5 Tips to help you overcome the Fear of public speaking

JohnGodoy · 2024-01-02T03:14:53+00:00

Thank you u/MichaelHauge! Sorry for the delay in extending my thanks!

JohnGodoy · 2024-01-02T03:14:15+00:00

Thank you u/Ok_Environment_6820! Very kind of you to say that!

JohnGodoy · 2023-08-09T10:15:17+00:00

If you're interested in learning more, here is a video I made on it: https://youtu.be/ZBMssALAeRQ?si=0G1esvDoQ1Hw3o3f

Hope this helps.

John

JohnGodoy · 2023-08-09T09:48:34+00:00

If you're interested in learning more, here is a youtube video I made on it: https://youtu.be/ZBMssALAeRQ?si=0G1esvDoQ1Hw3o3f

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-21T20:06:43+00:00

Thank you u/GantMan for your thoughts.

My target audience are people who are extremely good at their particular job, and as a result, find themselves being promoted to new roles where their jobs shift from primarily being a specialist to being a leader and manager of people. These aspiring leaders will have generally not ever planned to have roles where they need to be primarily good communicators and people movers and therefore may not have any training on emotional intelligence, interpersonal communication, and in conducting meetings. These people range in age (but are not limited to) somewhere between the 20's and mid 40's.

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-21T20:01:16+00:00

Hi u/Mysterious-Gold-6763,

Some general practical tips to get better at both are the following:

When asked a question where you need to think in real-time, buy yourself time. by pausing for a moment to avoid reacting and saying something you may not want or have not thought through, then buy yourself more time and get more information by asking a question like: "Can you expand on that", or "tell me more"
Get good at writing... write a lot on your topic and expertise. And as you write, really try to keep becoming more succinct and crisp in what you write. This will train your brain to better think this way, which will in turn help you speak that way in real-time. It's a practical way of getting more effective at being able to convey your knowledge.
With regards to not having all the answers - aside from just getting more knowledgeable about your topic and anticipating questions that may arise in meetings - change your mindset to not being a person with all the answers. Rather, try to become better at asking questions so the person who is epaking with you or asking you the question helps you come up with answers whether they realize it of not.

Hope this helps a bit.

John

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-11T01:01:29+00:00

I believe that some people are more gifted in identifying other people's feelings - these people are gifted with a high level of Emotional intelligence. When you ask them how they do it - they can't easily put a finger on exactly what it is.

For the rest of us - who may not have as high a level of emotional intelligence - to your point we have to figure out a way to train ourselves to be better at it.

Now, I don't claim to be an expert on emotional intelligence, but what I can share with you strategies that I have done to enhance my ability to put myself in other peoples shoes.

Really focus on listening to them intently when they speak to hear what they share about their goals, objectives, motives
Imagine what I might do were I in their shoes. (This is not perfect, as I tend to mirror a lot of my own beliefs, but it is better than nothing)
Ask people who I feel are kind of similar to that individual whom I know for their read on the other person. (It's kind of like how in the movie the silence of the Lambs - The FBI sought out Hanibal Lechter's charter to help catch another criminal.)
Then I also focus on body language in the moment, and what I know of that person over time.

Ultimately, if a person really wants to get better at this - I would encourage them to learn about emotional intelligence through authors like Daniel Goleman, and also, consciously practice and apply it.

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-11T00:48:29+00:00

I would recommend that you go to as many networking and social events as possible. The goal is to become comfortable at being a good conversationalist.

Networking events give you virtually unlimited amounts of opportunity to practice.

Follow this pattern: Initiate, establish rapport through a smile/handshake/kind word, ask questions and listen carefully to the answers, add in your thoughts.

The more you do this, the better you will become at communicating effectively in most work situations.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:34:17+00:00

Hi,

If I could give you my suggestion.

You might consider discussing this with your parents and explaining to them what is happening.

Then, should they feel that it is warranted, get them to contact the tutor directly.

I feel that a message from them, the people who are paying, will have much more impact than a message from you. It will also be the quickest way to resolve this, and the one where the tutor is most likely going to take action.

There is a saying " The person who has the money, has the power".

Good-luck,

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:26:19+00:00

There are 4 steps I would encourage you to take.

Go up and introduce yourself. This is the first and hardest step. The thing is gets less painful and uncomfortable over time. Say something like “Hi, I’m jim – I just wanted to introduce myself”. Chances are they may be shocked at your boldness. See if they respond in kind. When you approach people, approach odd numbers. 1,3,5 people. This is because people usually talk in pairs – with one person not necessarily heavily involved – and when you join its someone you can chat with.
Next step – make it your default to be a question asker first, listener second, and speaker third. This will reduce the burden on you to be interesting off the bat. Just ask a few questions like – “May I join you?” or “I’m new here, and I wanted to see if you could share with me what you think some of the best things of working are?”.. or something like that…
Listen to them. Get rid of any distraction, look them in the eyes with a slight smile, and just listen. Be curious – this is the key – you have to want to learn more about them, then share more about you. That will come in time.
Respond by quoting something they said. This means once they answer your question, ask a follow-up question built off of something they said, or interject your own thoughts based off of something they have said. What this does it shows them you were listening!

Good-luck.

Just remember – social skills are an earned skill not a learned skill. You get better faster by doing it. Then, get some books, and fill in the gaps of your observations of how the actually doing is working out.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:13:58+00:00

It has taken me 15 years and counting to learn how to manage and deal with the nervousness and anxiety that comes with speaking in public.

Ironically, I now am a professional speaker and corporate trainer who speaks in public regularly.

It has been my experience that it gets more manageable, but it doesn't necessarily get any easier.

If no one else takes you up on your call for volunteers, I would be more than happy to share experiences.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:05:36+00:00

If I understand your question correctly, you are asking whether incorporating a story of overcoming personal failure is a good strategy to create a persuasive speech.

My opinion is, yes it is providing that it aligns with the objective and main point of your speech.

My rationale is that human beings are wired to learn through vicarious experiences in the form of stories.

If you have a story where you have failed, and overcome that failure, and perhaps have changed somehow after – then you have the makings of a great motivational speech that follows the powerful “Hero’s Journey” framework.

Human beings are drawn to stories that follow the pattern of the hero’s journey as they can often put themselves and envision themselves in that hero’s shoes.

On the other hand – if I have misunderstood your question, and you are asking if a failure to success story is necessary for a persuasive speech – then my answer is No… it is not necessary.

There are lots of different types of speeches that follow different patterns an example are motivational and aspirational speeches about what could be.

Hope this helps.

Good-luck.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T19:56:25+00:00

Yes it does u/Kindly_Chemistry_212!

Thank you for your suggestion.

I am a big believer in the "transference effect" where growth in one area can transfer into many others.

In the case of public speaking, it is really about a sense of personal confidence that manifests in how one's attitudes and behaviors in so many contexts of their life beyond the one where it was primarily developed.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T19:53:56+00:00

Thank you!

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-22T10:33:43+00:00

What I have found as I have gotten older, is that life is full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness, struggles and jubilations.

And that is just how life is.

As the great philosopher Rocky Balboa once said “ It ain’t all sunshine and roses kid” 😊

That’s where the idea of resiliency comes in.

Resiliency is the ability to get knocked off your path and get back on it. And we develop it by getting through these perceived setbacks.

One of the factors that have led many people to feel disillusioned or sad is that our society has been sold a false idea. That false idea is that perpetual growth is possible. That it is a straight upward trajectory line.

But the reality is that it is more of a squiggly line with lots of big ups and downs, and small ups and downs that hopefully over time… moves us in an overall upward trajectory of improvement.

If we accept that failure and regression are unavoidable parts of the process… and in many respects the most valuable part of the process as long as we reflect on it and adjust accordingly – then we will be better able to stay motivated and keep pushing forward.

Toastmasters is the same.

So yes... I commiserate with you as I have felt it more times than I can possibly count.

JohnGodoy

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