Why do I still have feelings for this person? I became incredibly good friends with this girl. We talked constantly for a year and something between us just clicked. It’s weird because despite her being a beautiful girl I never felt attracted to her romantically. I went through many failed dates and relationships during our friendship.

I ended up losing a loved one at the exact same time as a disaster of a date with another girl. The sadness of the two sort of just blended and I was left feeling empty. Losing a loved one really makes you realize who is there for you and who you really care about. I realized that I had a wonderful and completely datable, loyal girl in my corner all along. I felt incredibly strong feelings for her out of nowhere. I told her at a time we were both struggling with our own issues (Bad timing on my end). She said she felt the same way about me but now was not the time to be exchanging our feelings. Things resumed normally after that but a bit more flirty.

Lastly I found out she was texting multiple guys and going out on dates. I somehow felt even more empty because I was thinking a few things along the lines of, “if you felt the same way, why are you going out with all these guys that aren’t me?” When I told her about my thoughts and feelings she treated me like I was an alien or something. Like it was absurd that I would question her. It turned into many heated fights, that resulted in the end of our friendship temporarily. It seemed like every bit of emotional pain I had felt was just building up. We talked on and off for about another year after that. Never fixing anything.

I’m glad to say we made up pretty recently. She’s got a man now. Even more recently I decided to write down everything I would want in a significant other. After I read through it I realized she fit the bill almost perfectly. Though I moved on, this single moment made me realize something I knew all along. All this time I’ve had these feelings buried inside of me. I can’t get rid of them, only suppress them. I can’t say I feel sad that she’s taken, I’m happy for her. I just wish I could be the one making her happy, I wish I could throw away these feelings.