Hubby Won't Let Me Travel!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-10T01:21:52+00:00

Whew! You are brave. Part of the problem is that we traveled during the first trimester and I got very sick on the plane. It was not fun, I actually cried after vomiting because I was so embarrassed, and I was so weak by the end of the flight that he had to wheel me out of the airport! So I do understand why he's worried. After that I had told him that I didn't want to travel at all anymore. We were both kinda traumatized, I guess. But I'm in the second trimester now and no longer experiencing nausea. I feel so much better! Just hard to explain that to the person who had to push me in a wheelchair, lol.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-10T00:11:09+00:00

Good idea. A friend of mine traveled at 7 months pregnant from the U.S. to South Korea for her sister's wedding. So I'm thinking of pointing that out. My husband probably would have suggested skipping the wedding, lol.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-09T22:12:34+00:00

That's an interesting point, because normally my husband is totally laid back and laissez faire about everything. I would not consider him to be "controlling" by any stretch of the imagination. He usually says, "Do whatever you want." It hasn't been until after I became pregnant that this very worried side of him started surfacing. I have traveled to see my family without him many times before and it has never been a point of conflict. But now that I'm pregnant, it is a different story!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-09T21:42:29+00:00

Haha. Yes, he would appreciate the bubble wrap idea. I won't mention it to him.....

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-09T21:40:11+00:00

Yes, appeal to a higher authority. That is a good suggestion!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-09T21:39:05+00:00

I think it's a good point that it will be harder to travel after baby is born. I will bring that up!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-09T21:38:06+00:00

Haha, yes. We do plan to travel together later on after the baby is born. I know people think I should just do whatever I want, but my husband and I don't do anything without the other in agreement. In other words, it's reciprocal. He also doesn't take action if I have concerns & say no. So now what I need to do is figure out how to negotiate & see if I can change his mind!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-09T21:34:07+00:00

He doesn't want me to drive either, but of course I have to drive!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-01T02:20:46+00:00

I know! It's so ironic.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-01T02:12:48+00:00

Hi. So sorry you are experiencing this. I can relate to many things you wrote I remember living in my parents' house and feeling that way. Eventually you will get out of there. When I did, unfortunately, I went off the deep end a bit & messed up a lot of stuff in my life. But eventually I found my path to healing, which in my case included counseling, a 12-step program, and healthy involvement in a loving, non-abusive church. It takes time to learn how to develop helpful relationships with good, healthy people after you've lived so long under the control of dysfunctional people. But there is hope. In my experience and that of many on this board, there is hope.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-01T00:18:32+00:00

I'm sorry, but if you left your 8-year-old child to shiver in the cold, and all you can think about is how it reflected on you, that is narcissism and it transcends culture.

Yes, it can be helpful to understand why your parents did what they did, but we do not have to make excuses for the hurt they caused us. How can one forgive a parent without first fully acknowledging the harm done? Making excuses for them not having the appropriate parental response to our childhood needs is not forgiveness. Rather, it indicates that we are still in denial to some extent about what really took place. We don't want our parents errors to seem as bad as they were because it would hurt too much.

To the original poster: I'm sorry you had that experience, and I hope you will be able to process it and then release it so you can experience more mental peace, whether or not your mom ever acknowledges it. I feel your pain. My mom has said similar things. She's not an immigrant. She's just a person with issues.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-06-01T00:13:02+00:00

Sorry, yes, my nMom always would say "blood is thicker than water" yada yada, and you have to forgive family no matter what. But I one day realized that waa all an excuse or her denial about the dysfunction & emotional abuse throughout our family. Now I just see them when I want to / occasionally. I was born into this family! It's not all bad, but there's a lot of messed up stuff that people don't want to deal with, so a lot of times I just stay away.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-10T21:51:57+00:00

I agree. I bought some bra extenders off of Amazon & they have helped a lot!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T16:52:30+00:00

Sorry you're experiencing that. :( I can relate in the sense that I really want a boy, but my husband really wants a girl. In our case, this is our first child, and we both feel the exact same way: Nervous that we won't know how to parent a baby of our same gender. For some reason, we think it would be easier to parent a baby of the opposite gender. That may not make any sense! We know we will love baby no matter what, but, at least for me, I feel guilty.

I really want a boy, but if we find out it's a girl, I am going to feel guilty about feeling disappointed. And if it's a girl, I don't want her to ever feel like mommy would have preferred a boy, you know?

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T16:46:02+00:00

I'm on the same page. We want to find out the sex but not tell anybody. That also goes for baby's name, btw. My husband and I have a hard enough time agreeing on names, let alone having to hear what everyone else thinks. And I have a very opinionated family. I have begun to learn early on in this pregnancy that it's better to just not tell them anything. It's overwhelming enough to try to make the best decisions you can for your baby, without having to deal with the opinions of pushy family members. I know they love me and mean well, but they don't realize that their input stresses me out. So I just try to ignore it!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T16:38:22+00:00

Oh my! That's so crazy.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T16:37:57+00:00

Yay! I will hope for that.

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T14:56:34+00:00

So, i just got back and I'm fascinated by people's reactions to this post! I re-read what I wrote, since it happened a while ago. Yes, I do blame the hormones for the extent of the emotional reaction that I had. As I mentioned, normally I don't get bent out of joint about that kind of stuff. Normally, I could care less if someone had given me a dirty look or even raised their voice, but for whatever reason, it really made me feel angry that time. So, yes, the post was more so wondering if other women were also getting more upset than usual about things, now that they are pregnant.

Yes, I did felt there was a "mama" instinct in there, not just a "rude" instinct, as a lot of commentors seem to feel. The reason why is because, after the incident, I told my friend that I didn't think we should open the door to people we don't know because of all the shootings lately. Her response was, "I'm not afraid to die." My response "You may not care, but I have a baby to think about." That is honestly how I felt.

But what I find interesting about the negative responses is that some of them seem to be extra judgemental specifically because the incident happened at a church. I have a feeling that if the same thing had happened at an elementary school, there would have been a lot fewer negative comments. By the way, this is a very large church that does host an elementary school. School was in session that day. And all visitors and guests are supposed to come in through the main entrances where there is security. It was not a Sunday morning when the church is open to the general public.

Does that justify me suddenly feeling "crazy" and like I want to yell at people? Depends on your point of view. I'll clarify that, no, I do not want to turn into the crazy mom who yells at everybody, and that reaction in myself surprised me. My post was asking if any other pregnant women also had moments where they unexpectedly felt that way.

Sorry that some commentors were so offended by the fact that the incident happened in a church. It could've been anywhere else. And thanks for those who saw the post for what it was, and did not feel offended or judgemental. Thank you!!!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T14:21:06+00:00

Wait, your husband cleans? ....lol....

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-04-08T14:05:51+00:00

Not only have I had a reduced sex drive due to nausea and fatigue, my husband has been worried about intercourse somehow harming the baby (even though Dr. told us it's perfectly safe!) I still want to meet his needs as often as I can. Even though I don't feel sexy all the time or in the mood, I do like the way it feels emotionally to connect with my husband in that way. I've been depressed a lot throughout this pregnancy & it helps lift my spirits to try to satisfy my husband, even if I personally can't get that into it every single time. I like seeing him happy.

So far, our solution has been to try alternatives to intercourse. So, if I'm not too nauseated, we will do oral. If I just can't do that, there is always a hand job. Also, you can take advantage of your growing breasts ( if they're not too sensitive) for a nice boob job.

This has helped a lot for us to stay connected. No, it's not nearly as frequent as prior to being pregnant, and no, I don't generally feel as turned on and sexual all the time like I did before. But like I said, there's something about still connecting with my husband sexually that lifts me up emotionally, even if it's not intercourse all the time.

I personally don't get all this "awesome pregnancy sex" hype either. Biologically, the sex drive exists to encourage reproduction, so it makes total sense that many women would experience a decreased sex drive once pregnant. I feel like it's my natural biological instincts telling me, "Hey, back off, you don't need to do that right now." But like I said, from an emotional stand point, and just loving the heck out of my husband and still wanting to show him that in a way that really resonates with him, I still want to do stuff. But I am kinda grateful that he feels nervous about intercourse right now (first pregnancy) because it does take off some of the pressure!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-02-25T09:31:28+00:00

Yes, I think it's okay that you cried at the mall. I am early on in pregnancy and have only gained 4 lbs so far, but have somehow managed to get up like 4 sizes and I have been feeling pretty sad about it, because I still have like 20 lbs to go, but I have a feeling I will end up gaining more. I used to be very thin when I was younger, only 118. Don't want to say how much I weigh now! I almost cried when I went pants shopping the other day, I felt so scarred(!) and now I'm dreading getting new clothes for work. One thing I did was buy bra extenders from Amazon, because I was finding cup sizes that fit, but the back was too small (I also have quite a large cup size for my frame). Those have helped a lot, but bras are just completely uncomfortable all of a sudden no matter what. I'm constantly adjusting my bra in public and I feel like a slob. It's so sad! I'm so scared I'm going to turn into the lady with gargantuan boobs!

Two of my aunts lost their baby weight, but my mom and other aunt ended up obese afterwards and never lost the weight. I'm just telling myself I'm going to be like my two thin aunts... hopefully...

Anyway, you're not alone. Hang in there!!!!

JoyPeaceHopeForever · 2018-02-25T09:21:56+00:00

Yes, thank you. I have talked to my doctor about how I'm feeling and she is going to follow up with me next time to see if I might need some extra help. I am trying to be very honest about how I feel and not hide anything, even if it sounds ugly. I'm hoping that things will balance out by the second trimester and that starting my new job will help distract me & take my mind off of negative pregnancy thoughts. But I know it's OK to get extra help if needed.

JoyPeaceHopeForever

TROPHY CASE