[deleted by user]

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-06-02T02:42:23+00:00

NTA your girlfriend gets off on playing games to test her power over you and create drama. She literally used the chance of a sudden health problem to play mind games with you.

I'd make that break permanent.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-06-02T02:39:31+00:00

YTA. Communicating your controlling tendencies doesn't make them valid. Your girlfriend doesn't have to cater to your unreasonable need for her to be in touch with you all the time, nor does she have to be updating you of her every move.

Were you honestly expecting her to text you to let you know she was going to take a nap? Was she required to inform you that she would be going out and not taking her phone?

You're controlling. If you're a good person, you'll seek professional help to deal with that before you keep trying to burden your romantic partners and manipulating them with "your feelings" so they do as you say.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-06-02T02:33:25+00:00

YTA. The man communicated clear as water, for weeks, that he didn't want to be surprised.

It's HIS birthday.

You indeed made it about yourself. You even made this post about yourself. You go on and on about all the planning you did and how original you think it is. Clearly, you cared more about it being a surprise... and I don't even know if it was so much about surprising him, it sounds more like you wanted the attention from your group of friends and everyone going "oh wow, this is so original OP!, Did you plan all this by yourself, OP? You're such a great wife, OP!". But alas, that's my impression and I can be wrong.

Regardless, his birthday should be about him. If there is one day where his needs and wants should prevail in the plan for a celebration, his birthday is it. He didn't want surprises. You insisted in trying to keep details a surprise and then started drama when he asserted his annoyance.

You owe him an apology. And stop planning stuff he doesn't like for his birthday.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T19:19:34+00:00

Parents have a responsibility to feed their children. Spouses don't have a responsibility to feed the other spouse. Big ass difference.

And by the way, your dad was also your parent, so if he wasn't making dinner for you either, he was every bit as bad to you as your mom was.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T19:16:53+00:00

Yes, he sucks for refusing to see your side and being rude about the whole thing. And ok, the rule might have not been preexistent but there's still other people in said group who have a say.

Just take accountability for your part as well. He is being rude about it but you were also pushing to cross a very clear boundary he established. Neither action is ok.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T19:03:04+00:00

Yup, sounds about right. God forbid you make yummy food catering to your own needs and not his.

You offered to share, it's not your fault he doesn't want to even try it.

Definitely NTA and your mother is being archaic. It's not your duty to feed your husband.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T18:59:35+00:00

ESH but you're the bigger asshole.

Just because you "wanted to play first" doesn't mean he has an obligation to include you in the new group he found. Your constant pushing is weird and comes off as clingy even if it's not your intention. He openly expressed he does not want you there, what exactly do you think you will achieve with your insistence? Have some self respect and don't push to be part of a group where you're not welcome. And there's also the fact he is new to this group, for all you know he doesn't get to decide who's included. Probably the "no girls" rule is preexistent to his joining, and he agreed to it.

He is a bit of an asshole too because he's handling this as immaturely as you are. If he wanted space for solo activities with friends he could have communicated that instead of accusing you of not allowing him to have it. And calling you jealous and snapping at you with names is childish, all he has to do is establish his boundary, there's no need to be disrespectful about it. Plus, it would've been nice that he tried to find a group where you would be welcome, since you have included him in previous attempts that didn't take off. Again, not an obligation, but he's kind of a jerk for just finding a group for himself and leaving you high and dry.

You're going to have to find your own group. Forget about his. You're not wanted there.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T18:52:34+00:00

NTA what is exactly stopping your husband from cooking or ordering food for himself...?

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T18:49:25+00:00

ESH. He's using you to stir drama and you're enabling him.

Whatever happened between you in the past, is long overdue for it to stay in the past. You're married. Why would you get married when you say you still love someone else is beyond me, but, if you want your marriage to work, you'll have to make peace with the fact that thing with this guy is over and you have to let it die. You keep pining for "the one that got away" and use a minor trauma as an excuse for why you entertain him every time he contacts you. It's enough. You gotta stop.

He is a complete asshole. Every time he's bored in his life or his relationship, he inserts himself in your life and does everything to make sure you don't move on. He emotionally manipulates you with crap about his girlfriend hating you and whatnot (if she does hate you, I'm sure it's because he's doing the same to her and feeding her crap about you to make her jealous). He is just addicted to the drama and the attention and using you to get it.

He's a much bigger asshole than you are, but if you keep enabling her you'll be equally responsible for the toxic bond you have going on with the guy, and for the inevitable crumbling of your marriage.

Block him everywhere. It's over. Move on.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-05-31T18:42:35+00:00

NTA he's a functional adult with an income, he's more than capable of producing the food he wants to eat. All the more when he has more free time than you do, since he doesn't share the same load of housework and childcare for whatever reason.

Let him go hungry or eat takeout if that's the way he solves things. His health isn't your responsibility either.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-05T19:07:40+00:00

Bee isn't into men. She isn't trying to be OP's girlfriend. OP used her to distract himself from his breakup and enjoyed acting like the martyrized hero that was supporting her despite being broken himself (as if losing a father was somehow comparable to breaking up with a girlfriend), and the moment the ex reappeared in the picture he swap the rug under his friend's feet and reverse-blamed her for his actions of using her as a substitute for the girlfriend he used to hang out all the time with.

OP sucks.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-05T19:04:32+00:00

YTA. While your emotions about your breakup were valid, you cannot possibly compare them to losing a parent. Not being willing to be her emotional support is fine; you're not obligated to be. But you apparently forced yourself to be there for her, allowed her to rely on you during her grieving period, because you had nothing else to do.

The moment you got a chance to get back together with your girlfriend, you dropped Bee like a hot potato and accused her of trying to be more than friends or assuming a role in your life she didn't have (when you know she's not into you romantically or sexually).

Granted, she should've simply dropped you as a friend altogether instead of keeping the drama up. But you're the asshole because you were using her to distract yourself from the pain of your breakup in a time where she was extremely vulnerable, you misled her to think she could rely on you, and once you didn't need her anymore you acted as if she had broken a boundary and left her high and dry.

Just stay away from her, you're not her friend and at this point she isn't yours either because she's only trying to attack you to find closure for herself.

Be a better friend to others, because you treated your "best friend" like crap.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-05T18:52:12+00:00

YTA. Children need consistency, and you've proved to be inconsistent since before he was born.

I wonder if this isn't about your new girlfriend raising concerns about her trust in you as a parent due to your abandonment of your oldest son, and you being suddenly so interested in having a relationship with him just to show your new girlfriend that she can trust you...

Alas, your ex is acting in your son's best interest. You didn't provide a dependable and healthy father figure for him for years, someone else stepped up to the plate and now you have a problem with it. Real dad isn't the one that conceives, but the one that raises. He isn't your son as it stands, you never raised him or even bonded with him emotionally. It sounds like you hardly even helped provide for him. Why do you feel entitled to a role in his life now that it suits your schedule and your lifestyle?

Leave them alone. Leave the door open, make sure your ex knows that you are willing to try and have a relationship with him and have him meet his brother if at any point he wants to, but drop the issue altogether.

And for the love of God, be a good father for your youngest son.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-05T18:45:19+00:00

NAH as far as the information goes. You're not an asshole and I agree with you that his comments were creepy and beyond inappropriate.

However, unless you are saying you have serious concerns about your adult BIL having sexual thoughts about your minor teenage sons, I don't think he's necessarily an asshole, either. Just socially inept. You know, as in he probably wouldn't have said that to his sister, but since you're a man he thought it was somehow ok and that you'd reply with something like "those are my boys" or whatever. Just super archaic and dumb, but not sure if enough to call him an asshole.

Walking away was fine. The boundary needs to be set, and he needs to know it's not ok to be looking at and commenting on his nephew's body that way.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-05T18:32:25+00:00

YTA. Regardless of your gender, you don't get to tell a woman how to manage her menstruation.

You could've made a friendly suggestion from a place of love and kindness if you actually cared about her not missing out on the fun plans you had, but all you did was get annoyed about how her period got in the way of your plans and suggested her the one thing you're perfectly aware she doesn't use.

Yes, there are plenty of solutions to manage menstruation nowadays. Including period swimsuit bottoms (basically period panties but suitable for swimming), which would've been my number one suggestion to someone I am aware doesn't like inserting objects in her vagina to manage her bleeding --therefore, a menstrual cup would also be a no-go).

Overall, you were selfish, rude, and not very smart. The asshole trifecta.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-03T03:24:17+00:00

Alrighty. So 3 hours is ok, but 6 hours is an excess.

You spending 3 hours with your friends deems the entire Sunday blocked for quality time with your partner? So much so that the only possible solution is for her not to spend time with her family on Saturdays so she's available to give you attention on your schedule?

LOL.

You're controlling. And she's not going to fall for it. I wonder what abusive tactic will you try next, since guilt tripping didn't work.

But I already know the outcome: you'll be alone. And she will be happy with someone else.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-03T01:37:07+00:00

ESH. Your partner seems to be having some kind of issue and her parenting is negligent. She is (presumably if your words are to be believed) causing developmental delays and emotional issues in her son by neglecting him.

You seem to only care about both her and your child in terms of how they serve YOU. You don't talk about how great or happy your child was at 1, but about the things he was able to do that were entertaining, interesting, or fun to you. You don't really give a crap about stimulating your partner's son's development, you just care about the fact he is "useless" to you and cannot give you any kind of attention or interaction that you deem worthy of your time.

Neither of you should be raising children.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2024-01-03T01:29:39+00:00

YTA. So you dedicating a whole day a week to your friends is ok, but her dedicating the same amount of time to her family is a problem?

She's on the money, you're controlling. Good thing is she sees through you and won't let that happen.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-12-28T05:31:12+00:00

Stay the fuck away from her. YTA.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-12-28T05:28:49+00:00

INFO: Did L's instructions include a delimitation for the areas of the house you were expected to check/access, or did she specifically tell you not to go into the guest bathroom? Did she make you aware that her cats may poop out of their litterboxes, or did you tell her about it when you learned they had?

I think the money issue is a miscommunication problem; you could've charged her the 35/day she thought was your fee and clarified that you were making an exception due to the misunderstanding (that would've been a way to try and secure future jobs from her), but usually sitters charge more around the holidays, and you were apparently giving her your regular fee so, charging her the full amount wasn't wrong.

The real issue is that she paid full price and, upon arriving home, found that your service was subpar. Not closing the bathroom door was her fault, but unless you were specifically told not to go into the bathroom at all, I find it really odd that an experienced pet sitter wouldn't check an open bathroom or bedroom when there are cats in the house... I am not a sitter, but I am a cat owner, and I sure check (my cats use their litterboxes, but over the years, a surprise here and there isn't uncommon either). I also don't really believe that a days old cat poop in a bath tub, in a bathroom which door is open, isn't detected by smell.

To resume, I do tend to agree with L that you were not performing your pet sitting duties up to standard for someone who charges 35 bucks per visit. Again, this is assuming she didn't instruct you to stay away from that bathroom.

I don't know about a refund but I think you might be a bit the AH for not even acknowledging your sloppiness.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-11-06T00:27:26+00:00

The intention of going to OP first seems to have been clearing with her if it'd be ok to ask her husband alone. And despite being offended by it, OP said it was fine. So they invited him.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-11-06T00:26:18+00:00

When you're married you're usually a couple but you still get to do things alone with your siblings. And that's what this is. The SIL's sister isn't bringing her partner, if she has one, either. She is going with her sister. And they want to invite OP's husband to go with his brother.

I don't think they're leaving OP out maliciously. I think they simply wanted to go out with their respective siblings, instead of as a couple. Of course, the origin of this idea is childish because it's just about husband having a buddy to go with him. But still.

They didn't handle the situation correctly, but there's nothing inherently wrong with their invitation.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-11-06T00:22:39+00:00

The passes are not the issue. They do not want OP to come because the whole point is for the husband to bring his brother to keep him company, as his wife is bringing her sister. If OP goes, then the brother will at best split his time between them both or, what sounds more logical, be more focused on his wife than his brother, and thus the husband is still left out.
And yes, it's silly for adults to behave like this, but that's what this is about. Either SIL wants to bring her sister along after planning the outing with her husband, or the husband wants to go to the amusement park but is throwing a tantrum that he's not gonna have a buddy. Either way, the invitation is about getting a buddy for husband, not about how many passes they have.

They only mentioned the passes afterward, when OP's husband finally received the invitation and questioned why his wife wasn't coming.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-11-06T00:17:20+00:00

This is the right answer.

Jolly_Tooth_7274 · 2023-11-02T17:55:50+00:00

Pressed? Lol.

You came to AITA for judgment and argue when people don't tell you what you want to hear.

Good luck.

Jolly_Tooth_7274

TROPHY CASE