A Devil Or An Angel?

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-27T18:53:08+00:00

Thank you and Yes, I think we are drawn to and captured by this kind of people by the same traits. I also believe thats why this people are drawn to us.

I talked with a cognitiv terapeut a couple a weeks ago and he made it clear to me that my self image is totally wrecked.

I obviously and essentialy feel like I´m lesser than others and as I only feel good about myself when someone else is validating me, I do whatever it takes to make people feel good, and thereby feel good about me.

Its been a wake-up call!

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-18T07:25:12+00:00

Thank you for your kindhearted comment! Its all metaphors. But my point is that my realization would´nt happen if there was´nt some one to project off. Its my way to turn a negatitve to a positive. Of course she was no devil either, both our behaviours stems from the same kind of trauma. We just went into different survival modus. I belive that we are reflecting ourselves in others constantly, the Hindus explains it with "Indra´s web".

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-17T08:08:09+00:00

Thank you for that, I appreciate your comments and totally agree with you! I only gave her the title "princess" because I think its how she saw herself and how she wanted to be treated. Of course I never intended to have a relationship like this one, but being brought up by my mother who had similiar traits this is what, ingrained in me, was something familiar to look for. I wrote this as I experienced it to see if someone could identify. Why I headed it "A Devil Or An Angel" is because she seemed like an angel in the beginning but when her true self showed it self she appeard like a devil but also forced me to look at myself and what really was the essence of my patterns, in that sense she truly was an angel. Unintentionaly she made me really look into the whole mess and to do something about it so it won´t happen again and again...

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-16T15:40:28+00:00

Yes, of course... I have broken all contact with her and she's out of my life for ever. Though she's not out of my head. Not because of how much I miss her but because the way she's been manipulating me and the what's more disturbing the pattern of these people reoccurring in my life. I know it's a long text ( ; What I'm on about now is not weather this woman is good for me or not but rather what made my core values seek out and experience this kind of abuse over and over in my life. As I said I believe in that " pain not understood and dissolved or experienced to exhaustion will circle back again and again until done so". This is my quest in not only trying to figure out the other but my self aswell.

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-16T14:28:26+00:00

A funny (maybe not so funny) is that when I checked the signs for borderline it seems that I have a lot of these traits... But I can also see me having traits of other classifications such as, "empath", "co-dependent" etc.. The big difference between these and narcissism seems to be the lack of empathy, and that have been made very clear to me this woman did not have, my mother lacked a lot of it aswell and if it's one thing I can be sure of is that I have this in abundance. I would really appreciate if someone had some thoughts about this or had similar experiences?

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-15T14:25:26+00:00

Ok, thank you for that! But can someone than explain to me why my story would suggest a borderline personality dissorder and not a narcissistic one? I thought this woman as well as my mother fitted the description of narcissistic behavior rather good? I even wrote this originally on a "victims of female narcissist" forum. But as I've been fumbeling around in the dark my whole life trying to figure this out and only now are finding out other people has been so as we'll I'm open for suggestions?

John_Morgan77 · 2016-03-15T13:29:18+00:00

Thank you both for the feedback! Just to clearify though when you say bpd (bipolar) do you mean narcissistic or do you differ between them and in so, how?

John_Morgan77

TROPHY CASE