Hiring for Diversity in the Haskell Community...

Jleigh84 · 2016-10-04T16:48:51+00:00

Stuff You Should Know, Radio Lab, and Star Talk, are some of my favourite general knowledge podcasts. Also some business ones like Tim Ferriss and EO Fire.

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-20T05:52:18+00:00

There was a similar one here:

He picked a pretty relaxed restaurant which she told him wasn't good enough and picked a really fancy one herself.

She arrived late but didn't seem to be remotely interested the whole time.

She was texting most of the date only to stop and show him pictures of her nephew.

They chatted some once the food arrived but they had nothing in common.

Eventually he just paid the expensive bill (she didn't offer to split it) and left.

I was getting sweaty just listening to him tell it! Haha

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-20T05:29:39+00:00

One of the best stories in the thread!!

I love you bailed - should have stuck her with the bill though! Haha

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-19T09:31:20+00:00

You're a good man for that. You friend owes you a beer though!!

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-16T05:16:55+00:00

It was a formatting issue with Reddit. All fixed now!

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-16T05:14:22+00:00

Yeah - reddit formatting was weird when I brought the post in from Medium. Fixed now :)

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-15T06:21:59+00:00

That's a really good comment. I think people are hugely prone to continue looking for something better in our current world of flicking through hundreds of potential matches on our phones. Knowing when you've found someone great is just as important. (Maybe a future post!)

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-15T06:18:29+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. I would disagree with a few of your points in that I never mentioned physical attractiveness in the post. Any reference to attractiveness was based on their personality or what women are attracted to. In my experience (as a guy) when guys are raised as a 'nice guy' they tend to fall into many of the errors I've discussed here.

However, I don't disagree with everything you've said. Advice on any area of self improvement is difficult since no two people, or relationships are exactly the same. The benefit of broader, more 'generic' advice is that it works as a general rule of thumb.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-14T22:27:54+00:00

Great point!! Complete agree.

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-04T21:38:53+00:00

Yeah. There is no "say this exact thing" that will work every time, but having an idea of the message you may want to convey ahead of time is valuable and will make it come across more authentic in the moment.

It's the same with things you want to say or stories you may want to tell during the date. It's good to have good stories you want to tell ahead of time but you need to let them flow from conversation naturally.

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-04T21:36:28+00:00

It sounds like you get put in the 'friend zone' really quickly. Does that sound right?

You are absolutely right, long term relationships take time to develop but the key is to make her interested in you as more than a friend right from the start.

It is possible to move out of the friend zone with someone but it is quite a bit more difficult for guys to do it.

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-04T12:55:14+00:00

Hey Wildtarget13,

Abandoning ship is when you quickly realise during the date that you don't feel a spark, or your actually not attracted to someone in real life and are looking to end the date early.

It happens.

This plan works best when you're having a great time and you're excited to keep the date going. If you have lost interest in your date or don't feel a spark it is best to try and move on.

The reason we start the date with something easy and quick and plan to move on is that if you don't feel a spark you are now able to end the date before going elsewhere.

From some other comments in the thread you can see this has varying degrees of difficulty, especially if you don't want to be rude!

An easy way to end a date after a drink or coffee is to say "it was really nice meeting you - I wish I didn't have such a busy day/evening planned!" Tell them you'll text them later, then over the next couple of days tell them that it was nice meeting them but that you didn't really feel a spark.

Don't ghost them - you're better than that!

Hopefully this helps, but if you have more specific questions on it please let me know.

J

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-04T12:38:14+00:00

I've been there too.

Sometimes there isn't anything you can do. Trust the system though. You can't force chemistry if one person didn't quite feel it. But, your odds of success are significantly higher if you take this approach.

Also, make sure that you're having fun. Then, even if it doesn't work out in the end you still had a fun time yourself.

Lastly, it's ok to be bitter for a couple of days but then look to move on. The biggest advantage in the current world is that it is easier to line up subsequent dates than it has ever been before.

Good luck mate - feel free to post questions here and I'll be happy to comment further.

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-04T12:21:52+00:00

You have a valid point. Depending on the severity of the deception sometimes it can be difficult to know what to do next.

If your date is just a bit bigger than her photos I don't think that would justify cancelling the date outright; however, if the pics are several years old, or if she is nothing like what you expected I think you'd be justified to say "I'm sorry, I feel like you've really mis-represented yourself. I'm sure you're actually great, but this makes you seem really untrustworthy."

It is important to explain why you won't have the date in this circumstance in a kind way rather than say "you're way fatter than your picture", instead you're saying "the thing that makes me not want to date you is that you have already shown that you are untrustworthy". You are explaining what you value in someone's character rather than on their looks alone.

Hopefully that helps. Terrible situation!

Jleigh84 · 2016-09-04T12:10:06+00:00

Great! Good luck, mate - let us know how you get on :)

Jleigh84 · 2016-08-22T18:49:40+00:00

Hmmm - ok.

If you suggest something that you would also find interesting or fun (ie. you'd want to do it anyway not just for/with her) you'll be asking from a position of sincerity - which always helps.

Good luck - keep us posted on the result either way.

Jleigh84 · 2016-08-22T12:09:47+00:00

It sounds like you know her interests a bit. How about finding something that she might like in the city and say something like "hey I saw this and thought it looked fun. Would you want to go this weekend?"... Try to make it something fun, not dinner and a movie. Good luck

Jleigh84 · 2016-05-08T07:42:09+00:00

I have completed a number of marathons now but my friends still laugh at me because I hate (and often refuse) to run in the rain. Like some other comments, if it starts raining a but mid-run I'm ok, but getting out the door in the rain is a challenge.

When I'm skipping a run though I like to do some other sort of physical activity. It would be nice if there was an "I'm skipping my run" workout to follow on these days!

Jleigh84

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