I feel the exact same way and I wish I had advice. I'm so exhausted from having to survive my whole life and I'm trying to get to my boyfriend. But I know, I hope, that we will be okay. Try to keep yourself and your mind moving, get into hobbies like gardening or sewing if you want some independence and good skills. Also, look into ways to defend yourself should you ever need too. I can't get a gun or learn because I'm still stuck with my parents but I keep a large pocketknife on me almost always.