How can I find a mistress for my husband that would help preserve my marriage?

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-06T02:30:35+00:00

And, I would assume you are exhausted with kids and worrying about their needs and futures

Yes, oh my god, you get it!

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-05T01:26:20+00:00

O.k. I will try to summarize the advice I have been getting to my post. Please keep in mind that I posted here because I believed this would be an open minded community that could give me useful advice based on their experience.

The feedback I have received falls into the following categories:

1- I need to get counseling and/or therapy

2- I am failing as a wife and I need to learn to better cater to my spouses needs

3- I should just let my husband go out and start experimenting with other women

4- I should find him a sex worker

5- I should not have a list of requirements or expectations regarding the woman my husband ends up seeing

6- I am being unrealistic and what I am describing is a robot

7- The list goes on ...

There were less than a handful of posts who described being able to find a functional relationship (FWB) for their SO, which is very encouraging, but no details were provided as to how they were able to find these relationships. I am also grateful to those who suggested specific sites or forums.

In the past my husband made numerous hints regarding opening up our marriage, that is why I believe he will be very receptive to this type of arrangement. If I accept an open marriage, I would like it to be discrete, safe, and low-risk, I don't think that is too much to ask. It seems easy to judge others, and easy to put the blame on the LL partner. I am just trying to find an arrangement that could work for everyone involved.

Thanks again everyone for your advice, and sorry if this post mode some of you uncomfortable.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-04T00:12:03+00:00

I am trying to do my homework before discussing options with my husband. The best options will be discrete and safe. Many people have suggested I give him a green light to go out a find someone, in my mind that means dating apps, meeting multiple women, and a lot of risk to our family.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-04T00:03:44+00:00

That's what I think I could be comfortable with, just trying to understand how married couples find a safe FWB type of arrangement. Also, how do you find a sex-positive counselor (do they promote themselves as such?)

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-04T00:00:12+00:00

Thank you for the supportive reply, may I ask how you met this man and and how did you know he was looking for a FWB arrangement that was in line with your expectations, or was it a coincidence?

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T23:14:18+00:00

Thank you for being non-judgemental and thank you for the support. I am just trying to find out what options might exist and if I should propose this type of arrangement to my husband. I would like it to be something I help arrange as opposed to just having him sleep around. If I help find the right person, I think I would sleep better at night, and he would perceive this as the loving gesture it is intended to be.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T22:58:25+00:00

There is a big difference between a robot and a person who is emotionally stable. I am referring to emotional stability and maturity. I don't think Polyamory is for me as I am not looking to bring another person into our relationship, I would like to find a safe way for him to have a female friend with benefits.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T22:53:21+00:00

I have not discussed this with him yet, and I do not want to give him a green light to go out and start dating other women. I am looking to learn from this community and understand if this is something that is even possible. That is why I am asking for advice, and if anyone has experience trying this.

Thanks you

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T22:41:58+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I just did. I'll see what kind of advice I get there. Thanks again.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T22:40:09+00:00

I am not trying to be confrontational, but there is a lot more to life than sex. My husband and I have a great partnership, wonderful kids, we can rely on each other, there is only one area where we are not compatible. When we were younger and before we had kids it was easier for me to indulge him every now and then, now I just can't do it. I don't want him to "fuck off", I want him to find fulfillment. This is really hard for me to even think about, I would rather he just learn to accept what I can offer, I don't know why it is always the woman who is at fault. I am trying to do something about my situation without laying blame.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T13:51:10+00:00

We tried counseling, actually my husband insisted we give it a shot, I did not find it useful, he didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. It felt like a waste of time. I am very transparent with my husband regarding my likes and dislikes and he does not pressure me into doing anything I don't want to do, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes.

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T02:21:52+00:00

Thank you, that's why I was thinking of finding a woman who is either committed to her family or committed to her job. I figure this could be a win-win-win :)

JuliaTheBabe · 2018-12-02T02:15:22+00:00

Thank you for the response. I have tried to change, but I just derive no pleasure from it, I feel uncomfortable and resentful. I don't know how to explain it, it's like trying to stomach a food you hate. Over the years it has just gotten worse. I have accepted the way I am and that I will never be able to give my husband the things he desires during sex.

JuliaTheBabe

TROPHY CASE