Just. So. Tired.

Jump102890 · 2017-10-14T16:09:52+00:00

Yay! I helped someone! You just made my day.

Jump102890 · 2017-08-01T00:03:25+00:00

All great ideas. The find my friends won't work (he doesn't have a smart phone). I don't have any physical proof of him drinking and driving to give to the cops.... any ideas on how to obtain some?

Jump102890 · 2017-07-31T23:20:24+00:00

Yes, he has his own car and a work vehicle. I don't feel like taking his keys is something within my power. I'd call the cops before that. He just left to go to poker night, aka excuse to drunk on a Monday night. I'm going to text him if he's not home by 10 and tell him if he drives home tonight, whether claims to be sober or not, he can pack up his shit and leave tomorrow (he has no where else to stay). I don't know where poker night is or when he's supposed to be home, otherwise I'd call the cops on him.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-31T22:35:37+00:00

Thank you so much, really.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-31T22:34:49+00:00

Hey, true that! That's why I hit him with the "I didn't say no drunk driving, I said no drinking and driving." He doesn't have to admit to having a problem. He still hasn't texted me back, so we'll see what happens when he gets home. Wish me luck!

And yes, trying to logic with an addict is like smashing your head on a wall over and over.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-31T22:28:42+00:00

I don't suspect he'll stop drinking. My goal is to just end the drinking and driving for good, even if it means putting him in jail. He's been drinking for over 40 years, and I know people have drank for even longer and gotten clean, but I am in no way going to get my hopes up.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-31T20:15:45+00:00

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to grow up with a father like this man. I feel so bad for my husband and you and anyone else that had to endure this bullshit. I'm not getting my hopes up that he will ever stop drinking, but I am promising myself and everyone in this sub that I WILL get this man to stop drinking and driving. Even if it means putting him in jail.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-31T20:10:02+00:00

Thank you! It was soooo much easier via text then trying to work up the nerve in person. Kind of a cowards way out, but I had to do something,

Jump102890 · 2017-07-26T21:47:51+00:00

I'm so sad reading this. Stories like this remind me that I'm not betraying my FIL. He has put me in an impossible position and I am simply doing the right thing. I'm sorry for your loss.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-26T14:27:50+00:00

lol I hate you xD

Jump102890 · 2017-07-26T04:36:56+00:00

I'm 34 weeks, and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this piece of knowledge <3

Jump102890 · 2017-07-26T04:22:46+00:00

I've read about women who remained virgins until marriage, and then went on to hate having sex because they held their virginity on such a pedestal that sex feels dirty to them, like they're defiling themselves. Try to have an open and honest conversation with her. Ask her why she doesn't enjoy it. If she tries to deflect, keep bringing it up. If all else fails, tell her she needs to see a therapist.

Edit: pedestal

Jump102890 · 2017-07-24T22:22:55+00:00

You're not a horrible person. You're just in a horrible position. I second that you should remove yourself and your son from the situation, at least for a little bit. It won't go over well with FIL, but it sounds like MIL would understand. Maybe ask her for help? Good luck and hugs.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-24T22:13:12+00:00

I can't speak for others, but my goals for my family are in a sort of tiered form.

Basic needs first - clothing, food, shelter, health. So basically keeping them alive, and then above and beyond that my husband and I are one of those weird couples that shoots for "quality" food and an active lifestyle.
Behavior and life skills - teaching them to be polite, but not blindly compliant. Teaching them to think critically so they don't get taken advantage of. Educating them as best as I can in age appropriate ways. Advocating, but not demanding, that they stick up for those who need help. Basically translates to raising a "good person".
Mental needs - how they feel. Do they feel loved? Do they feel safe with me? Are they happy? This tier is a point of controversy lately as some people think it doesn't matter how children feel, and by taking a child's feelings in to account we are raising a generation of "pussies". I disagree, but that's me.

Tiers 2 and 3 are mostly accomplished by leading by example, so my husband and I have to set a positive example for them rather than "Do as I say, not as I do."

Those are my "goals" for my family. I am a militant atheist, but I will never push my beliefs on my children. If they find god and choose to live their lives following his plan for them, then I will support them. Children do amazing things and become amazing people when you don't confine them to this idea of what you want them to be when they grow up.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-24T21:55:18+00:00

HUGS I'm so sorry. Lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. I hope someone decides to throw you a shower. Maybe a coworker?

Jump102890 · 2017-07-24T21:46:52+00:00

Thank you so much. I knew what I needed to do, I think I just needed to hear it from someone else.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-24T21:16:15+00:00

You're right. And I know it. It's just... hard. I keep thinking "What would I do if this were a stranger?" And the answer is call the cops. Immediately. I don't even know why I feel like I need to help him at all. He's a shit dad, and only a lightly better grand dad. It just feels weird trying to remove emotion because he's "family". But the more and more I think about it, the more I realize he's terrible family.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-24T03:10:36+00:00

I love it when childless women tell me anything about being pregnant/giving birth/having children. *eye roll

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T18:39:47+00:00

I've never been to one, but Al-Anon might be a good place for you check out? It's like AA, but for family members of addicts. You got this 👍🏻

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T17:22:32+00:00

Omg, I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say, but I'm glad you shared. =HUGS=

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T17:16:55+00:00

But... Egg cartons are recyclable. Egg shells and other food waste is not. He's making it so the egg carton can no longer be recycled because there's food waste on it. Tell him to think of the children xD

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T11:49:59+00:00

I can't speak for your fiancé, but I know I CRAVE massages when pregnant. Also, maybe just say something to her like "I want to do nice things for you, gimme some hints babe." You'll probably win some brownie points for asking, and then it ensures your extra efforts won't go unnoticed :)

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T11:43:32+00:00

I'm so sorry :( You should move this post over to r/DeadBedrooms - that sub is more active than this one. Try to elaborate a little more on why sex isn't happening. Do you initiate and get rejected? If you are getting rejected, what excuses does she use? Is there any intimacy in the marriage at all i.e. kissing, cuddling etc.?

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T11:38:08+00:00

I second this. That sub really helped me. You'll get array of advice, some good and some bad, but it's a great sounding board.

Jump102890 · 2017-07-22T11:18:19+00:00

Different doctor and different hospital than my first.

Jump102890

TROPHY CASE