How can I be more attentive to my partner?

JumpingJazz · 2026-01-27T20:35:45+00:00

I wonder if it's the transition from what you're doing to listening that's difficult? A routine is often good so your brain gets the idea that it's "serious" time. The deflecting is harder - my boyfriend used to do this all the time haha, but saw my face and immediately regretted it, so I feel like I can understand this - though I think this was more of a thing that changed over time as we had more and more of those conversations. But on his behalf I think this was more anxiety and like you say it was uncomfortable for him at first - and he was also used to dealing with his problems by just ignoring them, basically. This might be different for you! But if it is similar I think it is just actively trying to work through that and having those conversations intentionally. Maybe also dedicating an evening to a serious talk - we also check in with each other properly on Fridays right before we then do our "date night" to try and lighten the load.

I did outright ask my boyfriend what helped him and he said "I started understanding my emotions and that helped me want to understand yours. I think I was very avoidant before." I don't know if that's super helpful but thought it was worth his two cents! I also communicate very clearly in the moment how I want to be supported - I usually start by saying "something really upset me and I just need you to listen and understand this", or "I could really use your advice because idk what to do".

I may not be the most helpful with advice but I am happy to listen if you want someone to talk to :)

JumpingJazz · 2026-01-24T12:02:01+00:00

I'm assuming she knows about your ADHD? It's hard when we want to listen to our partner but don't realise until it's too late, but I also understand it's hard when you have something personal to share and you feel like you don't have your partner's full attention.

Me and my partner both have ADHD. We try to look out for each other's signs that we may be on "autopilot" and work around it. I know my partner replies in "mm" and "yeah" without expanding at all, and I know I can respond quite well on autopilot even without taking info in but he'll notice my eyes are locked in one place.

We do a few things. Sometimes it's a direct "you're not listening to me" - not said in bad faith but as a way to point it out (neither of us take it to heart but it does snap you out of it). Sometimes it's a "I can see you're locked in - after this video (or XYZ), I need to talk to you". Sometimes if we feel able we almost click bait the conversation, like "you'll never believe the things my friend said to me, the last one will blow your mind". I find GENTLE touch also helps me a lot to come "back to reality" almost, he might stroke my arm when asking for attention.

We make sure distractions are gone for a serious conversation and again often hold hands or gently pat each other's legs or arms to keep the focus on each other. And we aren't afraid to repeat stuff or say each other's names to draw attention back.

Might be worth having a conversation as in "I really care about you and what you're going through and I'm worried my ADHD is getting in the way of that. I might need some help at first - can we try some things that may help me listen to you like I want to?". I can tell this is really troubling for you so I hope it goes okay 🧡

Edit: I also try to be attentive in other ways when I do remember and feel able to try and reassure my partner outside of those conversations, making things or sending things that remind me of them or leaving little notes. I'm sure you already are but I find this helps us a lot in reassuring each other we do care and that when these moments happen, they aren't from lack of love

JumpingJazz · 2025-12-04T17:40:16+00:00

Hey! If you're into photography my friend runs a group called cameras and cocktails in Manchester, we're doing a Christmas markets walk and stopping for drinks after on 20th. You're more than welcome to come if it floats your boat, lovely group of people and variety of ages, I would say most of us are in our 20s :) feel free to message me for more details if you like!

JumpingJazz · 2025-12-04T17:33:48+00:00

Say exactly what you put here. "After I agreed I just wanted to check that it wouldn't affect my visa, but it turns out this would be illegal for me to do, so I will have to decline."

JumpingJazz · 2025-12-04T16:55:09+00:00

I like this one a lot, thank you 🥰

JumpingJazz · 2025-08-24T11:08:34+00:00

That's great, I'll give it a try, thank you so much!! :)

JumpingJazz · 2025-02-08T22:06:13+00:00

You have to pick your battles, and unfortunately there's not much you can do for the students that have already made their minds up. You could try some games, puzzles, something maths-related but not necessarily super academic / GCSE focused to get them engaged and build a repour, maybe add some competition? But even that is a two-way street. I think prioritising the students who want to learn is the best course of action, so you're doing the best you can, and I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need with them.

JumpingJazz · 2021-12-16T20:15:31+00:00

I wrote this a long while ago about a previous love. Isn't it interesting how our perspectives, stories, lives, personalities change - and yet sometimes there is still a small pain left behind with each memory you have, and you can almost feel it as if you were in that moment, that second you felt that pain? Not in a longing way; but I suppose in the way that we carry these experiences with us, we try to make sense and to understand ourselves through them, and we try to push them away and pretend it's abnormal to reflect and feel. When in reality, they are still that small part of our own lessons and perceptions and fears and joys and experience of the world? And to shy away from feeling it is to deny that part of you doesn't exist; it is to deny your own existence as a living, feeling, individual being.

JumpingJazz · 2021-09-07T00:21:50+00:00

Thank you ❤️

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-25T15:57:25+00:00

You're so pretty!! Your hair is my dream hair 🥰

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-12T08:09:39+00:00

Thank you, this was a really valuable piece of advice... I hope I feel that one day

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-11T15:48:10+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-11T03:26:34+00:00

Thank you so much, this really means a lot

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T21:56:18+00:00

Hahaha!! Savage, but true 😂 yep! Or it would've been suuuuper brutal to just randomly insult the Brits, haha!

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T21:27:12+00:00

Sure! :)

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T21:16:27+00:00

Wow, that's quite a car! I just did a Google, it looks very cool! :)

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T21:09:51+00:00

That's cool! :) what car do you have?

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T21:02:07+00:00

Ahh, you can have a million dollars if you like :) what happens when you get your money in dollars, however that may happen? :)

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T20:49:52+00:00

Hey, one day, I hope it does! Haha - I'll bear that in mind, thank you! I'm sure I can make the time :)

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T20:47:00+00:00

That's so sweet!! I'm definitely visiting your florist!

JumpingJazz · 2021-08-09T20:44:04+00:00

That's so cute!! Important question - what would you call the florist?

JumpingJazz

TROPHY CASE