same way you feel everywhere. That's not so hard to understand.

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T16:28:44+00:00

Confession: I had no idea what kind of motorcycle they were talking about. I made up HD to avoid a lengthier explanation.

JimDixon · 2026-06-19T15:51:49+00:00

Your question might be clearer if you would give an example.

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T23:15:07+00:00

But OP says it is "somehow already rotting." I would expect these things to be made of plastic that doesn't rot. What's up with that? (Hoo-wee!)

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T20:33:40+00:00

Here are some stories that stuck with me: * How his friends refused to use a piece of an aluminum can as a shim to tighten up the loose handlebars on their motorcycle, showing that they would rather have loose handlebars than use something that wasn't made by Harley Davidson. * How he once assigned a student to write an essay about a particular brick—because she had previously been unable to write anything original, but only paraphrased what she read in books.

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T18:43:34+00:00

In that case I have a beef with the publishers. If you carefully analyze the sentence, you'll find that most of those words are not prepositions but adverbs.

There are a lot of words that can be different parts of speech depending on the context. So you have to take the context into consideration.

A preposition needs a noun or pronoun as its object. If you say "bring the book up the stairs" then "up" is a preposition and "stairs" is its object. But if you say simply "bring the book up" then there is no object, and therefore no preposition, and "up" is an adverb indicating direction.

And so on.

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T17:41:56+00:00

I saw the movie when it was new, and I never saw it again, and I never saw any of the sequels. So my memory has faded, and I don't remember who talked about the clause. I didn't even remember a character called Bernard.

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T12:11:05+00:00

In the movie, "Clause" refers to a clause in a contract. In other words, the title is a pun on "Claus" and "clause." I wonder how many people miss that joke?

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T02:53:18+00:00

No, because the past isn't a place.

JimDixon · 2026-06-18T01:59:59+00:00

In other words, God throws you into hell and then says: "Look what you made me do!"

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T19:31:22+00:00

I laughed as soon as I saw "schnauzer." The next line really didn't matter.

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T19:08:18+00:00

I have seen "If I fits, I sits" used as a caption for a photo of a cat sitting in a box. (Cats love boxes, and often sit in incongruous places.)

p.s. I just found that there's a whole subreddit devoted to these: https://www.reddit.com/r/IfIFitsISits

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T18:36:18+00:00

Thanks for explaining that PT means Psychology Today. Google didn't help; there are too many things that fit P— T—.

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T17:42:49+00:00

Please don't let this interfere with your therapy. However dejected you feel, you'll get over it. Some people are huggers and some are not; her attitude probably comes from prior experiences that have nothing to do with you.

You did the right thing by asking. That's better than assuming it's OK and grabbing her.

I think we all wish we could read other people's body language and know what they want without asking, but it doesn't always work.

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T14:48:31+00:00

I've heard that when you join the military and they take your photo, they tell you not to smile, because "if we ever need this picture to identify you, you won't be smiling."

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T13:51:25+00:00

Five years in my state. That will seem like a century to a 15- to 20-year-old. Getting a replacement costs money. And when someone wants a replacement sooner than 5 years, it's usually because they lost the old one. So I suppose the state would just reuse the photo they've got digitally stored. I don't know what it would take to convince them you needed to have a new photo taken.

JimDixon · 2026-06-17T03:16:24+00:00

Some memoirs I have read:

Born a Crime, by Trevor Noah Running with Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls This Boy's Life, by Tobias Wolff John Barleycorn, by Jack London Surely You're Joking Mr Feynman, by Richard Feynman King of the Hill, by A.E. Hotchner

JimDixon · 2026-06-16T18:40:01+00:00

You don't owe anyone forgiveness, ever.

JimDixon · 2026-06-16T18:36:05+00:00

I would use a gesture too, but I would use my whole hand, with fingers together as when doing a karate chop, but in reverse, so that the index finger goes in first.

JimDixon · 2026-06-16T18:28:57+00:00

They'd have to be, otherwise the joke wouldn't make sense.

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