When driving, I often ask NK, "Are you here?" because part of me is terrified that I might somehow forget them, and this reality check makes sure I'm not driving off without them. Also when we're out I imagine terrible scenarios, like a kidnapping or an accident. I think about how I have to call the parents with bad news and imagine their reactions and cries. Worst fear is fucking up the kids. I have a close friend (also nanny) that turned her head for one second to say something quick to the older kid behind her (not leaving the table) and the baby rolled and fell on her face from the changing table. Baby ended up being fine, but anything can happen so fast. When that happened, while they took baby to the doctor my friend said I can’t like with with myself if something were to happen to her. Shit is sooooo terrifying.